The morning after... ;)


Chatter Box
Oct 6, 2005
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Well, home again :p
I think... :confused:
I would like to say... before you read on... that the wedding was magical & the honeymoon fantastic :nod:
It might be hard to tell this from the accounts... so i thought I should say so :nod:

Now on to Murphys honeymoon. :rolleyes:
Males... skip the rest of the paragraph... I know you get squemish.
Girls... yes, you guessed it
Got my monthly the day before (!!!!!) the wedding.
2 weeks early, heading into the wedding day bloated & zitty.
My sister, who is a nurse, very helpfully commented that i should've gotten my Dr to prescribe me some progesterone in order to make sure that this didn't happen (I didn't strangle her!!! honest!)
Aparently that's what brides do :wall: :lol:
I'll make sure I remember that next time I get married :nod: ;)

OK guys, it's safe to look again ;)
So... we had our wonderful, romantic, honeymoon night in this holiday-home "the cottage" a friend rented for us for the night as a wedding present. If anyone even sniggers... :p
Then we popped home for some last minute stuff before we headed off to stay in the caravan I mentioned... so far so good.
i think I last left you when we were about to head up wanaka way & then over the Hast Pass...
The best laid plans aye...
we got as far as Hawea before we decided to stop for the night.
Hawea was a downer... there was campervans every where & whenever we found a likely spot to pitch tent we'd find wads & wads of... used toiletpaper under the trees & bushes.
people hadn't even bothered to bury it! It was awful.
Also, while we here in Dunedin were worrying that we'd not have any sun to get married by... the rest of the country has been in a rock solid drought! Most of the country was like desert! I'll show you some piccys later. & There are total firebans just about everywhere in the country, including Hawea. But, not ony did we find plenty of warm firepits, we found one fire that had actually been left burning when the people left. It was awful.
We ran into tourists everywhere we went, but Hawea was the only place where we encountered that total disregard for the land & for other people.
If you're coming over to NZ... stay away from there.
rant over...
So, eventually we found a place to set up camp...
Well... that was the idea anyway.
Rather than get depressed over what's been done to the place we were just mucking around playing & joking while we were clearing off the site prior to setting up the tent.
So it was when John was booting a stick around that he managed to hit the corner of the open boot with enough force that it flung him more than his body length from the car & flipped him right over.
This is one of those times where you fail to mention just how much blood there is until afterwards.
Scalp wounds p*ss blood everywhere to start with & this was a corner cut :wall:
& under the hairline of course so I couldn't put a proper dressing on it.
If we were here I'd've probably have taken him to the Dr for a stich or two, but it wasn't bad enough to warrant calling an ambulance out into the middle of nowhere for.
John was a bit woozy, had a mild concussion & it seemed a good idea to head to makarora & spend the night in a cabin rather than try set things up where we were.
Makarora has farmstays, B&Bs, Backpackers & cabins & it's fairly isolated.
There wouldn't be any trouble finding a bed for the night there :nod:
:lol: :lol: :lol:
We arrived the same day... (& unfortunately slightly after) as the entire cast from the Narnia 2 movie who had every bed in the area (literrally... the owner of the backpackers/cabin complex phoned everyone trying to find us somewhere) booked up for the next few weeks :lol:
Ya gotta love it :nod:
The people there were amazing though. The owner put us up in one of the staff huts free of charge & the girls helped us unload our stuff & they opened the kitchen cafe for us so we could get something to eat & the owner gave us a bottle of wine as a honeymoon pressie :)
Although I suggested to John that perhaps this wasn't the best time to drink it.
She had a much better first aid kit than I did also (They're miles from anywhere & I don't think there is even a Dr localy, certainly not a hospital) so I was able to do a much better Job of cleaning John up as well & taped a pad over the area so he could sleep. Although i still had to tape it to his hair in places. But I didn't want to use any of her bandages for something that would only be needed for the night.
The beds were just thin foam pads on slats so we didn't sleep very well.
Well I didn't
John was definitely on the woozy side & although not in danger of losing conciousness or anything serious, I doubt very much if even a major volcanic erruption could've kept him awake :p

