The 'Official PCR Bad Joke' Thread!

[floppybootstomp]

Alright, I shall tell my camel joke.

Plodding through the desert Ishmael Abdullah decides to ease his sore feet by buying a camel and makes his way to Mustafa Jodrell, the local camel dealer, first left at the oasis.

Greetings Mustafa, says Ishmael, may Allah bless you, what camels have you for sale? Mustafa leads him to the yard at the back where several fine looking camels are tethered to a palm tree. Whilst viewing the livestock Ishmael notices a man wearing a huge turban and a long white shift on the other side of the yard tending to a single camel.

Ishmael observes the man take two bricks and slam them together very hard on the camel's testicles whereupon the camel whinnies loudly, snorts, and bolts off to the other side of the yard.

Ishmael asks Mustafa 'What is he doing?' Mustafa replies 'Castrating the camel, it makes them more even tempered'.

'Doesn't that hurt?'

'Not if you keep your thumbs outside the the bricks.'

 

[Anon_F]

 

[bootneck02]

 

[Taffycat]

Re: bricks...Ouch!



My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in..

He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot," I said "I'll take that as a condiment."

So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then," I said "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa," I said "Moo," he said "You're closest."

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic man who walks into a bra...

So Sylvester Stallone, Jackie Chan, and Arnold Schwarzenegger decide to make a movie about classical musicians. But they all had to pick a part so Sly goes first and says he wants to be Handel because that's his favorite, Jackie goes next and says he wants to be Mozart because he kicks ass. Then Arnold said, "I'll be Bach"

 

[Anon_F]

Ok, threads merged, we now have just that. do your worst.

I nominate TC.

 

[Abarbarian]

So Sylvester Stallone, Jackie Chan, and Arnold Schwarzenegger decide to make a movie about classical musicians. But they all had to pick a part so Sly goes first and says he wants to be Handel because that's his favorite, Jackie goes next and says he wants to be Mozart because he kicks ass. Then Arnold said, "I'll be Bach"

A man walks into a bar

Ouch ! It was an iron bar.

 

[TriplexDread]

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never
met herbivore

 

[TriplexDread]

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist

 

[TriplexDread]

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest

PMSL you asked for it

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes

 

[nivrip]

A bride on her wedding night says to her husband “I must confess darling, I was a hooker!”

He says 'That's all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'.

She replies 'Well, my name was Barry, and I played for Wigan'

 

[Taffycat]

Loving these!!

Did you hear about the guy who went to a zoo that had no animals except for a dog...?
It was a Shih Tzu

Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A. A fsh.

Q. What's yellow, lives in a tree, and is VERY VERY dangerous?
A..A canary with a machine gun.

Q. What do you get when you cross the Ocean with the Titanic?
A. Half-way

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other..
"Do you know how to drive this thing?"

We had a nice quiet dinner last night....
Except for the Celery, of course!

I put clean socks on every day this week...
Now my shoes don't fit!

 

[Quadophile]

May I?



I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.

You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

The longest sentence known to man: "I do."


AND FINALLY THIS ONE IS DEDICATED TO THE DEAR LADIES AT THE PC REVIEW!

Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

 

[nivrip]

Q: What is the definition of a hangover? A: The wrath of grapes.

Never,under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill,and a laxative on the same night!

And one for the ladies -
"Daddy," a little boy asked his father. "How much does it cost to get married?"
"I don't know, son. I'm still paying for it."

 

[Urmas]

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.

A few moments later, he stealthfully slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and said, "Father, remember Luke 14:10!"

The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.

Further on whilst changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Luke 14:10!" Once again the priest apologized and removed his hand.

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance, and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Luke 14:10. It said, "Friend, go up higher. Then shalt thou have glory..."

 

[EvanDavis]

"Goodnight honey", I said as I got up to go to bed.
"I'm trying to make the marmalade jealous."

"I just hired a metal detector for the day,
or "Pikey" as some people call them."


"I decided to write a joke about restraining orders.
This is the closest I could get".


"Why won't you just be happy for me?!" - Girl with a Dwarf fetish.

 

[Taffycat]

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his mobile and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend - I think he's dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Caller, please try to stay calm. and listen carefully. I can talk you through what you need to do, okay?"

"Right, so what do you want me to do first..?"

"Well caller, first, we need to make sure he's dead." There is a silence, "Hello! Caller, are you still listening...?

A shot is heard followed by the guy's voice "OK, did that, now what?"

 

[Taffycat]

Can you take a double-dose? I've just found a few more, lol.

Two babies are in the park and one says to the other, "I'm a little baby girl, what are you?" The other baby replies, "I'm a little baby boy." So the little girl baby asks, "How do you know?" So the little boy baby pulls back his blanket and says, "Look....................blue socks!"


Bargain! Parachute. Only used once, never opened. Small stain.


A brunette and a blonde stand on opposite sides of a large lake. The brunette shouts across to the blonde 'How do I get to the other side?' The blonde looks puzzled for a moment and eventually shouts back 'You ARE on the other side!'


Q: What do you call a 3 legged donkey?
A: A Wonkey

 

[Anon_F]

Now that's made me smile thanks TC.

 

[nivrip]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
'What are you doing?'she asked.
'Hunting flies' he responded.
'Oh! Killing any? 'she asked.
'Yep, 3 males, 2 females,' he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, 'How can you tell them apart?'
He responded,'3 were on a beer can,2 were on the phone"

 

[Taffycat]

At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material for a dress and asked the male sales assistant: "How much does this cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," he replied with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards please."

Full of anticipation, the male assistant quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out. The girl took the parcel and pointing to the elderly man standing beside her, smiled and said, "Granddad's paying."