MVP's in training... a primer (revised)


J

john

yea, it's that time again... MVP's in training... a primer (revised)

-- apologies in advance to the few MVP's who really ARE worth their weight,
you know who you are... as does everyone else.--

For the rest of you MVP's & "wannabes" in training, here's a few basic
rules:

1) If a poster is having hardware trouble, always respond with "It's YOUR
fault, you should have done you HOMEWORK", regardless of the actual problem.
In fact, reading the entire post isn't even necessary.
- example: "So what if your new $500 "Vista Certified" video card has no
drivers? We never said it would work right NOW, we meant it MIGHT work
LATER." BTW, "Homework" = "Upgrade Advisor", yea, we know it's seriously
flawed, but who cares? We get to laugh at & ridicule those stupid enough to
have trusted it in the first place. It's a "win-win" situation for us if
ever there was one.

2) If a poster is having software trouble, always respond with "It's YOUR
fault, you should have done you HOMEWORK", regardless of the actual problem.
See? Easy isn't it? We went to great lengths to make sure upgraders would
have to buy as much new software (and hardware) as possible. See, we have
this "deal" with the vendors, but don't mention this online, just blame the
vendors instead. They don't care, they're getting rich too. Besides, they
won't say anything if they know what's good for them.

3) If a poster protests or questions your reply, take it up a notch.
Calling a poster stupid is usually sufficient to put them in their place.
How dare they. Better yet, divert all attention by complaining about
something totally unrelated, like top-posting or OT posts. Disparaging
comments about the posters mental state or physical attributes are always a
good way to sidestep any and all issues.

4) If a poster presents evidence that you are full of sh*t, merely sneer and
call them a liar. Always question their sources and present links to OUR
crapola, like the Upgrade Advisor or the Hardware Compatibility List.
Remember, these are what we are paying Marketing for. Use them. Otherwise,
when in doubt, simply lie (see #5).

5) Make stuff up. Technical expertise is not required on your part. Just
reply with baffling diatribes comprised of whatever you can pull out of
your butt. The more mind-numbing stupidity the better, this serves to leave
posters with that "deer in the headlights" look while they try and
comprehend what you just said. At the very least, this ought to keep them
quiet for a while. And whatever you do, never fall into the trap of having
to "prove" you point. Tell the posters to prove theirs instead. We are
above such things.

6) "It works for me". This is quickly becoming the mantra of choice. It's
benefits are twofold; #1) It clearly establishes you as technically superior
to the poster, as well as smarter - go ahead, beat your chest like an ape,
you've earned it. #2) It is just one more way to inform a poster of their
obvious low IQ (see #3 above). Never pass on an opportunity to employ this
tactic. Why? Because as long as we aren't actually going to help anyone, we
may as well provide some sitcom quality entertainment. Good boy, have a
banana.

7) If all else fails, simply call the poster a troll and encourage all your
fanboy buddies to sing along. This is generally the easiest route since
after all, we are Borg of Redmond.

8) Repeat steps 1-7 ad nauseum. Cut & Paste was designed just for this
purpose. Remember, it's not a lie if YOU believe it.

Never forget, this is all part of the grand design, to promote and protect
the Church of Microsoft. Religious zealotry is our way of life, it is in
our hands to seek out and crush the infidels where ever they may be.
Microsoft is NEVER wrong, NEVER at fault. We are the shepherds, upgraders
everywhere are the sheep. When the collection plate passes, feel free to
toss in your balls and your brain. Now bend over, ..attaboy.


* Disclaimer*
Your true mission, while cleverly disguised as "Technical Support" is really
all about noise and damage control.
Microsoft Legal loves you. How else could we possible assemble an army of
mindless unpaid droids to do our dirty work, all while having no official or
legal obligation, not to mention responsibility or accountability?

