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itsme

itsme

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There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said,
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off your face."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: "Father, I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. However, yesterday I
picked up two college girls hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."

Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins? '"

Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm not a Catholic, Father ......... I'm Jewish."

Priest: "Then why are you telling me all this, my son?"

Man: "Father, I'm 92 years old ...............I'm telling everybody."
:D
 
lol

I`m not saying my mother in law is fat but when she fell down the stairs last night ...i thought Eastenders had finished :)
 
Rush said:
lol

I`m not saying my mother in law is fat but when she fell down the stairs last night ...i thought Eastenders had finished :)
Click to expand...

Hope your missus doesn't read that m8.
 
laughingsmiley.gif



Didn't get Rush's joke though :confused:
 
A group of 40-year-old buddies gather to discuss where they should all meet for dinner.
Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the "Flanagan’s Bistro" restaurant because the all waitress's there have low revealing tops and great breasts.

Ten years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet.
Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the "Flanagan’s Bistro” because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

Ten years later, at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they have a lengthy discussion about where they should meet.
Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the "Flanagan’s Bistro" because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

Ten years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet.
Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the "Flanagan’s Bistro" because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

Ten years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet.
After mulling it over, somebody suggests that they should meet at the "Flanagan’s Bistro" restaurant and everybody agrees it would be a great idea because they've never been there before.
 
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