How to give a cat a pill...

cirianz

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Oh the memories... ;)








How to give a cat a pill:

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.

Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.

As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.

Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear Paws tightly with left hand.

Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger.

Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and Rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head Firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill Down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.

Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.

Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.

Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away.

Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill.

Open another beer.

Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing.

Force mouth open with dessert spoon.

Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.

Drink beer.

Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab.

Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.

Toss-back another shot.

Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the Road. Apologise to neighbors who crashed into fence while swerving to Avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13. Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed.

Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be firm about it.

Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the Emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm And removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way Home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.



How to give a dog a pill:

1. Wrap it in bacon.
 
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peahouse05

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How to give a cat a pill

Hi ciriantz,
Must have at least three brave people with gardening gloves (the leather sort). All must have thick shirts buttoned down to the wrist and current accident insurance. First mug holds front legs, second mug holds rear legs and body, third (least brave) rubs butter onto nose (the cat's), forces jaws open, pops in pill, holds jaws closed and rubs throat (the cat's).
All watch the cat's throat for swallowing motions. When confident that pill has been swallowed release cat - then watch as said cat retrieves pill from somewhere and spits it onto the floor. Pick up pill and repeat above three times. Now the pill is mush, so get a fresh one (remember these things cost about £1 each).
I didn't claim to have an answer - this is just what happens.
Don't try the vet - we did that when our dwarf rabbit needed its claws trimmed - he (the vet) looked terrified and flinched every time the rabbit moved.
The above method will at least avoid claiming on the house insurance and will at worse leave you only slightly trembly. Our other cat would take a whole packet with no problems.
Regards,
peahouse05:wave:
 

cirianz

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yeah, a few years ago I had a cat that had feline AIDs & had to have pills every day so in the end I got pretty used to it & for the most part can pop a pill down a cat's throat with little more than a few minor lacerations, but when it comes to John's cat Pumpkin. Well even he won't do it (although he'll hold the occasional leg for me, when he can catch them, while I do it). the first time I had to worm her I actually caught her completely by surprise & managed to get the damn things down her 2-3 times without springing a single leak before she figured out how I was doing it. Now, of course, it's a completely different story *shudder* But John still finds it hard to believe that, even now, I generally do manage to suceed in the end... eventually... with minimum breakage, furniture damage & loss of limbs:rolleyes:

mind you... I do keep a very well stocked first aid kit :p


I must admit the solution in the joke (ie the spca) does sound awfully tempting :rolleyes:
 
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LOL

I actually took my cat 'Sooty' to the vets a while ago because he had hurt his leg. After examining him he asked could I administer the Antibiotics via hand in the way of pills. I said "yes sure" He was quite amused!

When I asked why he is laughing he said "You would be one of the first that I have ever heard about being able to do this with ease"

I showed him on the table, he was amazed as I simply sat Sooty down stroked his head and held his mouth open and inserted this pill into a very undestanding cat.

Then just to show off I examined Sootys teeth infront of him too.

He couldnt beleive it..

I left giggling to myself
 

cirianz

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yes... i will confess to being a little smug about my cat medicating skills until I encountered pumpkin. But then Pumpkin is the sort of cat who will quite happily remove someone's potetial to reproduce if they move while she is sitting in their lap :eek:
 

muckshifter

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laughingsmiley.gif
reminds me of the 'cat bath' joke
laughingsmiley.gif



Nettie's cat was a dawdle to give pills to ... just give it to her and she would eat it ???
nod.gif
 

cirianz

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Yeah, my sister had a cat like that when we were kids. Gave me all sorts of unfulfillable expectations about the process :rolleyes: But it was just like that. Like the pills were 'kitty treats' or something... only they didn't have kitty treats back then :confused: Maybe they just have different tastebuds or something:p
 
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Our old cat could smell a set up miles away, but she could not resist fish or prawns, so as long as we could crush the pill in to fish all ok, well as long as we did not give her anything else until she had eaten the fish!

Current cats are the same, the oldest one last time was bribed with everything, in the end she got king prawns, a whole, very expensive bowl of them for just one pill. But i won the battle, didn't i?:rolleyes:
 

peahouse05

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How to give a cat a pill

Hi All,
Yes! They can spot a setup before you've thought of it. And try not to think 'catbasket' as you fetch one - they will know.
Cheers,
peahouse05:wall:
 
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I get one of the vets nurses to do it for me as she lives near by, after all my cats alreay think they own the house & that we & the dog are their to serve them. Any thing a bit suspect and they are out the cat flap and up a tree or in the field quickly!
 
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get the vet to do it

I pay the local vet enough money already so putting a pill in the cats mouth is simple. Much easier than checking a Cow for a Calf and a lot easier on the hand:rolleyes:
 

peahouse05

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How to give a cat a pill

Hi All,
A dog approaches a door, looks at you and the look says, 'Please open the door'.
With a cat the look says, 'Why isn't that door open yet?'
Slave to two cats, a dwarf rabbit and a 29 year old 'kipper'.
peahouse05:nod:
 

cirianz

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peahouse05 said:
Hi All,
Yes! They can spot a setup before you've thought of it. And try not to think 'catbasket' as you fetch one - they will know.
Cheers,
peahouse05:wall:

:lol: yeah, I have often had that joyous experience where, no matter how many limbs you are clenching, nor how firmly, the cat always seem to manage to come up with a few more, leaving me in the joyous situation where the cat has all paws (usually only 4 again by that time) permanently bonded to the edges of the opening while I am pushing... rather futilely... at the body in between... back & forth... Back & fourth... :rolleyes:
All attempts to seperate limbs from the edges are, of course futile as the cat has the quasi-magical ability to leave my arms covered in scratches... without once ever having removed said paw from said edge... :confused:
I knew I had left my sanity somewhere....

& then. about 3 years ago I adopted a cat after a friend of mine died of cancer (Her family were going to put him in a cats home!!! ) & this cat, Rikki Tikki, will quite contentedly wander into the cat-cage, curl up on the padding & look up at me with a "Oh cool... so where are we going this time:)" look???

Further more, he is obviously a corrupting influence as one of my other cats (I have 5, that's not including John's cat pumpkin) Has since taken to sleeping in the thing???

& when it comes to sniffing out set-ups. This same cat is the kitten (well, he's about 3+ years old now) of another cat I once owned who dissapeared 2 days before her appointment with the vet for speying. Turned up again a couple of months later... (long past the time you believe them 2B under a bush somewhere beside some road) & not at our place mind. Hugely pregnant she stayed with us
long enough to pop the sprogs & get them weaned, then promptly disappeared again, this time permanently... ?!
She was quite affectionate when she was with us, but frankly I don't think she really fancied living with people very much.
 

peahouse05

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How to give a cat a pill

exmoor said:
A 29 year old kipper? can you explain in laymans terms please?

Hello exmoor,
Kids In Parents' Pockets Eroding Retirement funds. I other words a 29-year-old daughter still living at home. My neighbour has a 36-year-old version.
Cheers,
peahouse05:wave:
 

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