Since giving up smoking....
- Thread starter floppybootstomp
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OK, just posted this in the staf room at BBF, pretty much sums everything up.
I just hope the PCR censor thingie works....
If it doesn't, I'll edit
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Phil, guys, thank you
Tomorrow, it starts, sort of.
I wasn't due to go into ward until 6pm but they couldn't schedule this nuclear medicine blood test thingie until tomorrow so I go in at 11am.
Then they inject me with radioactive ****, I wait four hours and they blood test me. Then, depending on results, they blood test me again after another hour or so.
I think the idea is to see how I react to radiation before they commence radiotherapy and chemotherapy.
Then on Tuesday evening they make sure I have nil by mouth ready for op on Wednesday.
Local anasthetic to tum, deep sedative, feeding tube inserted into tum via mouth, drill hole in stomach wall, pull tube out.
This is so depressing, so demeaning, so moral busting, it's ****.
But I guess it makes sense. I am way way scared.
Then, hopefully, if all is ok, I go home Thursday afternoon.
Worked today, started a job, had to pay a friend to do my work for next 3 days then hopefully, I'll finish job on Friday, taking care of the finer points. I cannot believe this, I've never had so much work for ages, we be busy, and I'm ****ed up.
There's a new sports complex, another job, supposed to be opening in two weeks, I'm putting in PA system, part of which involves a 250 metre cable run, we haven't even started it yet.
I just hope my work partner and young Baz can sort it out. Maybe I'll be ok to work, I don't know.
Monday, into chemotherapy dept., 9am, they'll hook me up to a bag of radioactive crap, Cysplatin, and we'll see how I react. If I lose my hearing I swear I'l top my ****ing self. Losing my taste I can just about to come to terms with but no music I could not handle. I'm ****ing close to thinking that way anyway, seriously.
Chemo finishes 3pm, I wait, radiotherapy prep at 5.15pm, get zapped with radiation at 5.45pm, then get train home, it'll be rush hour time. I may just go for a walk around the West End to waste a couple of hours, trains less full then.
During Chemo, they'll be observing me to see if I **** up in any way. They'll pump me full of painkillers if need be, stuff to combat nausea and fill me with lots of saline drips, liquids, and diuretics to flush the water through. This cleans the radioactive **** and dead cancer cells through my kidneys.
Oh, fun fun fun.
And then after two weeks of being beamed at, the real bad **** will start to kick in, sore throat, scabby gums and all.
Roll on February 1st.
Anyway guys, in short, I won't be here for a few days.
Thanks for letting me rant
PS: I do have my iPod to while the time away. I have 8 new movies on it, untold music and three games, plus a mains adaptor. I also got a couple of books
I just hope the PCR censor thingie works....
If it doesn't, I'll edit
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Phil, guys, thank you
Tomorrow, it starts, sort of.
I wasn't due to go into ward until 6pm but they couldn't schedule this nuclear medicine blood test thingie until tomorrow so I go in at 11am.
Then they inject me with radioactive ****, I wait four hours and they blood test me. Then, depending on results, they blood test me again after another hour or so.
I think the idea is to see how I react to radiation before they commence radiotherapy and chemotherapy.
Then on Tuesday evening they make sure I have nil by mouth ready for op on Wednesday.
Local anasthetic to tum, deep sedative, feeding tube inserted into tum via mouth, drill hole in stomach wall, pull tube out.
This is so depressing, so demeaning, so moral busting, it's ****.
But I guess it makes sense. I am way way scared.
Then, hopefully, if all is ok, I go home Thursday afternoon.
Worked today, started a job, had to pay a friend to do my work for next 3 days then hopefully, I'll finish job on Friday, taking care of the finer points. I cannot believe this, I've never had so much work for ages, we be busy, and I'm ****ed up.
There's a new sports complex, another job, supposed to be opening in two weeks, I'm putting in PA system, part of which involves a 250 metre cable run, we haven't even started it yet.
I just hope my work partner and young Baz can sort it out. Maybe I'll be ok to work, I don't know.