God Bless America.
--
=======================================
"If you hear that someone is speaking ill of you, instead of trying to
defend yourself you should say: "He obviously does not know me very well,
since there are so many other faults he could have mentioned"
- Epictetus
=======================================
 
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F

Former captain of the Enterprise

Good MVP's are scarce... I have not seen even one good MVP in this
newsgroup...
Your post describes them 100% and it is sad that they are so pathetic.

It seems that no MVP who really knows how computers and OS's should be
designed,
is not losing time with vista. All the good ones are focusing on other
technologies
that are PRE-Vista.
 
F

Former captain of the Enterprise

John that post should be etched on marble stone ....
Then sent to bill gates to put in his garden along with the replicas of
Michelangelo's scuptures.

its a work of art... you magnificantly described the nature of most MVP's
and ALL the ones I have seen in this particular newsgroup..

Im keeping this saved in my documents...

Thanks for taking the time to write it.
 
?

=?Windows-1252?Q?Scotty=A9?=

5) Make stuff up. Technical expertise is not required on your part. Just
reply with baffling diatribes comprised of whatever you can pull out of
your butt. The more mind-numbing stupidity the better, this serves to
leave posters with that "deer in the headlights" look while they try and
comprehend what you just said. At the very least, this ought to keep them
quiet for a while. And whatever you do, never fall into the trap of
having to "prove" you point. Tell the posters to prove theirs instead.
We are above such things.

hehehehe class
 
A

Adam Albright

yea, it's that time again... MVP's in training... a primer (revised)
-- apologies in advance to the few MVP's who really ARE worth their weight,
you know who you are... as does everyone else.--

For the rest of you MVP's & "wannabes" in training, here's a few basic
rules:

You nailed it John. Pity, those most needing to read what you said are
too full of themselves to bother and don't even know what MVP REALLY
stands for in 99% of all cases: MVP= Most valueless posters.
 
M

mikeyhsd

all too common now for the

mantra

to be common.

you missed a very important one.
see that the offending poster get a few extra viruses sent to them.



(e-mail address removed)



yea, it's that time again... MVP's in training... a primer (revised)

-- apologies in advance to the few MVP's who really ARE worth their weight,
you know who you are... as does everyone else.--

For the rest of you MVP's & "wannabes" in training, here's a few basic
rules:

1) If a poster is having hardware trouble, always respond with "It's YOUR
fault, you should have done you HOMEWORK", regardless of the actual problem.
In fact, reading the entire post isn't even necessary.
- example: "So what if your new $500 "Vista Certified" video card has no
drivers? We never said it would work right NOW, we meant it MIGHT work
LATER." BTW, "Homework" = "Upgrade Advisor", yea, we know it's seriously
flawed, but who cares? We get to laugh at & ridicule those stupid enough to
have trusted it in the first place. It's a "win-win" situation for us if
ever there was one.

2) If a poster is having software trouble, always respond with "It's YOUR
fault, you should have done you HOMEWORK", regardless of the actual problem.
See? Easy isn't it? We went to great lengths to make sure upgraders would
have to buy as much new software (and hardware) as possible. See, we have
this "deal" with the vendors, but don't mention this online, just blame the
vendors instead. They don't care, they're getting rich too. Besides, they
won't say anything if they know what's good for them.

3) If a poster protests or questions your reply, take it up a notch.
Calling a poster stupid is usually sufficient to put them in their place.
How dare they. Better yet, divert all attention by complaining about
something totally unrelated, like top-posting or OT posts. Disparaging
comments about the posters mental state or physical attributes are always a
good way to sidestep any and all issues.

4) If a poster presents evidence that you are full of sh*t, merely sneer and
call them a liar. Always question their sources and present links to OUR
crapola, like the Upgrade Advisor or the Hardware Compatibility List.
Remember, these are what we are paying Marketing for. Use them. Otherwise,
when in doubt, simply lie (see #5).

