Two New Elements


Yorkshire Cruncher
Mar 21, 2007
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Scientists at CERN in Geneva have a new announcement - two new elements.

Scientists at CERN in Geneva have announced the discovery of the HEAVIEST element yet known to science. And yes ... it was discovered in Brussels, which is now the leading producer. It is suspected that there are also quantities in Strasbourg.

The first new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with whatever comes into contact with it. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from ten days to ten years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It decays in an unusual way undergoing a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons and more morons to be absorbed from outside thus forming new isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, the other new element, which radiates just as little energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other products are produced, leaving just the Administratium. Scientists are amazed by this as it seems to go against the Laws of Nature.

The scientists are fairly confident that there is yet another element close to discovery. It has already been named, EECium, and is thought to be infinitely more complex than the other two discoveries. Some suspect that its full structure will never be elucidated as it constantly changes, making investigation just about impossible. Having thrown endless amounts of money at it the scientists feel that they have made zero progress and are demanding more funds. The UK has been asked to contribute £60 billion towards it.

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