Monday, into chemotherapy dept., 9am, they'll hook me up to a bag of radioactive crap, Cysplatin, and we'll see how I react. If I lose my hearing I swear I'l top my ****ing self. Losing my taste I can just about to come to terms with but no music I could not handle. I'm ****ing close to thinking that way anyway, seriously.
Chemo finishes 3pm, I wait, radiotherapy prep at 5.15pm, get zapped with radiation at 5.45pm, then get train home, it'll be rush hour time. I may just go for a walk around the West End to waste a couple of hours, trains less full then.
During Chemo, they'll be observing me to see if I **** up in any way. They'll pump me full of painkillers if need be, stuff to combat nausea and fill me with lots of saline drips, liquids, and diuretics to flush the water through. This cleans the radioactive **** and dead cancer cells through my kidneys.
Oh, fun fun fun.
And then after two weeks of being beamed at, the real bad **** will start to kick in, sore throat, scabby gums and all.
Roll on February 1st.
Anyway guys, in short, I won't be here for a few days.
Thanks for letting me rant
PS: I do have my iPod to while the time away. I have 8 new movies on it, untold music and three games, plus a mains adaptor. I also got a couple of books
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There are a crap load of people I do not envy ... but you take the biscuit on them all.
Tony, would it not be easier to go visit Chernobyl ... sorry, I always joke when nervous.
Good luck, break a leg, fingers crossed ...
Tony, would it not be easier to go visit Chernobyl ... sorry, I always joke when nervous.
Good luck, break a leg, fingers crossed ...
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Mucks, I've found I have two types of friend.
There are those who are suddenly over-friendly, give me a big hug when we meet and smile away. Which is nice but I get the feeling they think I'm going to shuffle off this mortal coil anyway.
Then there's others, like me mate Roy.
When I muttered thoughts about topping meself, he thought awhile then said 'Ok, can we make something out of this? We'll rig up three cameras, you drive your Merc off of Beachy Head, we'll film it.
You can wave, it'll look great on YouTube and we'll have something to remember you by'.
Suddenly, I wanted to live, lol
There are those who are suddenly over-friendly, give me a big hug when we meet and smile away. Which is nice but I get the feeling they think I'm going to shuffle off this mortal coil anyway.
Then there's others, like me mate Roy.
When I muttered thoughts about topping meself, he thought awhile then said 'Ok, can we make something out of this? We'll rig up three cameras, you drive your Merc off of Beachy Head, we'll film it.
You can wave, it'll look great on YouTube and we'll have something to remember you by'.
Suddenly, I wanted to live, lol
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Thanks BigJay, seriously apreciated
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Can I be cameraman three ...floppybootstomp said:Mucks, I've found I have two types of friend.
There are those who are suddenly over-friendly, give me a big hug when we meet and smile away. Which is nice but I get the feeling they think I'm going to shuffle off this mortal coil anyway.
Then there's others, like me mate Roy.
When I muttered thoughts about topping meself, he thought awhile then said 'Ok, can we make something out of this? We'll rig up three cameras, you drive your Merc off of Beachy Head, we'll film it.
You can wave, it'll look great on YouTube and we'll have something to remember you by'.
Suddenly, I wanted to live, lol
I've been up & down in the dumps ever since I lost my Dear Lady, didn't think about "toppings" as I'm really quite a coward in that respect, I certainly have enough pills to do it easily. Not a drinker either, but got err, tipsy once
Tried to engross myself in things I like doing, but that ain't much either ... then got another 'kick in the groin' ... life defiantly can throw some curve-balls.
I can't stop laughing ...
I think I like Roy ...
phicksus
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Sounds scary as heck Floppys but I have everything crossed as well. Will send you some good vibes. Hope they turn to good ones cause sometimes I'm kinda mean. 
I think I would really like your friend Roy. Sounds like a keeper to me.
I will sneak in a little kiss if you promise not to gag to much.
I think I would really like your friend Roy. Sounds like a keeper to me.
I will sneak in a little kiss if you promise not to gag to much.