5) Make stuff up. Technical expertise is not required on your part. Just
reply with baffling diatribes comprised of whatever you can pull out of
your butt. The more mind-numbing stupidity the better, this serves to leave
posters with that "deer in the headlights" look while they try and
comprehend what you just said. At the very least, this ought to keep them
quiet for a while. And whatever you do, never fall into the trap of having
to "prove" you point. Tell the posters to prove theirs instead. We are
above such things.

6) "It works for me". This is quickly becoming the mantra of choice. It's
benefits are twofold; #1) It clearly establishes you as technically superior
to the poster, as well as smarter - go ahead, beat your chest like an ape,
you've earned it. #2) It is just one more way to inform a poster of their
obvious low IQ (see #3 above). Never pass on an opportunity to employ this
tactic. Why? Because as long as we aren't actually going to help anyone, we
may as well provide some sitcom quality entertainment. Good boy, have a
banana.

7) If all else fails, simply call the poster a troll and encourage all your
fanboy buddies to sing along. This is generally the easiest route since
after all, we are Borg of Redmond.

8) Repeat steps 1-7 ad nauseum. Cut & Paste was designed just for this
purpose. Remember, it's not a lie if YOU believe it.

Never forget, this is all part of the grand design, to promote and protect
the Church of Microsoft. Religious zealotry is our way of life, it is in
our hands to seek out and crush the infidels where ever they may be.
Microsoft is NEVER wrong, NEVER at fault. We are the shepherds, upgraders
everywhere are the sheep. When the collection plate passes, feel free to
toss in your balls and your brain. Now bend over, ..attaboy.


* Disclaimer*
Your true mission, while cleverly disguised as "Technical Support" is really
all about noise and damage control.
Microsoft Legal loves you. How else could we possible assemble an army of
mindless unpaid droids to do our dirty work, all while having no official or
legal obligation, not to mention responsibility or accountability?

God Bless America.
--
=======================================
"If you hear that someone is speaking ill of you, instead of trying to
defend yourself you should say: "He obviously does not know me very well,
since there are so many other faults he could have mentioned"
- Epictetus
=======================================
 
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Advertisements

R

Robert Moir

john said:
yea, it's that time again... MVP's in training... a primer (revised)

-- apologies in advance to the few MVP's who really ARE worth their
weight,
you know who you are... as does everyone else.--

For the rest of you MVP's & "wannabes" in training, here's a few basic
rules:

Oh dear. Someone not tell you what you wanted to hear?
 
J

John Barnes

Humorous, but seriously, don't you have anything better to do with your
time? MVP's you don't like are just as easy to block as the trolls.
 
F

Former captain of the Enterprise

Oh dear. Someone not tell you what you wanted to hear?

exactly he was expecting intelligence, helpfulness, and technical expertise
from the MVPs!

If he tried the chimp cage at the zoo, he would have better results!
 
F

Frank

john said:
yea, it's that time again... MVP's in training... a primer (revised)

-- apologies in advance to the few MVP's who really ARE worth their weight,
you know who you are... as does everyone else.--

For the rest of you MVP's & "wannabes" in training, here's a few basic
rules:

1) If a poster is having hardware trouble, always respond with "It's YOUR
fault, you should have done you HOMEWORK", regardless of the actual problem.
In fact, reading the entire post isn't even necessary.
- example: "So what if your new $500 "Vista Certified" video card has no
drivers? We never said it would work right NOW, we meant it MIGHT work
LATER." BTW, "Homework" = "Upgrade Advisor", yea, we know it's seriously
flawed, but who cares? We get to laugh at & ridicule those stupid enough to
have trusted it in the first place. It's a "win-win" situation for us if
ever there was one.

2) If a poster is having software trouble, always respond with "It's YOUR
fault, you should have done you HOMEWORK", regardless of the actual problem.
See? Easy isn't it? We went to great lengths to make sure upgraders would
have to buy as much new software (and hardware) as possible. See, we have
this "deal" with the vendors, but don't mention this online, just blame the
vendors instead. They don't care, they're getting rich too. Besides, they
won't say anything if they know what's good for them.