We were only a few miles from the Pass at Makarora, but with John smelling like a 12 course dinner for all the family, we decided not to head into mosquito country the next day.
Oh... that's another story...
Normally when I'm around no one else has to worry about mozzies & sandflies
I'm allergic & apparently my blood smells like mosquito caviar :)rolleyes: yum.... )
Unfortunately John's not very used to mozzies,
He's spent almost his entire time in NZ in the south
So he was under the unfortunate impression that mosquito reppellants worked :blush:
& it just never occured to me to say otherwise.
It never occured to me that anyone would think so actually :blush:
plus... unfortunate for him... he turned out to also be allergic.
Luckily not as much as me so he didn't get bit so much,
But he certainly did get bit
The unfortunate bit however
is that I managed to get bitten just under my eye.
& boy did it swell :nod:
I spent the first half of my honeymoon looking like John'd smacked me one :lol:
& when we turned up at Makarora...
I had a black eye
John was covered in blood
I was dressed for the bush too so I was wearing a knife, bush-shirt, rough trou & hiking boots.
The people who run the place live in the bush so they didn't even notice
But all those american film crew, dressed all nice & clean, sitting around packed into the Bar/cafe must've thought we were a couple of lunatics just rid down from the mountains after a family squable :lol:
No... hang on... we were a couple of lunatics....... :lol:

Oh well... another day, another adventure...
The next day started quite well actually, the people at makarora fed us well & undercharged us for breakfast. The people there were fantastic. That's one place I would definitely recomend :nod:
Driving off however...
This is where the fuse for the area in the car that powers the cigarette lighter/charger & the stereo blew.
Now, I don't know about other people, but with john music is as essential ingredient for making a car move as petrol is.
The makarora garage wasn't too far away so we stopped off in there & the mechanic checked it, found that it was the fuse & replaced it with a 15amp one (it had been a 10amp one apparently)
He charged us $5 :nod:
Service with a smile.
The second time it went out was in Canterbury
The mechanic wasn't even sure where the fuse was
(Or I suspect what a fuse was)
pulled it out, looked at it
said he didn't know
& promptly forgot to put the fuse back.
For the rest of the trip the music came from my MP3 player plugged into a cheap pair of fold up speakers sitting on the open glove compartment :lol:
When we got back to Dunedin it cost $50 for a mechanic to tell us it wasn't the fuse this time but a loose wire & the reason we hadn't had music all this time was because the guy in canterbury had forgotten to put the fuse back in.
The silliest bit of this was that i had suggested to the guy in canterbury that I thought it was a wire not the fuse this time because the music had gone off then on & then off again.
Like I said, I suspect that he didn't actually know what a fuse was :rolleyes:
even I know once a fuse is gone it stays gone :wall:
Oh well, at least we had the MP3 player :nod:
So i won't complain ;)

Now... where were we...? :rolleyes:
Ah yes...
well, since we didn't fancy feeding John to the mozzies just then
we decided to head up to Mount Cook instead :nod:
If you're ever over here the scenic route up to Mt Cook is one of the highlights of the country
It's just as well I'd been that way before :nod:
Otherwise I might've been really miffed about not making it this time :nod:
Actually this is one of the really lucky moments of our trip.
Between all the wedding preparations beforehand & all the poor sleeping surfaces since
(No one but us would go camping on their honeymoon & forget the airbed :blush: )
I hadn't had much sleep for about 3-4 weeks by this stage.
Anyone who's familiar with Epilepsy knows that this is not a good thing.
But I had been so long beforehand without a seizure that i decided to risk a swim anyway.
a wee lake, out of the way & no one around.
If I had drowned John would've been tried 7 condemned in the media long before it ever reached a courtroom.
John can't swim so he was just sitting around on the blanket by the edge when he heard the noise & turned around & saw me facedown in the water.
Epileptics can drown very quickly & in very shallow water for the same reason as toddlers do. We gasp 'air' in very hard as we go down.
3% of all drownings each year are Epileptics.
John didn't even think to check how deep the water was, he just jumped in, boots & all
Luckily the water was only thigh deep & the surface gravel so he was able to keep his footing & keep my head above the water until I stopped convulsing & he was able to drag me out of the water.
he says my lips were blue & there was blood bubbling out of my nose & he was terrified
Although, in true multitasking fashion he also managed to picture some bus full of korean tourists with telephotolenses somewhere taking pictures of him holding a naked, twitching body down in the water :lol:
It must've been a bad seizure as I was very out of it afterwards
All I remember is the pain (the water has scraped all my breathing passages raw & I had a stink post seizure migraine, much worse than usual) & lying curled up in the light & shade & saying I wanted to go home.
So John took me home.
He drove all day & we got home late that night.
I had another seizure in the car going over the hills into Dunedin, & another one the next morning :(
I've never had 3 grande mal seizures in what was well short of a 24 hour period.
I spent both nights & the day we were home mostly out of it, sleeping of the post seizure migraines.
John, i think, did not get it quite so easy :(
We all spend a lot of time trying not to notice just how easy it is to die.
But we all know.
John especially.
My Epilepsy has always frightened him this way because he knows how many times it's nearly killed me.
In some ways i think I must be one of the luckiest people i know.
remind me to tell you some of my funny stories one day :rolleyes:
So we talked a lot
That's the third time I've had someone save my life & it's always very traumatic for them.
Not like in the movies.
Normally i don't talk about it much sorry
Didn't mean to depress ya :blush:

So... Once more into the breech.... :D :lol:
Christchurch this time.
We had a couple of half price dockets for a quite nice hotel in Christchurch so were planning a couple of nights there & thought we might pop in & check out the 'Erotica' expo which was on while we were there :nod:
All in all Chrichurch was quite good.
Only one of us got food poisoning :nod:
Poor John.
Did you know that no one in the area serves toast for breakfast anymore?
In the end we found a shop that did toasted bagels who said they'd do John some dry toast if he got some bread, which we did so John was eventually able to eat something that stayed down.
Since they were so nice to us I ordered a bagel for my breakfast.
I have to say that this place does the worst Bagels & the most disgusting tea (it really tasted like it had been stewing all night!) I have ever tasted!
I am absolutely gobsmacked that they are still in business!
& i mean really gobsmacked!
We're stubborn buggas so we decided to have fun anyway
The expo was boring!
Now it's really gotta take some work to make an expo on that subject boring!
The womans expo earlier this year was more raunchy & risque!
Mind you... we did get heaps of free condoms from all the "safe s*x" stalls :lol:
It was hilarious!
Aparently 70% of people who have chlymidia don't know that they've got it :confused:
I really want to know how they know this :nod:
Is it that they only tell 30% of the people they diagnose that they've got it?
Or do they mean that 70% of people don't know that they've got it until they find out... :confused:
Does that mean that the other 30% already knew they had it before they found out :confused:
I was a teenager in the 80's so I'm usually quite serious about STD's
But this really takes some cake or another.
I managed to restrain my self from asking the poor & rather earnest guy behind the stall these rather obvious questions. But I still couldn't help sniggering rather :rolleyes:

having spent the previous night with his head down the toilet John wasn't feeling like a huge night out on the town that evening so we decided to go see a movie instead.
After all of our adventures so far it was reassuringly fun just to do someting simple & ordinary :)
And besides, by this time it was clear that i was coming down with a cold.
I mean really!!!!
Concussions, food poisoning & drowning are one thing... but who gets a COLD on their honeymoon!!!
We had another night in Chch so we wandered around, did some things (including visiting the aviation musem :D ) & visited some places & met some people had a picnic in the park & fed some ducks
All the good little things that make a honeymoon fun even if they aren't the things that make for the best stories ;)
Besides... one of the ducks there was wandering around munching grass with her mates quite happily despite the fact that one of her feet was gone completely so what the he*ll did we have to complain about :)
we came home that day, I think we'd've done so even if we weren't comming down with colds (John was starting to show signs by then too)
One thing the honeymoon taught us was what a beautiful place we live in & after all the dry browness it was a huge relief to drive into the soft greeness of Otago. & especially to reach home itself :nod:
And there really is No place like home :nod:
But mostly
After all of the things that went wrong
& I haven't mentioned the lost cell phone, missing money, broken glasses & all the little things that can drive you up the wall
we still managed to have a fantastic time
A lot of laughs
collected a LOT of good stories
and never once had a fight.
All in all a successfull honeymoon I think :nod:
We're both still bogged down with this cold.
& John had to go back to work today as we've more than run out of money
Before we left someone, I think it was you taffy? sorry, I'm feeling too buggered now to go & check :blush:
but someone said that things change after you're married
But I didn't really believe it.
We've been together for 5 years now after all
& living together for nearly 3 of them.
know each other's strengths & weaknesses & funny little ways pretty well.
& it's not like when we were 20.
But you were right
it is different.
some of it will be the 'honeymoon period' I expect.
Altrhough we did that once already when we moved in together
(It came just before the... 'No one told me s/he did THAT!' period I remember)
& I expect some of it will settle back down into 'normality'
especially once the kids come home on friday
but nevertheless things have changed.
There is a sense of pulling together no matter what that wasn't there before.
Not like this anyway.
doesn't make sense I know because we've certainly had to face our share of adversities before & we've always pulled together.
But weather it makes sense or not
it is different
Sometimes I'm afraid to be so happy
because i know how fleeting happiness can be
& how fickle love can be also.
But this time I don't care.
I can never know how long this happiness will last
but I'll enjoy it while it does
& if the marrige doesn't work?
No relationship ends before it's time.
A relationship can only 'not work'
if it gets dragged on after it's finished
& that's the mistake I made first time round I think.
If we had each recognised that it was over earlier
Then perhaps it wouldn't've ended in such an awful way.
So I will just live & make the most of each day that we have
for however long it lasts
Who knows
I just might still be chasing him 'round the lounge long after we're doing it on walking frames ;)
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Offshore Crunchie Eater
Aug 18, 2005
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Wow Ciri, welcome back.

What an active honeymoon! Sounds like you need to have a bit of a rest :)

Very glad to see you both survived your 'expedition', better stay safe for a while :D


sugar 'n spikes
Mar 5, 2002
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You couldn't have made that lot up even if you'd tried - incredible :lol:

The main thing is that you're both obviously very happy :)

Welcome back to real life :D


Jan 31, 2005
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Welcome back Ciri! :wave:

Good to hear from you again. :)


I'm not weird, I'm a limited edition.
Mar 5, 2002
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I still want "copyrite" to the book ... or I ain't making the Film ... OK

Welcome home. :lol:


Feb 23, 2002
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Did you get a part in the Narnia film? That would have been cool :lol:

I'm glad you had fun, it sure sounds like an adventure :D


Yank Upstart
Aug 30, 2004
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Welcome back Ciri, sounds like you two had quite the adventure. Im sure you'll never forget it.... no mattter how hard you try. :D


Chatter Box
Oct 6, 2005
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lol, Thanks guys :D
it really is good to be back :nod:
it is persisting down today in true Dunedin fashion & I'm loving every minute of it :nod:
although the damp's getting to the cold a bit.

Ian Cunningham said:
Did you get a part in the Narnia film? That would have been cool :lol:

I'm glad you had fun, it sure sounds like an adventure :D

:lol: Somehow I think they were a bit too much worried about being murdered in their sleep to want to offer us Jobs :lol:
But the biggest part of getting bit parts in films is a willingness to sit around, without pay, often for days or even weeks, until they get around to doing that bit you happen to be in :nod:
& there's no telling how long the bits they're doing first will take.
John got a part in a film they were making down Aramoana last year but had to go back to work before they got around to the part he was supposed to be in.
& there's no shortage of people who'll step in & take your place so the film makers have to reason whatsoever to bother with things like pay & creature comforts.
The guys/gals in the Aromoana film were just sitting around on fold up stool drinking thermos tea & waiting.
They had to be there every day regardless of weather, just in case today was they day.
Some of the people there had been in a number of films & they said it's always like that.
I remember when I was a teenager i used to babysit for the director of the film they were making there, they were really nice people
but i suspect that back at home they had someone else do all their housework & childcare.
I am not renowned for my neatness
but their place was filthy :nod:
I would spend most of my time cleaning the house & bathing & cleaning the kids.
I'm not even sure they knew how to change a nappy.
They were lovely people, but if they were anyone else theyd've had welfare all over them.
LOTR was probably the biggest film they've made over here & I suspect half the population of the country was involved in some way or another (we now have a very large population of very highly skilled, unemployed fletchers & amourers & I'm quite sure sword making was not a common profession beforehand.)
& the country's CG experts got such a good workout that one of Raymonds friends got a six figure salary job offer from dreamworks or pixar recently (they fought over him & I can't remember which company won)
If you really want a top paying & almost gauranteed career go into computer graphics :nod:
The demand is skyrocketing
both in the Computer games & the film industry
but enrollments are plummeting big time.
Last year they fell by half & the same again this year.
Raymond had his Job cut from teaching 3rd year to first year towards the end of last year.
This year he has only a 3/4 (of the year) contract with the university to teach/tutor/be general dogsbody at the comp sci dept.
Yet at the same time we've just had Peter Jackson move back into the country to make a series of computer games for LOTR & the demand is going through the roof. & if you're a computer gamer then you don't even have to think about it to know this demand is worldwide.
Raymond personally thinks that people just aren't enrolling because the subject just isn't 's*xy' enough.
Or well known enough.
people with the inclination tend to go into IT (A job market that is flooded) rather than Computer science.
But, if you have the inclination & you want a job where you can pretty much name your own salary & gaurantee yourself work at the end of it... it's the way to go.
Probably about 80-90% of the coding is in Linux or Mac though.
Raymonds Home computer runs 2 different Mac OS's, Linux & windows
You gotta be pretty flexible.

Anyhow, I'm blathering again, main thing i was starting to say was that sitting around waiting like that did not sound like an appealing way to spend ones honeymoon ;)
& after our 'entrance' i really couldn't see them falling over themselves to offer us jobs :lol:

Better get back to being sick anyway. I'll pop in again later :)
Boy it is good to see you guys again :nod:


Growing old....
Jan 1, 2005
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Welcome back Ciri - I missed ya!!

Like several have said, you couldn't make those experiences up if you tried - there really is a book lurking about there somewhere - you seriously need to consider it, its sure to be a best seller :D

Anyway - glad your both back safely, if a little battered and bruised, just take my advice and don't get married again - I doubt you'll survive it next time


Chatter Box
Oct 6, 2005
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lol, have to agree Ady, don't think I want to make a regular thing of it :lol:
Like BJ said, I don't do things by halves
Just remind me again when it comes time for the 'second honeymoon' :eek:


Crunchy Cat
Jun 1, 2006
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Hi there Ciri :wave: it's really great to see you back, and thankfully in one piece! What an amazing honeymoon:nod: and I'm with the others here, who say that you really should write an autobiography .... assuming that you ever had time to write it, between so many adventures :D

Dare I enquire how Pringle fared whilst you were away? I hope you found him (and the rest of your animals, of course) well and happy?

Hope your colds will get better very soon - hot toddies, rest and pampering should help :D


Chatter Box
Oct 6, 2005
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Hi Taffy & Viv :wave:
Good to see you both :nod:
I'm begining to wonder if perhaps i shouldn't write a book... or three :rolleyes:
This honeymoon isn't out of character after all :lol:
& Some of John's funny stories can have you Pssng Yourself laughing & give you nightmares at the same time :lol:
What's that chinese curse... "May you live in interesting times"
Well can't say we've either had boring lives, but then wouldn't want to :rolleyes:

Pringle survived our absence very well
it probably helped that we popped home in the middle like that
but he's done just fine & is loving his baby bath pondlett :nod:
He can actually float in that :nod:
with the tray he had for bathing before all he could do was splash
But still have to change the water regularly.
got water restrictions now so has to do with one change a day
but should probably change it twice.
makes great liquid fertilizer for the plants though
He actually slept on the bath one night
it was like pea soup by morning :nod:
& he gets very miffed when people go around dirtying his water :lol:


Chatter Box
Oct 6, 2005
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I'm begining to wonder if perhaps I'm going to have to write a book
I am bored beyond belief!
No lessons to organise no kids to teach
No wedding to organise
& all the heavy labour involved in knocking the place into shape for the wedding
either done or a bit beyond me at the moment.
I have spent so long now with a to do list that exceeded the realms of physical laws
That my brain doesn't know how to cope with doing nothing :nod:
I was even late for my own wedding (ie didn't get my hair done)
because I was out in my wellies working
finishing things off
tying the gazeebo down so it didn't blow away in the winds we were having that morning (It's quite funny really, there was green string all over the place on the deck :lol: )
putting the animals away
giving the bathroom a final clean
etc etc etc
while my bridesmaids & man were busy getting dressed & doing each others hair etc
until eventually Bernie called out that didn't I think I ought to start getting ready also :blush:
Bernie was wonderful :nod:
He's John's best friend & is in the navy & had been off in Antarctica until a few days before the wedding
& I had been so busy i had forgotten to email him with the details of when the wedding actually was :blush:
so he phoned up the day before to say he was back & was quite surprised to find that it was on like 'now'
But he turned up early that morning & was very good about being assigned as impromptu official photographer :nod:
(which is why we do have some great piccys luckily :D
Don't worry, I'll have some up here very soon :nod: )
friends like that are like gold :)

I supose I should go & rest
but resting is VERY boring :nod:
I did have a life before there was a wedding to organise
It's got to be around here somewhere :nod:


I'm not weird, I'm a limited edition.
Mar 5, 2002
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You are, what I would call, and interesting writer ... Tony has a similar trait. ;)

Go for it, what the hell, even if you don't publish, I sure it will give you grate pleasure ... keep typing Gal.



Crunchy Cat
Jun 1, 2006
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Mr Mucks is right Ciri, and I for one would be champing at the bit to put my order in to Amazon to reserve a copy:D it would make a great read:nod:

I'm glad to hear that Pringle fared so well - he must be loving his very own little pond, pleeeze try to get a piccy of him when you feel well enough, he must look so cute when he's floating around on it :) Hope your colds are beginning to feel better?


Chatter Box
Oct 6, 2005
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Hi Taffy :D
& Thanks to both of you :blush:
Have to agree about Tony :nod:
reckon we should each write something in that uniquely Brittish genre the "Well you gotta laugh..." book type :nod:
might be fun :rolleyes:
The colds are yukky, but no worse than colds usually are
is really just the timing that has me whining
John sez "well every day's a honeymoon with you Debbie" :)
But still have to confess I'd be liking to have a lot more energy right now :rolleyes::nod:

Had to get some stuff ready for Tomo's scout camp this weekend
Her plane arrives at the airport (one hour's drive away from town) at 5pm friday
she has to be at the bus stop ready to leave at 6pm 'sharp'
& her Dad who was going to be picking her up at the airport
Had his car nicked while we were away :(
So I got Tomo's stuff ready last night
John's dropping it off at Raymonds today
Raymond's passing it on to his dad who's going to pick the kids up in Raymond's place
& try get Tomo to the right place at the right time
Now that sounds like a comedy of errors already
So... anyhow...
I was busy naming some of the camping stuff Tomo has to take with her
& it was really weird.
I had to put Stanley on the stuff since it was Tomo taking it & The camp people wouldn't have a clue who Debbie kendrick was (not even sure I do yet :lol: ).
But it felt really strange writing Stanley
Felt like i was writing someone elses name on my stuff :eek:
Didn't really expect that :confused:
Been Debbie Stanley for just under 40 years
& it's only been 2 & a half weeks after all.
Had to fill out my first official form as Debbie Kendrick last week
But I was expecting that to feel weird
Made it feel much more real though, so maybe that was it.
But still...
Not really a Kendrick yet
But Stanley doesn't fit anymore either :confused:
Does everyone have this dislocated time in the middle?
Or is it because I'm so old so been a 'Stanley' rather longer than most?
Ah well, I'll get used to it I suppose :nod:

Will get a piccy of Pringle as soon as poss :nod:
Still got to get the wedding & honeymoon photo's resized & posted yet as well :blush:
Actually went back to bed this morning :blush:
spent the morning having all those weird sort of dreams you have when you're sick
At one time i was trying to settle a wage dispute between three welshmen who were debating the subject loudly outside my kid's bedroom window... :confused:
Don't ask cos I have NO clue....
Just remind me never to go to one of those 'dream analysts' :lol:
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Sep 30, 2005
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That books a best seller already . Think what you could do with the advance , nevermind the film royalties .



