Jokes Thread - Part III
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Brunette`s for a change.
What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.
What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it.
What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible.
What's a brunette's mating call?
"Has the blonde left yet? "
Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
The hair from a buffalo's was more manageable.
Why is brunette considered an evil colour?
When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?
What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
The invitation
What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette?
A hostage
Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
It matches their moustache.
==============================================
There were 3 girls on the run being chased by cops, they went in a barn and hid in 3 separate potato bags.
The cops picked up the 1st bag and the auburn says, "meow meow".
The cops said there's nothing in this bag except kittens they picked up the 2nd one and the brunette says, "woof woof">
The cops say there's nothing but puppies in this bag they picked up the 3rd one and the blonde says, "THERE"S NO-ONE IN HERE!"
What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.
What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it.
What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible.
What's a brunette's mating call?
"Has the blonde left yet? "
Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
The hair from a buffalo's was more manageable.
Why is brunette considered an evil colour?
When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?
What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
The invitation
What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette?
A hostage
Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
It matches their moustache.
==============================================
There were 3 girls on the run being chased by cops, they went in a barn and hid in 3 separate potato bags.
The cops picked up the 1st bag and the auburn says, "meow meow".
The cops said there's nothing in this bag except kittens they picked up the 2nd one and the brunette says, "woof woof">
The cops say there's nothing but puppies in this bag they picked up the 3rd one and the blonde says, "THERE"S NO-ONE IN HERE!"
thats a great one, i'll have to remember that
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A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the brunette lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."
=================================
A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible.
The blonde knows that she's speeding so she asks the brunette if there's a cop behind them.
The brunette looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the blonde. The blonde then asks if his he's got his lights on. The brunette replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No"
----------------------------------------------------
A guy took his redhead girlfriend to her first football game.
Afterward he asked her how she like the game.
'I liked it, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents,' she said.
'What do you mean?' he asked.
'Well, everyone kept yelling, 'Get the quarter back!'
==========================================
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."
=================================
A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible.
The blonde knows that she's speeding so she asks the brunette if there's a cop behind them.
The brunette looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the blonde. The blonde then asks if his he's got his lights on. The brunette replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No"
----------------------------------------------------
A guy took his redhead girlfriend to her first football game.
Afterward he asked her how she like the game.
'I liked it, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents,' she said.
'What do you mean?' he asked.
'Well, everyone kept yelling, 'Get the quarter back!'
==========================================
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Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of university, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of £125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a five-week vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching your retirement fund to 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red 3.2 Jaguar?"
The young engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
The engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of £125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a five-week vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching your retirement fund to 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red 3.2 Jaguar?"
The young engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
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Remeber her
[font=Verdana,]"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.
"No thank you." the gentleman replied. "That will be all."
As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed.
"Anything for your wife ?" he asked.
"Yeah ! That's a good idea." the fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard [/font]
[font=Verdana,]"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.
"No thank you." the gentleman replied. "That will be all."
As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed.
"Anything for your wife ?" he asked.
"Yeah ! That's a good idea." the fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard
[/font]
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Automatic Radio
[font=Verdana,]A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working.
"Madam," said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!"
She drove out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said, "Nelson."
The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?"
She was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.
She was stopped at a traffic light enjoying "On The Road Again" when the light turned green and she pulled out. Suddenly an enormous sports utility vehicle coming from the street she was crossing sped toward her, obviously not paying attention to the light. She swerved and narrowly missed a collision.
"Idiot!" she yelled and, from the radio, "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States."[/font]
[font=Verdana,]A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working.
"Madam," said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!"
She drove out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said, "Nelson."
The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?"
She was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.
She was stopped at a traffic light enjoying "On The Road Again" when the light turned green and she pulled out. Suddenly an enormous sports utility vehicle coming from the street she was crossing sped toward her, obviously not paying attention to the light. She swerved and narrowly missed a collision.
"Idiot!" she yelled and, from the radio, "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States."[/font]
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Resurrection Of The Dead
[font=Verdana,]"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, sir," the new recruit replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine ... " the boss went on.
"After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she
stopped in to see you."
[/font]
[font=Verdana,]"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, sir," the new recruit replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine ... " the boss went on.
"After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she
stopped in to see you."
[/font]
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Swimming
[font=Verdana,]Theres a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde, all stranded on an island.
The first day they look north for land, and they don't see anything.
The second day, they look to the south for land, but don't see anything.
The third day, they look east for land, but again, don't see a thing.
Then, finally the fourth day, they see land to the west.
First the redhead tries to swim across to land, but drown's quarter of the way.
Then, the brunette tries, but only gets half way, then drown's.
Finally the blonde tries. She swims three quarters of the way, gets tired, and swims back to the island.
[/font]
[font=Verdana,]Theres a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde, all stranded on an island.
The first day they look north for land, and they don't see anything.
The second day, they look to the south for land, but don't see anything.
The third day, they look east for land, but again, don't see a thing.
Then, finally the fourth day, they see land to the west.
First the redhead tries to swim across to land, but drown's quarter of the way.
Then, the brunette tries, but only gets half way, then drown's.
Finally the blonde tries. She swims three quarters of the way, gets tired, and swims back to the island.
[/font]
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Getting On The Bus
[font=Verdana,]In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful blonde was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn't! So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"
At this the Texan drawled "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends." [/font]
[font=Verdana,]In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful blonde was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn't! So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"
At this the Texan drawled "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."
[/font]
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Blonde Swimmer
[font=Verdana,]A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race. The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool. The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out; 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets out. The judge says, "The gold medal goes to the brunette, the silver medal goes to the redhead, and the bronze goes to the blonde". The blonde says, "I don't want to be a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their arms." [/font]
[font=Verdana,]A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race. The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool. The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out; 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets out. The judge says, "The gold medal goes to the brunette, the silver medal goes to the redhead, and the bronze goes to the blonde". The blonde says, "I don't want to be a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their arms." [/font]
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Leaving Early
[font=Verdana,]Three women all worked in the same office, with the same female boss. Each day they noticed that the boss would leave work early.
One day, the women decided, that when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called, or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early.
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, played with her son, and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the gym before meeting her dinner date.
The blonde was happy to get home early to suprise her husband. But when she got to the bedroom,
she heard a muffled noise coming from inside.
Slowly and quietly she cracked open the door, and was mortified to see
her boss in bed with her husband!
Gently she closed the door, and crept out of the house.
The next day the brunette and the redhead planned on leaving early again and asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.
"NO WAY," the blonde exclaimed, " I ALMOST GOT CAUGHT YESTERDAY!!!"
[/font]
[font=Verdana,]Three women all worked in the same office, with the same female boss. Each day they noticed that the boss would leave work early.
One day, the women decided, that when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called, or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early.
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, played with her son, and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the gym before meeting her dinner date.
The blonde was happy to get home early to suprise her husband. But when she got to the bedroom,
she heard a muffled noise coming from inside.
Slowly and quietly she cracked open the door, and was mortified to see
her boss in bed with her husband!
Gently she closed the door, and crept out of the house.
The next day the brunette and the redhead planned on leaving early again and asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.
"NO WAY," the blonde exclaimed, " I ALMOST GOT CAUGHT YESTERDAY!!!"
[/font]
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