3) If a poster protests or questions your reply, take it up a notch.
Calling a poster stupid is usually sufficient to put them in their place.
How dare they. Better yet, divert all attention by complaining about
something totally unrelated, like top-posting or OT posts. Disparaging
comments about the posters mental state or physical attributes are always a
good way to sidestep any and all issues.

4) If a poster presents evidence that you are full of sh*t, merely sneer and
call them a liar. Always question their sources and present links to OUR
crapola, like the Upgrade Advisor or the Hardware Compatibility List.
Remember, these are what we are paying Marketing for. Use them. Otherwise,
when in doubt, simply lie (see #5).

5) Make stuff up. Technical expertise is not required on your part. Just
reply with baffling diatribes comprised of whatever you can pull out of
your butt. The more mind-numbing stupidity the better, this serves to leave
posters with that "deer in the headlights" look while they try and
comprehend what you just said. At the very least, this ought to keep them
quiet for a while. And whatever you do, never fall into the trap of having
to "prove" you point. Tell the posters to prove theirs instead. We are
above such things.

6) "It works for me". This is quickly becoming the mantra of choice. It's
benefits are twofold; #1) It clearly establishes you as technically superior
to the poster, as well as smarter - go ahead, beat your chest like an ape,
you've earned it. #2) It is just one more way to inform a poster of their
obvious low IQ (see #3 above). Never pass on an opportunity to employ this
tactic. Why? Because as long as we aren't actually going to help anyone, we
may as well provide some sitcom quality entertainment. Good boy, have a
banana.

7) If all else fails, simply call the poster a troll and encourage all your
fanboy buddies to sing along. This is generally the easiest route since
after all, we are Borg of Redmond.

8) Repeat steps 1-7 ad nauseum. Cut & Paste was designed just for this
purpose. Remember, it's not a lie if YOU believe it.

Never forget, this is all part of the grand design, to promote and protect
the Church of Microsoft. Religious zealotry is our way of life, it is in
our hands to seek out and crush the infidels where ever they may be.
Microsoft is NEVER wrong, NEVER at fault. We are the shepherds, upgraders
everywhere are the sheep. When the collection plate passes, feel free to
toss in your balls and your brain. Now bend over, ..attaboy.


* Disclaimer*
Your true mission, while cleverly disguised as "Technical Support" is really
all about noise and damage control.
Microsoft Legal loves you. How else could we possible assemble an army of
mindless unpaid droids to do our dirty work, all while having no official or
legal obligation, not to mention responsibility or accountability?

God Bless America.

How original john! Bet you stayed up all night finding that one (snort).
It tells the true story about brainless linux losers like you who simply
don't have a clue and never will. I often wonder how morons like you
ever scraped together enough money to even get a computer. Oh, your mum
pay for it? Of course she did. Losers like you have no future.
Listen, I can hear trash dot calling you.
(belch, burp, smirk, snort)
Frank
 
J

Joe Guidera

I don't go to church :)

Joe

john said:
yea, it's that time again... MVP's in training... a primer (revised)

-- apologies in advance to the few MVP's who really ARE worth their
weight,
you know who you are... as does everyone else.--

For the rest of you MVP's & "wannabes" in training, here's a few basic
rules:

1) If a poster is having hardware trouble, always respond with "It's YOUR
fault, you should have done you HOMEWORK", regardless of the actual
problem. In fact, reading the entire post isn't even necessary.
- example: "So what if your new $500 "Vista Certified" video card has no
drivers? We never said it would work right NOW, we meant it MIGHT work
LATER." BTW, "Homework" = "Upgrade Advisor", yea, we know it's seriously
flawed, but who cares? We get to laugh at & ridicule those stupid enough
to have trusted it in the first place. It's a "win-win" situation for us
if ever there was one.