Taffycat
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You might be feeling scared, but you're also one heck of an inspiration for others Flops, 'cos it's pretty hard to let small irritations get one down, knowing that you are going through such a tough time. Wishing you a return to good health in the very near future .... after all Flops, it's going to be chaotic in here with so many crossed-fingers and what-nots, think of the typing! Good luck with the treatment 
Good luck with the treatment 
cirianz
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I'd cross everything like BJ said,
but i reckon if I cross my legs you might end up with John up there pushing that merc
so I'll just stick to my fingers & toes
Reckon I like that mate of yours
but don't think you're getting away without a hug anyway
love ya
Now kick arse
but i reckon if I cross my legs you might end up with John up there pushing that merc
so I'll just stick to my fingers & toes
Reckon I like that mate of yours
but don't think you're getting away without a hug anyway
love ya
Now kick arse
Good to see Flopps that you have friends who will get you to smile in the hard days and weeks to come. Roy sounds like the kind of person who will get you to laugh & smile over the next few weeks.floppybootstomp said:Mucks, I've found I have two types of friend.
There are those who are suddenly over-friendly, give me a big hug when we meet and smile away. Which is nice but I get the feeling they think I'm going to shuffle off this mortal coil anyway.
Then there's others, like me mate Roy.
When I muttered thoughts about topping meself, he thought awhile then said 'Ok, can we make something out of this? We'll rig up three cameras, you drive your Merc off of Beachy Head, we'll film it.
You can wave, it'll look great on YouTube and we'll have something to remember you by'.
Suddenly, I wanted to live, lol
Good Luck
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Got some fat speakers?
Play Nelly Furtado - Promiscuous Girl *really* loud.
Makes me smile every time.
On a more serious note
Tony - don't think about the procedures and stuff as depressing, what i do is look at everything in a positive and realist light... and not let it get on top to the point of depression. Thats what i do, its not healthy, some would call it bottling up emotions i guess... but my way of thought processing has allowed me to cope scarily well with stuff to the point that its... abnormal. maybe thats linked to my almost non existant blood pressure i dont know. But look forward to the good times after all of this - be positive - pscchology plays a big part in things like this. After reading what i have just typed there, i dont want you to read that as me saying that what you have to go through is not depressing, because i know its going to be a tough time, but all will be ok buddy. P.s. get roy to send me the link.
just kidding
Play Nelly Furtado - Promiscuous Girl *really* loud.
Makes me smile every time.
On a more serious note
Tony - don't think about the procedures and stuff as depressing, what i do is look at everything in a positive and realist light... and not let it get on top to the point of depression. Thats what i do, its not healthy, some would call it bottling up emotions i guess... but my way of thought processing has allowed me to cope scarily well with stuff to the point that its... abnormal. maybe thats linked to my almost non existant blood pressure i dont know. But look forward to the good times after all of this - be positive - pscchology plays a big part in things like this. After reading what i have just typed there, i dont want you to read that as me saying that what you have to go through is not depressing, because i know its going to be a tough time, but all will be ok buddy. P.s. get roy to send me the link.
just kidding
cirianz
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christopherpostill said:
No chris, that's not bottling up your emotions, actually it's an extreemly healthy coping mechanism. A lot of pop psychology would have us make permanent victims of ourselves, but there are many ways to grieve (as many as there are people) & all are valid, but to celebrate your life & the life of your friend & to hunt for the happy & vital things (however difficult that might be sometimes) in your life is much healthier than to wallow. A bottom line survival instinct I think. In my opinion the traditional British saying/attitude "Well you gotta laugh don'tch-ya" can do you more good than a dozen psychologists
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Yeah... i suppose your right... and thinking about it, maybe this is why i have a really really low blood pressure (something or other over 55) ... because i don't let things tear me apart emotionally. Maybe theres no link...
But yes... you are right... i have the ability to control myself... mostly. Maybe this is also linked to my overactive imagination somehow. Don't know how, but just a thought.
As for the saying, yeah... true though i'd keeping a big sense of normality in your life throughout any particulary depressing or traumatic periods is absolutely key to being able to cope properly, i think.
People come to me for chats about stuff that they find hard or meaningful... and usualy it ends up in me saying look... what has happened has happened... nothing will change that and what you need to do is deal with it by doing X, or cope with it by maybe doing Y, and look at the positives and not the negatives.
Its amazing how many people get so caught up in the moment and don't think about this when it all seems the natural logical thought process for me.
