There's a mixed up:
With the external drive plugged in, right click (not left click) the drive
in the folders list, then left click Properties and then the Hardware tab.
Left Click the name of the external drive in this list, then click Properties
button below and then click Policies tab. This takes you to the "Write
caching and safe removal tab. The default position is "Optimize for quick
removal" not "Optimize for performance" as implied by Freecom and Microsoft.
You can put the icon in the notification area by clicking the underlined
"Safely Remove Hardware" on this page.
Did you try Kelly's tool:
http://www.kellys-korner-xp.com/xp_tweaks.htm
Line 5. Restore Safely Remove Hardware icon