2) If a poster is having software trouble, always respond with "It's YOUR
fault, you should have done you HOMEWORK", regardless of the actual
problem. See? Easy isn't it? We went to great lengths to make sure
upgraders would have to buy as much new software (and hardware) as
possible. See, we have this "deal" with the vendors, but don't mention
this online, just blame the vendors instead. They don't care, they're
getting rich too. Besides, they won't say anything if they know what's
good for them.

3) If a poster protests or questions your reply, take it up a notch.
Calling a poster stupid is usually sufficient to put them in their place.
How dare they. Better yet, divert all attention by complaining about
something totally unrelated, like top-posting or OT posts. Disparaging
comments about the posters mental state or physical attributes are always
a good way to sidestep any and all issues.

4) If a poster presents evidence that you are full of sh*t, merely sneer
and call them a liar. Always question their sources and present links to
OUR crapola, like the Upgrade Advisor or the Hardware Compatibility List.
Remember, these are what we are paying Marketing for. Use them.
Otherwise, when in doubt, simply lie (see #5).

5) Make stuff up. Technical expertise is not required on your part. Just
reply with baffling diatribes comprised of whatever you can pull out of
your butt. The more mind-numbing stupidity the better, this serves to
leave posters with that "deer in the headlights" look while they try and
comprehend what you just said. At the very least, this ought to keep them
quiet for a while. And whatever you do, never fall into the trap of
having to "prove" you point. Tell the posters to prove theirs instead.
We are above such things.

6) "It works for me". This is quickly becoming the mantra of choice. It's
benefits are twofold; #1) It clearly establishes you as technically
superior to the poster, as well as smarter - go ahead, beat your chest
like an ape, you've earned it. #2) It is just one more way to inform a
poster of their obvious low IQ (see #3 above). Never pass on an
opportunity to employ this tactic. Why? Because as long as we aren't
actually going to help anyone, we may as well provide some sitcom quality
entertainment. Good boy, have a banana.

7) If all else fails, simply call the poster a troll and encourage all
your fanboy buddies to sing along. This is generally the easiest route
since after all, we are Borg of Redmond.

8) Repeat steps 1-7 ad nauseum. Cut & Paste was designed just for this
purpose. Remember, it's not a lie if YOU believe it.

Never forget, this is all part of the grand design, to promote and protect
the Church of Microsoft. Religious zealotry is our way of life, it is in
our hands to seek out and crush the infidels where ever they may be.
Microsoft is NEVER wrong, NEVER at fault. We are the shepherds, upgraders
everywhere are the sheep. When the collection plate passes, feel free to
toss in your balls and your brain. Now bend over, ..attaboy.


* Disclaimer*
Your true mission, while cleverly disguised as "Technical Support" is
really all about noise and damage control.
Microsoft Legal loves you. How else could we possible assemble an army of
mindless unpaid droids to do our dirty work, all while having no official
or legal obligation, not to mention responsibility or accountability?

God Bless America.
--
=======================================
"If you hear that someone is speaking ill of you, instead of trying to
defend yourself you should say: "He obviously does not know me very well,
since there are so many other faults he could have mentioned"
- Epictetus
=======================================
 
Ad

Advertisements

J

john

Frank said:
How original john! Bet you stayed up all night finding that one (snort).
It tells the true story about brainless linux losers like you who simply
don't have a clue and never will. I often wonder how morons like you ever
scraped together enough money to even get a computer. Oh, your mum pay for
it? Of course she did. Losers like you have no future.
Listen, I can hear trash dot calling you.
(belch, burp, smirk, snort)
Frank

ROFL
some pre-pubescent dweeb who feels compelled to make virtual sounds of
bodily functions.
too funny - you just can't make this stuff up... ( btw, you left out 'fart'
and 'sniff' )

Frank as overheard on mIRC:

Frank - can someone give me that idiots ip address. I will hack him
loser#2 - here, try this. 127.0.0.1
Frank - thnx man. now this idiot is history, his ass is mine
loser#2 - have fun
//auto message - 'Frank' has left the chat
 
R

Robert Moir

Former captain of the Enterprise said:
exactly he was expecting intelligence, helpfulness, and technical
expertise from the MVPs!