My brain is weird
Oh dear god i'm rambling again
But yes... you are right... i have the ability to control myself... mostly. Maybe this is also linked to my overactive imagination somehow. Don't know how, but just a thought.
As for the saying, yeah... true
though i'd keeping a big sense of normality in your life throughout any particulary depressing or traumatic periods is absolutely key to being able to cope properly, i think.People come to me for chats about stuff that they find hard or meaningful... and usualy it ends up in me saying look... what has happened has happened... nothing will change that and what you need to do is deal with it by doing X, or cope with it by maybe doing Y, and look at the positives and not the negatives.
Its amazing how many people get so caught up in the moment and don't think about this when it all seems the natural logical thought process for me.
My brain is weird
Oh dear god i'm rambling again
cirianz
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Not wierd,
just dealing.
One of the ways that I used to deal with the s*it that happened to me was to Use it to learn & grow & to help other people. We don't get to control what will happen to us, but it's up to us what to do with it. & in the end we each have to find our own way.
Modern psychology often confuses grief with self pity & assumes that if we aren't living in the latter then we aren't grieving 'properly'. But, while it is natural to feel sorrow for ourselves while grieving, anyone who has grieved knows the difference between grief & self pity.
It sounds to me that you're dealing very well & to live your life well & full is the best tribute that you can pay to a friend who was quite a remarkable woman from what I read of her.
just dealing.
One of the ways that I used to deal with the s*it that happened to me was to Use it to learn & grow & to help other people. We don't get to control what will happen to us, but it's up to us what to do with it. & in the end we each have to find our own way.
Modern psychology often confuses grief with self pity & assumes that if we aren't living in the latter then we aren't grieving 'properly'. But, while it is natural to feel sorrow for ourselves while grieving, anyone who has grieved knows the difference between grief & self pity.
It sounds to me that you're dealing very well & to live your life well & full is the best tribute that you can pay to a friend who was quite a remarkable woman from what I read of her.
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I have just returned from Guys Hospital after seeing my consultant.
He tells me that there is now no sign of the cancer and that I am, to all intents and purposes, cured.
Follow up appointment with the doctor in five weeks from now, follow up appointment with consultant in two months, PET scan in three months. And they will be removing the feeding tube from my stomach soon (which I didn't actually use).
My goodness, I'm, er, kinda numb.
The radiotherapy lasted from October 30th to December 8th and I only really suffered in the last week and then for about ten days following the treatment. I had a very painful throat, felt weak and my skin looked sunburnt. The skin where my earlobes join my skull split and I bled a lot there.
I only had two of the planned chemotherapy sessions as the chemo affected my hearing, I couldn't hear the same high frequencies as I used to and I suffered intermittent tinitus. The chemotherpay also made me feel nauseous for about a week after each session.
The treatment has left me with what is likely to be a permanently dry mouth and very little sense of taste. I can't eat some things, especially dry stuff like bread and eating isn't much fun at all. I have lost weight. My taste may or may not return and if it does it could take up to six months and be altered.
But, I'm cured
So, there you go, smokers, you still want more convincing?
Tonight, a few beers
He tells me that there is now no sign of the cancer and that I am, to all intents and purposes, cured.
Follow up appointment with the doctor in five weeks from now, follow up appointment with consultant in two months, PET scan in three months. And they will be removing the feeding tube from my stomach soon (which I didn't actually use).
My goodness, I'm, er, kinda numb.
The radiotherapy lasted from October 30th to December 8th and I only really suffered in the last week and then for about ten days following the treatment. I had a very painful throat, felt weak and my skin looked sunburnt. The skin where my earlobes join my skull split and I bled a lot there.
I only had two of the planned chemotherapy sessions as the chemo affected my hearing, I couldn't hear the same high frequencies as I used to and I suffered intermittent tinitus. The chemotherpay also made me feel nauseous for about a week after each session.
The treatment has left me with what is likely to be a permanently dry mouth and very little sense of taste. I can't eat some things, especially dry stuff like bread and eating isn't much fun at all. I have lost weight. My taste may or may not return and if it does it could take up to six months and be altered.
But, I'm cured
So, there you go, smokers, you still want more convincing?
Tonight, a few beers