Jokes

[itsme]

A Mafia gang takes on a deaf man to run their deliveries, feeling it would be safer [font=Arial,Helvetica]having someone unable to overhear conversations. However, one day when he is[/font] [font=Arial,Helvetica]to deliver a large sum of money, he never shows up with it. The mobsters track him[/font] [font=Arial,Helvetica]down, but don't find the money on him. As none of them are able to use sign language,[/font] [font=Arial,Helvetica]they bring in an interpreter.[/font]

[font=Arial,Helvetica]Mobster: "Where'd you hide the money?" (Interpreter signs the question.)[/font]

[font=Arial,Helvetica]The bag man signs his reply. The interpreter says, "He says he had to ditch it in the river because the cops were onto him."[/font]

[font=Arial,Helvetica]Mobster: "I'm not fooling around! You better tell me where that money is!"[/font] [font=Arial,Helvetica](Interpreter again signs.)[/font]

[font=Arial,Helvetica]The bag man signs his reply, and the interpreter relays, "He swears he is telling the truth. He had to get rid of it."[/font]

[font=Arial,Helvetica]The mobster pulls out a revolver and points it between the deaf man's eyes. "Tell me where that money is, or I'll kill you right now!"[/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica](Interpreter signs his statement.)[/font]

[font=Arial,Helvetica]The bag man, sweating profusely, signs, "It's inside a shoebox under a loose floorboard in my bedroom closet."[/font] [font=Arial,Helvetica]The interpreter says, "He says he doesn't know where it is and he doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger."


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[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=+0]LIPREADING[/size]:[/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=+0]Researchers tell us that only about 25 percent of what is said can be understood by lipreading.[/size][/font]

[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=+0]For example:[/size][/font]

[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=+0]Suppose a woman says:[/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=+0]"This place is a mess! C'mon,[/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=+0]You and I need to clean this place up,[/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=+0]Your stuff is lying all over on the floor[/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=+0]and you'll have no clothes to wear tomorrow[/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=+0]unless we do the laundry right now!"[/size][/font] [font=Arial,Helvetica][size=+0]Her lipreading husband will get:[/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=+0]blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON[/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=+0]YOU AND I[/size][/font] [font=Arial,Helvetica][size=+0]blah, blah, blah, blah, [/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=+0]blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR[/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=+0]blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, [/size][/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica][size=+0]blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW![/size][/font]


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[font=Arial,Helvetica]HOT MAMMA:[/font]


[font=Arial,Helvetica]A 92 year-old man went to the Doctor to get a physical.[/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica]A few days later the Dr. saw the man walking down the street[/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica]with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.[/font]

[font=Arial,Helvetica]A couple of days later the Dr. talked to the man and said, "You're[/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica]really doing great, aren't you?"[/font]

[font=Arial,Helvetica]The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma[/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica]and be cheerful."[/font] [font=Arial,Helvetica]The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart[/font]
[font=Arial,Helvetica]murmur. Be careful."[/font]
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[Taffycat]

 

[Abarbarian]