Chatter Box
Oct 6, 2005
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You wait until it gets into the bits with the kids :nod:

My daughter has already, in the past, had a huge amount of fun explaining to people that "No, John's my mum's boyfriend, not my 'step father'. I already have a father."
For some reason this always leaves people very confused :lol:
although it seems pretty straightforward to me :nod:
John has no desire to step on Raymonds toes
&, as he says, he already did his tour of duty with his own four :lol:

I have always based my authority on the
"This is my house & while you live in my house you'll live by my rules.
If you don't like them, you can always go live somewhere else
& if/when you pay part of the mortgage, then you'll get a say in what the rules are" thing (this is hardly unique I think).
rather than the arbitrary "I'm your mum so you'll do what I say" thing.
cos anyone's who's a parent knows that somewhere along the line they turn around & say "why?" & "so what!"
(When my daughter reached that stage she was quite miffed to discover, after phoning around everywhere else she thought she could go live, that, not only could they not take her in, but they all had similar rules also.
So in the end I did not have to help her pack after all.) :lol:

Although it was not part of our original planning,
when Raymond & I first worked this basis for parental authority out, way back when I was pregnant,
It did stand us in good stead when Raymond & i spilt up
(At my house they live by my rules, at his house they live by his)
And it has also worked very well when John moved in here.
He pays half the mortgage so he has authority on this basis
without undermining Raymonds role as father.
To the kids John is their friend
But, because he pays half the mortgage he still has that authority
however, if there are any serious issues that need to be dealt with
then that is mine & Raymonds responsibility, one we took on when we decided to pop the sprogs in the first place.
It also helps in that, although normaly the difference in age between John & me (he is 9 years older than me) makes no real difference, it does show in our notions of childrearing, so this arangement helps John keep his distance when he might have handled something very differently if they were his own kids.
It works for us. & seems pretty straightforward to me.

However (after all the background waffle) This whole sort of arrangement makes no sense whatsoever to just about anyone else.
& both my kids & John (& myself to a lesser extent) have had to deal with other peoples assumptions about roles etc ever since he first moved in.
Tomo, for the most part finds it funny. She is very like me in that she enjoys making people question their assumptions when they start telling her what to be.
Being quite brilliantly intelligent & with a very deadpan style of humor, she has a tendency to leave a trail of shattered adults in her wake, gasping for breath & trying to figure out what hit them
(her swimming coach can't decide if he loves or hates her.)
She is looking forward, both to the fun of having a different last name to both her parents,
and to the opportunities that will now arise when people start insisting that they know better than she does about how the interpersonal roles in her own family should be organised :lol:
John has already been dealing with the, rather smug, pronouncements that now he would 'have to!' be the stepfather, whether he wanted to or not.
ever since he first started telling people that we were engaged :nod:
myself, I have always found it very curious just how much people are threatened by the way that we do things
& how strong their need is to try & make us fit into the norm.
I didn't think our way of doing things was all that different :confused:
Or that it was really anyone elses business.
(unless I saw someone seriously endangering a child
I would never dream of telling anyone else how to raise their children
wether i approved or not.)
But people really do.
it seems to be one area where everyone feels they have the right to stick their nose in :confused:
To much mushy pop psychology on TV I think.

So Tomo is heading off on a scout camp (she's in the sea scouts) on friday as i mentioned.
I can't wait :nod:
She already has picked up plenty of funny stories in the past
when people have gotten quite offended that the kids have(had) my surname rather than their father's.
It really has to be seen to be believed when, an otherwise intelligent human being, will stand there, arguing with a child, quite seriously, about what their surname should be :nod:
people are very strange :nod:
I can just imagine the stories that she'll be bringing home from camp :nod:

Oh... just in case there's any do-gooders passing through... my children were both fully involved in the discussions about wether or not I should change my name so ;) off

God, I can waffle on can't I :nod:
Maybe I really should write a book! :lol:
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