Things to ponder

[V_R]

#1...Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

#2...Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is no money in theaccount?

#3...Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

#4...Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

#5...Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

#6...Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

#7...Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

#8...Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

#9...Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

#10..If people! evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

#11..Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

#12..Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

#13..Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

#14..Why do people keep running over a string dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

#15.Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

#16..How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

#17..When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

#18.Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

#19. .In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

#20..How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

#21..If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try it like your wife told you to do it?

#22..And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!

And a FAVORITE.....

#23...The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness.


Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you

 

[cirianz]

Good one Vanilla

#2...Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is no money in the account?

#9...Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

Oh I espicially love it that, if I transfer money between my accounts (within the same bank) I get charged a fee in one account for the sending of the money & another fee in the other account for recieving it! Two fees for one 'electronic transaction'. & worse, I knew about the first fee obviously, but I never even noticed the second until, one month, it seemed that the number of electronic transaction fees in my recieving account seemed quite a bit higher than it ought... but turned out to be exactly the right number when I added in all the times I'd recievd money into the account by electronic means. These guys must be making a packet off this little racket!!!

& as for #9, I want to know why the word dyslexic is so hard to spell!? My little boy is having enough trouble with learning to read, the chances of him ever being able to spell the name of his disorder are... well, I'm sure you can guess. Even dyslexics who learn to read relatively easily always tend to have difficulty with spelling. Someone was definitely feeling sadistic that day!!!

I used to have a variation of the first sentance as my siggy a long time ago untill someone took offence & got all het up on behalf of dyslexics everywhere apparently. Whomever invented political correctness should perhaps be introduced to the concept of cranial impairment with the aid of a vertically challenged piece of rapidly moving metalic compound. The ability to laugh at ourselves is an essential survival skill.