Films

[nivrip]

Things you would never know without the movies:

- During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

- When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

- If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade - at any time of year.

- The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.

- All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

- The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place - noone will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

- Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite.

- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.

- You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language - a German accent will do.

- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

- When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill; just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

- Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

- If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

 

[EvanDavis]

- Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

I do that

 

[Becky]

Ha ha very good!

Don't forget that English people are nearly always either intelligent or evil

 

[TriplexDread]

Ha ha very good!

Don't forget that English people are nearly always either intelligent or evil

I prefer the Intelligent statement Bex

 

[PotGuy]

Haha, great thread. I'll try and add a few more.

- Bad guys will all be armed with submachine guns but will inexplicably spray them randomly in the hero's general direction, missing every shot and so allowing him to kill all of them with his pistol.

- After capturing the hero, an arch nemesis will always have a lengthy chat with him instead of killing him immediately, frequently turning his back or becoming easily distracted by something allowing the hero to escape and kill him.

- Either that or the arch nemesis will release the hero and drop his gun so they can finish it will a punch up, which he never wins.

- No one in a helicopter ever shuts the door.

- There is no such thing as double glazing.

- Factories, kitchens and industrial facilities are filled with extremely passive workers who think nothing of complete strangers with guns chasing each other through their place of work.

 

[Taffycat]

Great stuff... and a couple more:

When a hero's gun runs out of bullets.... he just throws it away.

When driving, it is more important to keep looking at your passenger. No need to look at the road ahead.

Try holding your breath for as long as the person escaping from a car underwater. He/she will splutter as they break surface - you've probably passed-out.

It is never a problem to find a parking space in a city.

People talking on the telephone never say goodbye.

There's never any need to look-up a stranger's phone number.

 

[Urmas]

Tyres squealing on gravel... my favourite.

 

[nivrip]

Here are a few more.


It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.

Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off, even while scuba diving.

Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).

Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).

On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard.

All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).

Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).

If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.

If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.

Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.

All single women have a cat.

Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.

No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.

A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

It is not necessary to say “Hello” or “Goodbye” when beginning or ending a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying “Hello? Hello?” repeatedly.

One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one (this is known as Stallone's Law).

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.

Plain or even ugly girls can become a movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.

All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.

Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers
.
In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.

All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).

 

[cirianz]

Oh, and another one: any prostitute working the street will never be bothered by gangs, pimps or protection racketeers (with the sole exception of law enforcement officers) so long as they don't use drugs.

And of course: all prostitutes are female.

And one that is amusing in New Zealand anyway: Prostitutes are never represented at a careers day at school.

 

[Anon_F]

what about firearms that never run out of bullets.

 

[Alfred Allen]

what about firearms that never run out of bullets.

very true also: usually blond girls are killed first

 

[nivrip]

And another batch.

Having a job of any kind will make fathers forget their son's
eighth birthday.

The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they are to fall in love.

Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste by their actions.

Anyone typing on a computer when someone is looking over their
shoulder type everything perfectly without having to use backspace.


Important data that terrorists want to get their hands on is always stored on ONE floppy disk only. It is not possible for the hero to make a backup of that floppy.

Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially if any of their family or friends have died in a strange boating accident.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
communication systems of any invading alien civilization

When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.

A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

Wearing a vest or stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.

Being a detective means that you always find the killer just the minute before the criminal is about to commit some new horrifying crime.

Being a computer programmer means that you recognize and know all backdoors to any kind of software on any kind of computer in any timecritical moment.

If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert in Nuclear Fission at age 19.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.


When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.


No matter how fuzzy the photograph it can always be enlarged to show the finest detail.


All aliens speak English.

 

[historian]

Of course it`s only in a fantasy world all that takes place in--you do realise that? (giggle)
historian