J
john
-- apologies in advance to the few MVP's who really ARE worth their weight,
you know who you are...
as does everyone else.--
For the rest of you MVP "wannabees" in training, a few basic rules:
1) If a poster is having hardware trouble, always respond with "It's YOUR
fault, you should have done you HOMEWORK", regardless of the actual problem.
In fact, reading the entire post isn't even necessary.
example: "So what if your new $500 "Vista Certified" video card has no
drivers? We never said it would work right now, we meant it might work
LATER."
2) If a poster is having software trouble, always respond with "It's YOUR
fault, you should have done you HOMEWORK", regardless of the actual problem.
See? Easy isn't it? We went to great lengths to make sure upgraders would
have to buy as much new software as possible. See, we have this "deal" with
the vendors, but don't mention this online, just blame them instead. They
don't care, they're getting rich too. Besides, they won't say anything is
they know what's good for them.
3) If a poster protests or questions your reply, take it up a notch.
Calling a poster stupid is usually sufficient to put them in their place.
How dare they. Better yet, divert all attention by complaining about
somethign totally unrelated, like top-posting, OT posts or posts to wrong
NG's.
4) If a poster presents evidence that you are full of sh*t, merely sneer and
call them a liar. Question their sources and present links to OUR crapola,
like the HCL or the UA. Remember, this is what we are paying Marketing for.
When in doubt, simply lie back.
5) Make stuff up. Technical expertise is not required on your part. Just
reply with baffling diatribes comprised of whatever you can pull out of
your butt. The more confusing the better, this serves to leave posters with
that "deer in the headlights" look while they try and comprehend what you
just said. At the very least, this ought to keep them quiet for a while.
6) If all else fails, simply call the poster a troll and encourage all your
droid buddies to sing along. This is generally the easiest route since
after all, we are Borg of Redmond.
7) Repeat steps 1-6. Cut & Paste was designed just for this purpose.
Remember, it's not a lie if YOU believe it.
Remember, this is all part of the grand design, to promote and protect the
Church of Microsoft. Religious zealotry is a way of life, it is in our
hands to seek out and crush the infidels whereever they may be.
Microsoft is NEVER wrong, NEVER at fault. We are the shepherds, upgraders
everywhere are the sheep.
* Disclaimer*
Your true mission, while cleverly disguised as "Technical Support" is really
all about noise and damage control.
Microsoft Legal loves you. How else could we possible assemble an army of
mindless unpaid droids to do our dirty work, all while having no official or
legal obligation, not to mention responsibility or accountability?
God Bless America.
you know who you are...
as does everyone else.--
For the rest of you MVP "wannabees" in training, a few basic rules:
1) If a poster is having hardware trouble, always respond with "It's YOUR
fault, you should have done you HOMEWORK", regardless of the actual problem.
In fact, reading the entire post isn't even necessary.
example: "So what if your new $500 "Vista Certified" video card has no
drivers? We never said it would work right now, we meant it might work
LATER."
2) If a poster is having software trouble, always respond with "It's YOUR
fault, you should have done you HOMEWORK", regardless of the actual problem.
See? Easy isn't it? We went to great lengths to make sure upgraders would
have to buy as much new software as possible. See, we have this "deal" with
the vendors, but don't mention this online, just blame them instead. They
don't care, they're getting rich too. Besides, they won't say anything is
they know what's good for them.
3) If a poster protests or questions your reply, take it up a notch.
Calling a poster stupid is usually sufficient to put them in their place.
How dare they. Better yet, divert all attention by complaining about
somethign totally unrelated, like top-posting, OT posts or posts to wrong
NG's.
4) If a poster presents evidence that you are full of sh*t, merely sneer and
call them a liar. Question their sources and present links to OUR crapola,
like the HCL or the UA. Remember, this is what we are paying Marketing for.
When in doubt, simply lie back.
5) Make stuff up. Technical expertise is not required on your part. Just
reply with baffling diatribes comprised of whatever you can pull out of
your butt. The more confusing the better, this serves to leave posters with
that "deer in the headlights" look while they try and comprehend what you
just said. At the very least, this ought to keep them quiet for a while.
6) If all else fails, simply call the poster a troll and encourage all your
droid buddies to sing along. This is generally the easiest route since
after all, we are Borg of Redmond.
7) Repeat steps 1-6. Cut & Paste was designed just for this purpose.
Remember, it's not a lie if YOU believe it.
Remember, this is all part of the grand design, to promote and protect the
Church of Microsoft. Religious zealotry is a way of life, it is in our
hands to seek out and crush the infidels whereever they may be.
Microsoft is NEVER wrong, NEVER at fault. We are the shepherds, upgraders
everywhere are the sheep.
* Disclaimer*
Your true mission, while cleverly disguised as "Technical Support" is really
all about noise and damage control.
Microsoft Legal loves you. How else could we possible assemble an army of
mindless unpaid droids to do our dirty work, all while having no official or
legal obligation, not to mention responsibility or accountability?
God Bless America.
