Flops' Friday mini blog

[darcy]

heck w/ the MRI girl, probably hasn't seen much in her time; i'd prefer to reckon it an innocent enquiry,,
hang tough, flopps, ~ i do believe u have it in you to do so : )

 

[Taffycat]

Shame about the reunion, but on the other hand, it isn't always easy to switch-off when your mind is turning summersaults. Worry/anxiety can certainly put the little grey cells into overdrive.

I totally agree with Darcy re the MRI person. She was probably checking, to ensure that you had a pre-arranged appointment, not wanting a repeat of the previous mess-up. Wouldn't be surprised if words had been exchanged - particularly if they're feeling a bit nervous about being sued. And no, I know that's not your bag, but they probably don't know that, so are taking extra care - and quite right too!

Wishing you all the very best, as usual, take care.

 

[historian]

Hi Mr Flops.
I`m so sorry to read of your illness.
Even though I don`t know you personally I really do feel for you.
Being on the P.C Review site is like being part of a large family. And when one member of that family hurts then we all feel it.
Can I wish you all the very,very best for the coming times.
historian

 

[cirianz]

Tony I can't talk for anyone else, but I'm sure I'm not the only one here who knows that quality of life is not found in what you can & can't do physically, even when it's things that you really love that are lost, nor in how much pain you are in, nor in how ill you are. After a while they just become 'things'. Just things that are there.
They don't go away, and sometimes they make you cry when it's dark & no one's looking, but they are just facts & lose their power to break you.
But the quality of your life & the value you place on the joys is something only you, not your body or the Doctors, can decide.
I did try what you're suggesting, and immediately afterwards my only regret was that I was found before I had finished dying & they wouldn't let me go home & finish off. But once I got past that I have never ever stopped being grateful to the person who found me. I would've missed out on so much (you for one). Things that were so important.

And I know most people won't understand it, but living with a death sentence hanging over your head, never knowing how much time you've got. After a while that becomes 'just a thing' too. Most of the power it has is in the uncertainty and the 'waiting' and I know it sounds pollyanna-ish but that's also somewhere where you get to choose how much power you give that weight. I won't stop living now because I might die tonight. Literally not figuratively. Asides from the suicide attempt there are now three times where I've been saved by other people (& a lot of luck) and two more where I've been kept alive by doctors with lots of chemicals. But it's just a thing. I'm alive now and I won't let it take 'now' away from me.

Please don't stop living Tony
And I know you're 'just keeping your options open' at the moment, but I'm going to say all this now anyway, just in case I don't get the chance when it's 'really needed'.
You're one of the people in this world that I love.
And there are things yet to happen that you would want to be here for.

I'm always here if you need me, and I know I'm not the only one.
love Debbie

 

[floppybootstomp]

Thanks for replies people, very much apreciated.

Now let me get one thing straight here folks, me no want to snuff it, I love life, I really do. If I can carry on without too much hassle (like being fed only through a tube), then I will do so. Being mute will be a bit of a bummer but I will, presumably, still have other senses so lots of life's pleasures can still be apreciated.

I only mention causing my own departure from this plane if it were the case where the cancer became incurable and I had to let it run it's course and kill me. In that instance the choice would be between self-inflicted farewell or laying in a hospital bed for days full of morphine, unaware of anything whilst family and friends watched my gradual demise.

And THAT is the only scenario in which I'd consider it. And even then I don't know if I'd have the courage or, for that matter, really know how to (apart from jumping off the patio but I don't really fancy that and besides, I might land on somebody, that wouldn't be good )

I will go with the flow and deal with each thing as it occurs.

Thanks again for replies, it helps

 

[floppybootstomp]

On the gaming front:

Have been playing Dragon Age 2 on the PC a lot, and loving it. The game is in three parts and I’ve just started the second one. I actually completed every single part, all side quests and stuff, of part one. At first I was a bit peeved at all the cut scenes but they diminish as you progress and the ones that do pop up are integral to the story and characters, which I like a lot. This game can be had very cheap now and if you like RPG’s it’s recommended.

Started playing Call Of Duty Modern warfare 3 online and quite liking it. I don’t like how it picks a server for you but that’s a minor niggle. As Steam were offering both add-on packs for half price (they still are, until the 10th) I bought both for £11.48 mostly to get the extra multiplayer maps. Annoys me having to pay for extra maps but there you go, I wanted the full experience.

So far, in CoDMW3 I am useless, frequently coming last but I suppose the more I play and the more familiar I become with the maps the better I’ll get. I still play CoD4 a lot and frequently come 3rd or 4th but I do know the maps very well with that one.

I saw Darksiders 2 has been released, I’m not paying full price for it, I shall wait, but it did look good so I thought I’d investigate Darksiders 1 and it had good reviews and cost £5.85 on Amazon so I bought it. DVD(s) came through the post and I loaded the game and it went into my Steam folder. It’s £20 on Steam, so I done well for £5.85. So far, pretty good but it does seem very very much like a console game.

Still dabbling occasionally in Saints Row The Third, Batman Arkham City, Sonic & Sega All Star Racing (this is great!), Alan Wake’s American Nightmare, Risen 1 and recently played Half Life 2 Episode 2 through again, took me 5 hours this time, I think it probably took me twice that long at least originally.

I’m stuck about two thirds through FEAR 3, have given up on it. Prior to getting stuck I didn’t think the game was as bad as the crtics have labelled it, wasn’t bad at all, once I got into it a fair way.

And I may have mentioned it before but finished NFS DIRT Showdown quite quickly.

On the Xbox 360, haven’t been playing it much but picked up a strange one called El Shaddai Ascension Of The Metatron for a fiver which is pretty good.

