joke x 2

[itsme]

Paddy applies to appear on “Who wants to be a millionaire”

He makes it to the questions, Chris Tarrant asks the first question,

Paddy answers correctly.

Chris Tarrant then asks the next question, right paddy he says you have £100,

Now for £200 here comes the question

Which Ronnie was one of the great train robbers?

Ronnie barker> Ronnie Corbett > Ronnie Biggs> or Ronnie Ronald.

Ho! said Paddy. Chris I have had a great day but I will take the £100

Chris says hang on you have all your lifelines left, that sounds a bit daft taking £100

Paddy says Chris I may be daft but I am no grass, I will take the money.




Murphy is in jail.



One morning a prison officer sees Murphy hanging from the ceiling by his feet,

What are you doing Murphy, I am trying to hang myself, you silly bugger says the prison officer you supposed to put the rope around your neck, Murphy I tried that he said but I couldn’t breath.

 

[ChristopherP]

Hahaha!!!! Good ones

 

[Taffycat]

good ones Itsme

 

[Urmas]

The oil well had been on fire for over ten days. Nothing like it had ever been seen in Saudi Arabia. The world's experts had come, tried and failed to extinguish the blaze. Even Red Adair had had to admit defeat. What to do? Put up a reward! Yes, that was the answer. So the emir offered twenty million dollars to anyone who could put out the fire and the world's press printed the news. For two days there were no takers and then suddenly, out of nowhere, over a huge sand hill came a jeep. Emerald green in color, it was, bearing the logo 'Murphy's of Finglas'.

Sixty, maybe seventy, miles an hour the jeep hurtled towards the flames with a dozen red-faced Irishmen hanging on for dear life. Into the center of the maelstrom raced the vehicle spilling the men on to the burning oil. Up and down they hopped, stamping fiercely with their Wellington boots until gradually, ever so gradually, the flames abated and the fire was snuffed out.

'Bravo, bravo,' bellowed the delighted emir. 'You have more than earned the twenty million dollars. Now tell me, what's the first thing you'll do with the money? Holidays, Rolls-Royces, houses, what?'

'Well,' said Murphy, 'the first thing we're going to do is get the brakes fixed on that jeep!'

 

[nivrip]

Nice one, Urmas. I expected you to be telling jokes about Swedes,Norwegians or Russians, they being your nearest neighbours.

 

[Urmas]

Such as... this one?

One foggy night off the southwestern coast of Norway, a Swedish battle ship received a radio signal in Norwegian telling it to shift course 10 degrees to the west.
The Swedish captain bristled, and replied that the sender should shift HIS course 10 degrees to the east!
Moments later the reply came telling the Swedish ship to move 10 degrees to the west.
"I vil NOT!" screamed the captain. He turned to the radio operator and yelled, "Yu tell dat dumb norveegian to shift 10 degrees to da east!"
Again came the reply to the Swede to shift his course 10 degrees to the west.
By now the captain was livid, and he signaled "NOW YU LOOK HERE, I AM A CAPTAIN ON A SWEDISH BATTLE SHIP, AND I AM TELLING YU TO SHIFT YOUR COURSE 10 DEGREES TO THE EAST IF YU KNOW VAT'S GOOD FOR YU!"
Moments later came the reply: "Ja, vel I am at the Norveegian lighthouse and you vil shift 10 degrees to da vest, if yu know vat's good for yu!"

 

[nivrip]

That must be a VERY old joke, Urmas. Battleships were obsolete by the 1940s

Still, they say the old jokes are the best.

 

[itsme]

Corrrr!!!! they will hijack anything on a PC these days

 

[Urmas]

Ooooooops...

 

[itsme]

Ooooooops...

Hiya Mr Hijacker Nice to have a laugh

 

[Urmas]

Hiya Mr Hijacker

I'm surprised how well I performed here. Hijacking isn't my speciality, but I do have a Ph.D in shredding.