Why Her?

[ChristopherP]

Thankyou all for your kind words,

Our clo will be dearly missed. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=6323970 but a snapshot of when things weren't as bad.

The strength of her sister is truly amazing, she is a fantastic person http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=7010019

I spent today with some of my friends, making sure they are ok and giving hugs. to their parents too. everyone knew her.

Thanks all for your kind words. They are appreciated so so much.

 

[nomis]

Words can not help you at a time like this.
Being with your friends will help them & you.
Celebrate her life in a way she would like to be remembered by.
But above all our thoughts are with you at this sad time.

 

[ChristopherP]

Thankyou

and Welcome.

 

[Rush]

so sorry

I am so sorry Chris for the family and you as a great friend...please accept my sympathy to all concerned..you are a very special and caring person for one so young

 

[darcy]

i am truly most sorry to hear,, my sympathies to you and family,,

 

[cirianz]

I'm so sorry Chris

Remember we're here.

PM me anytime.

 

[ChristopherP]

I found out something really nice today...

Her dad is a member at some BMW Owners forum on the internet.

Alot of the members are getting together to provide transport with their BMW's from the church to crematorium and back etc, and they are sending a representative to the service.

I thought that was a really, really nice touch - it shows how close internet community forums really are.

 

[itsme]

I found out something really nice today...

Her dad is a member at some BMW Owners forum on the internet.

Alot of the members are getting together to provide transport with their BMW's from the church to crematorium and back etc, and they are sending a representative to the service.

I thought that was a really, really nice touch - it shows how close internet community forums really are.

That is really thoughtfull and kind. Shows one how much people really do care....

 

[floppybootstomp]

Anything positive is what's needed at times like these.

Ya know, I can really really sympathise with her Dad, me being father to two 18-year-old and one 19-year old daughters.

I'm really not sure if I could stand the hurt.

Again, my sympathies to all involved.

 

[murdoch]

My sympathies go to both your families.

May be in a few months think of a way that you could celebrate your friend's life, it may be making a donation to a charity she suppported or it may just be getting together with friends going through old photos and remembering the good times, the jokes & the laughs you all had.

Think of a time you all had with her and cherish that moment. Words can't really help at a time like this, but however the next few weeks go if you want to chat, or advice we are all here for you Chris.

 

[ChristopherP]

I just feel so useless really - i want to do everything i possibly can for them.

I'm ok compared to what they are going through words can't describe how they must be feeling.

http://www.bmw7resource.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=2809.0 << A diary. If you are interested in reading, theres a thread on a BMW forum. I don't think its the only one, but thats the one my mum found. They have a paypal donation thing at the top right too - they have raised a thousand pounds for them so far its amazing.

Its quite a moving story, even if you dont know the family. Don't feel you have to read it by any means but i know some of you will be interested.

I have many great memories of clo - one that immediatly springs to mind is when i was about 8ish years old. I was round theirs for dinner with my sister. I asked my friend nat, clo's sister, if she would marry me. She said no... Without skipping a beat Chloe said "Don't worry Christopher, I'll marry you".

None of us have ever forgotten that, and it was 10 years ago.

 

[Adywebb]

Thanks for posting the link Chris - it has given me a greater understanding of what Clo has gone through, and I know it is hard to accept - but I feel she is now in a better place without her suffering.

Your feelings of uselessness are normal mate - cherish the memories, remember those happier times and never forget her - its what she would want you to do

 

[cirianz]

Thank you chris, I cried when I read about her courage & strength & that of her family.

I know that you feel useless chris, as Ady said, that is normal, but know that you are not. The chances are that her family will never remember the things that you do to help now. Not because it's not appreciated. But simply because they will be fighting so hard just to survive this that they won't be storing memories in any coherent form. But even the little things that you do will make a difference in how they get through this, perhaps even if they get through, since, as flops said, to have to bury ones child is a nightmare & an abomination no parent should ever have to face. I would pray that I would never have to find out if I could survive that.

If you are wanting to help then I would suggest helping with the little things. Practical things. Even the most ordinary of things, like hoovering the house, paying the bills, organising meals or doing the dishes, can seem like huge mountains when you are grieving. Myself I found that for months my sense of time was very erratic & trying to organise things like bills & keeping appointments anything involving time pressure, became overwhelming. I don't know her family personaly so I can't say where their personal needs will be. But the things they will need help in will not necessarily be the obvious things, & the time when they will need the help the most will be after everyone has gone home & they are trying somehow to go on as if life can possibly return to normal.
One thing I would suggest, if you can do it, is going along with them when they go grocery shopping again the first few times. It might sound silly, but it is one of the worst places when you're grieving. When you find yourself automatically picking up her favourite drink, or face to face with the bikkies she loved. These things can trigger floods of memories that you're completely unprepared for & in a situation where you feel very vulnerable.

But whatever you do, even things that seem small & insignificant, will make a difference right now & in the months to come. You are making a difference, even if you don't always see the effects of your actions.
hugs, ciri x

 

[ChristopherP]

I'm going round there to wash their cars for them today.

We were round there alot of yesterday hoovering the carpets and vaxing them too after the cats. We have been doing their meals quite alot.

We are going shopping for them to get everything for friday which is when the funeral is at some point.

But i still just wish i could do more.

It will hit them after the funeral, it scares me. You just get so caught up in the formalities of it all you dont have time to stop and just think about it for days. I do hope they will be ok, as ok as they can be.

Debbie - sorry it made you cry. The most moving thing about that thread was the picture of her in hospital, without her wig on, with her kittens on the bed. Monster and Silver.

 

[cirianz]

It sounds like you are doing just fine Chris *hug*
You are right, it will really hit home after the funeral & after everyone has gone home. For you as well as them. Unfortunately this is also about the time most of the support gathered around them will start to disperse. But the things that you are doing now are things that make a real difference. The biggest thing you are doing is removing stresses & pressures that could otherwise be crushing at a time like this when ordinary things become so overwhelming.
You are a good person Chris, I know that you wish you could do more, but the things that you are doing are important. Much more than you know. Don't doubt that, and don't forget to allow space for your own grieving. It may not be out there visible, but it is happening & it is just as important. We are all here for you in our own ways. hugs, ciri x

 

[Anon_F]

Showing your feelings will be normal Chris.

Think of the day as a way to say goodbye, but also to celebrate her life.
And has been said before coming and posting here may help with the feelings you have at the moment. Use us to help you get through this sad period of your life.

And i'm sure you will have moments when you feel despair, depression, anger & above all a loss of a good friend. May be talking to your friends will help you & them through this tough period. And above all if you want to pour out your feeling, do so to your family, friends and us here also. Bottling things up will only make the pain you feel now worse.

Kind regards.