I Cant Get No Power Captain Scotty Out

[Miss Perspicacia Tick]

I'm boycotting the Olympic Games; how dare they stop
Tatiana Grigorieva competing. --ing conspiracy!


' Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.
' Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody tuesday.
' Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long.
' I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
' I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob.

PS. Have you ever thought about the amount of pointless
punctuation in english. Take for instance, the word "don't."
What's the point of the apostrophe? It's not as if it can
have any other interpretation. (That is, apart from donut.)

So since we're cleaning up the internet by banning the word
"whilst," I vote we ought to toss out the apostrophe and
introduce "dont, wont, cant, ..., etc."

Erm, because the apostrophe replaces the missing letter. And 'wont' without
an apostrophe has an entirely different meaning

"wont chiefly formal, literary or old use adj habitually inclined;
accustomed • He is wont to retire to bed early. noun a habit that one has •
It was her wont to rise early. verb, tr & intr (wont or wonts, wont or
wonted, wonting) to become, or make someone become, accustomed. wonted adj
customary.
ETYMOLOGY: Anglo-Saxon gewunod accustomed."

Taken from the Chambers English Dictionary. It might be old-fashioned, but
it's still recognised English.

 

[Guy Worthington]

since we're cleaning up the internet by banning the word
"whilst," I vote we ought to toss out the apostrophe and
introduce "dont, wont, cant, ..., etc."

[can't] the apostrophe replaces the missing letter. And 'wont'
without an apostrophe has an entirely different meaning

Dearest Mistress Tick, whilst thou, gentlest of ladies,
useth many words to pen thy graceful and elegant letters,
thy servant is wont to write with a small number of words;
and wouldst more think 'Wont' as the name of an oompah-
loompah from Willy Wonka's Chocolate factory, than a real
honest-to-goodness word still in common circulation.

However, as I am not an unreasonable man, and because only
gentle folk (as is their wont) will want to use 'wont,'
I will just declare 'wont' (previously spelled won't) and
'wont' (previously spelled wont) as homonyms - thereby
ending any confusion in their use.

This is the start. Perspicacia come joineth me. For united
we can vanquish English: Think! American, no, smart-TXT, as
the lingua-franca of the Commonwealth.

Yours sincerely

your unworthy correspondent