Perhaps he should seek a refund. How much does asking a MVP cost again?
 
C

Colin Barnhorst

To heck with you then!

Former captain of the Enterprise said:
Good MVP's are scarce... I have not seen even one good MVP in this
newsgroup...
Your post describes them 100% and it is sad that they are so pathetic.

It seems that no MVP who really knows how computers and OS's should be
designed,
is not losing time with vista. All the good ones are focusing on other
technologies
that are PRE-Vista.
 
C

Colin Barnhorst

Well then nuts to all you guys! I don't need to spend any more of my time
trying to help jerks who make blanket statements about people who give
hundreds of hours a month for no renumeration simply because they like
seeing other users have a pleasant experience with Windows. I am absolutely
furious about both the tone and content of this thread and embarrassed for
the lot of you. If this is the direction this ng has gone since my illness
I feel sorry for all of you.
 
A

Alias

Colin said:
Well then nuts to all you guys! I don't need to spend any more of my
time trying to help jerks who make blanket statements about people who
give hundreds of hours a month for no renumeration simply because they
like seeing other users have a pleasant experience with Windows. I am
absolutely furious about both the tone and content of this thread and
embarrassed for the lot of you. If this is the direction this ng has
gone since my illness I feel sorry for all of you.

Note that John wrote, and I quote:

"-- apologies in advance to the few MVP's who really ARE worth their weight,
you know who you are... as does everyone else.--"

Alias
 
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J

john

Colin Barnhorst said:
Well then nuts to all you guys! I don't need to spend any more of my time
trying to help jerks who make blanket statements about people who give
hundreds of hours a month for no renumeration simply because they like
seeing other users have a pleasant experience with Windows. I am
absolutely furious about both the tone and content of this thread and
embarrassed for the lot of you. If this is the direction this ng has gone
since my illness I feel sorry for all of you.

trust me, the "direction" you speak of is due in no small part to a small
band of MVP's themselves, as well as their fanatical fanboy entourages, and
it has been around -much- longer than this post has...

--
=======================================
"I know not a single less irrelevant reason for an update than bugfixes.
The reasons for updates are to present more new features."
-- Bill Gates, on code stability, from Focus Magazine << look it up frank
=======================================
 
C

Colin Barnhorst

Does not wash with me! It's like using the N-word and then apologing by
saying "some of you are OK and you know who you are." I have spent large
amounts of time researching issues for users who could have researched for
themselves because I felt sorry for their plight and just wanted to help. I
have also purchased hundreds of dollars of materials (such as Mark Minasi's
course) in order to have more answers at the ready. John can make any
disclaimer he wants but he can't disclaim for the other posters like
Captain-whatever and his cronies. I see now that MVP's are resented and
hated and I just don't know why. It hurts and I'm outta here. Bye.
 
F

Former captain of the Enterprise

Hey.... dont blame us.. blame the lame MVPs in here who are
pathetic....

We are not saying that all the MVPs of the world are bad.. but the ones we
have been seeing in here
are downright pathetic...

Enough about that though...

my personal opinion is that one should seek other ways to help people in a
more massive way...
than helping people one by one in a newsgroup....

if you are interested in how this can be achieved, and you are interested in
doing something like that, tell me... because I know how.
 
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F

Frank

Former said:
exactly he was expecting intelligence, helpfulness, and technical expertise
from the MVPs!

If he tried the chimp cage at the zoo, he would have better results!

Sorry there capin' crunch but that's simply not true. His posting was a
rant listing all his so-called problems. He was not asking for help.
Big difference.
Frank
 

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