nivrip
Yorkshire Cruncher
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2007
- Messages
- 10,884
- Reaction score
- 2,137
Not sure if these are truly genuine but I found them amusing !
> > These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are
> things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
> now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying
> calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
>
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
> morning?
> WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
> ____________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget..
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
> forgot?
> ___________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
> sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
> ___________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
> _________________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Guess !
> ____________________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS:None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get
> a new attorney?
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death…
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
> _____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
> deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
> dead people?
> WITNESS: All of them... The live ones put up too much of a fight.
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
> go to?
> WITNESS: Oral...
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
> ____________________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
> for a pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No…
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
> you began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
> nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
> practicing law.
> > These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are
> things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
> now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying
> calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
>
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
> morning?
> WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
> ____________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget..
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
> forgot?
> ___________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
> sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
> ___________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
> _________________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Guess !
> ____________________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS:None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get
> a new attorney?
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death…
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
> _____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
> deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
> dead people?
> WITNESS: All of them... The live ones put up too much of a fight.
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
> go to?
> WITNESS: Oral...
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
> ____________________________________________
> > ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
> for a pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No…
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
> you began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
> nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
> practicing law.
