Quad's Humour Thread


nivrip

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If at first you don't succeed… make sure nobody finds out you tried!

If at first you don't succeed… skydiving’s not for you.

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style."

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy
adultery?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

No one ever says, 'It's only a game” when their team is winning.

Why, if you send something by road, is it called a shipment, but when
you send it by sea it is called cargo?

Not everything that can be counted counts and not everything that counts can be counted. (Einstein)

History may not repeat itself, but it often rhymes. (Mark Twain)
 
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nivrip

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THE DUCK AND THE LAWYER

A big city lawyer from NY, went duck hunting in rural North Dakota. He shot a bird, but it fell into the field on the other side of the fence.



As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.


The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."



The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."


The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in New York and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."



The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Dakota. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three Kick Rule."


The lawyer asked, "What’s the Three Kick Rule?"



The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."


The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.



The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!


His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.


The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."


(I love this part)


The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."



Don’t you just love old people
 

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