Finally, a little vid of some rainfall for you – exciting huh? I looked out of my bedroom window earlier this evening and noticed a huge raincloud chucking it down to the right and sunshine to the left, quite odd so I went to get my camera and take some pix but when I returned the rain reached me so I took some vid footage and here it is:

Rain

Within Windows right click on link and choose 'Save Target As' file is 150Mb. Just noticed I need to clean the camera lens

 

[muckshifter]

yer bike got wet.

 

[bootneck02]

It has been like that here all day sunshine and blue skies then heavy showers, but we are partially protected by the North Downs though. The washing has been in and out like yoyo.

 

[cirianz]

My son's been raving about saints row 3, apparently his dad picked it up a few weeks ago & Morgan whizzed through it in a couple of weekends, once to just play & a second time to make sure he'd hunted out any secondary adventures, and now he's pestered Raymond (his Dad) into getting saints row 2 which arrived last week & which he started on this weekend gone. How is it that a kid who can't read the instructions etc (he's severely dyslexic) can zap through a game (& I mean all computer games) in a fraction of the time it takes his father who is a teaching fellow in the computer sciences dept at the university & so hardly incompetent. I've never been able to figure this out but I think he just thinks differently to the rest of us Me, I'm plodding my way through Dragon age although I've had to take a break for a few weeks thanks to RL so will probably have to make a practice character to get my skills up again. My 'gift' in games is how fast I forget! But it balances out I suppose, a long enough break & it's a whole new game for me

 

[Ian]

Ah crap, I've only just read this now Tony - I'm really sorry to hear about this and that you've got to go under the knife again. Keep on fighting!

Just watched your video of the rain, it's not very often you get to see such a visible boundary... although I wouldn't call it little at 150MB . Oddly, it's supposed to have been raining in Manchester for the last couple of days, but it's actually been ok for the most part.

 

[floppybootstomp]

Ok, it's 22:00 hours, I'm half drunk (well, wouldn't you be?) must be time to play some CoD online. Either CoD4 or MW3, methinks. Saw GP today, recent heart scan I had showed my heart is fine. There's some irony at work there somewhere....

 

[Abarbarian]

Well at least you can fall in love again

 

[floppybootstomp]

I’m back home, op went ok, no complications. The tumour was bigger than anticipated by the surgeon (it had had time to grow, after all) so I’ve lost about a third of my tongue on the left hand side. During the op, after the tumour had been removed, they took tissue sample from areas adjacent to it and looked at them under a microscope and found no visible traces of cancer.

Further tissue samples were taken and these will be the subject of biopsy and I’ll know the results of that in about two weeks. I have a follow up apointment on the 26th and there’s an outside chance the results may be ready then, I hope so.

The surgeon had to decide how much to remove whilst considering how much it would inconvenience me and how far to go to make sure of removing cancer. I hope he’s chosen well but I can see that it’s a bit of a gamble on his part.

Apart from my now speech impediment, that’s mostly only the bad news. The former MRI scan to my neck and biopsy to an area under my chin showed no signs of cancer. I can kinda speak after a fashion at the moment but it’s hard to understand me. My tongue is swollen and as the swelling recedes my speech should improve.

I will be receiving speech therapy and am seeing therapist after my appointment at Hospital on 26th. The therapist tells me that as the tip of my tongue is still there, that’s the part we use most to form speech so she’s optimistic for me. There’s not much pain now, surprisingly, but I have soluble paracetomol should I need them. It’s difficult to swallow and I can eat only soft foods with plenty of moisture, which is hard work.

After three days in hospital I feel like a pin cushion, lots and lots of jabs including 2 to my stomach with stuff to prevent blood clotting. When I came round from the anaesthetic I was drenched in sweat, I mean, like, literally soaking, I’ve never sweated so much in my life. Had my own room though with a nice shower suite so I made use of that.

So, depending on biopsy results, kinda optimistic, I’m still here and I can sortta grunt, growl, groan and say uh-huh.

My biggest concern right now is talking to customers, had a call from one to repair a sound system while I was having the op. I will write to them and explain situation, should be ok. I will also write/e-mail my regulars explaining and hope none of them mind conversing with a mungo. Already I’ve noticed when speaking to medical staff that other patients and non medical staff regard me as if I’m not quite right in the head when I’m speaking.

Perhaps this will give me a new perspective on things.

 

[Abarbarian]

Great news for you Flops. Must be a great relief for you.

Still you have a good excuse to drink lots of healthy Guinness.

Just remember no french kissing with the nurses

 

[bootneck02]

Poor old boy you have been through the wars. On the bright side they seem to have caught all in time and the speech thing, with the therapy it will come back to near normal and as it is so near to the trauma of the operation your tongue will take a little time to settle down. Take it easy Tony thinking of you.

 

[V_R]

Wow, i must confess to not always reading this thread. But i've just caught up now.

Tony, really glad to see your on the mend. Keep strong mate.

 

[Becky]

I'm glad it all went well Tony, wishing you a speedy recovery

 

[Taffycat]

Welcome home Flopps, it's great to have you back with us So glad to hear your surgery went okay; also very glad there was good news re your MRI and previous biopsy.

Aww, with a swollen tongue it's not surprising that talking/swallowing is difficult at the minute. But the Speech Therapist will probably be able to help you a lot - they're wonderful at what they do, imho. Once she gets to work on helping you to re-master "speech mechanics" I honestly believe you'll find your ability to communicate again will greatly improve.

I can't imagine your customers would be put-off, I'm sure most folk will be understanding, once you've let them know what's happened.

Here's to speedy healing. Take care and as always, all the very best to you.

 

[muckshifter]

welcome home ...

 

[cirianz]

So glad to hear things are going so well. I remember I put my teeth through my tounge once & it swelled like b*ggery but it healed remarkably quickly so hopefully that speech therapist should have you swearing like a trooper in no time