12 imaginative ways to make your vista PC go faster

[Tiberius]

1. drop it off the empire state building, you will have g accelaretion minus
air friction. Use an aerodynamic case.
2. Stuff it inside a nuclear cannon and pull the trigger.
3. Place on top of a Saturn 3 stage rocket and hurl it into space
4. Place it inside the CERN particle accelerator
5. Send it inside a black hole where it will accelerate close to the speed
of light
6. Place it inside a small time machine, so that its time continuum is
faster than ours
7. Take your vista and install it on the computer from the crashed Roswell
UFO that is a trillion trillion teraflops,
it will probably slow it to a crawl, but the dead aliens wont care much.
8. Freeze all humanity in hypothermic stasis using cryogenics until vista
finished loading a program, then when its finished, thaw them. Vista will
not really be faster, but at least you wont die waiting for it.
9. Kill yourself and let your ghost use vista, as a ghost time has no
meaning,
10. Collide vista that is made of matter with anti-vista that is made from
antimatter. The result will be an explosion were all matter is converted to
pure energy in the form of gamma rays traveling at the speed of light.
11. Place Vista on top of a Tesla coil and step up the voltage to 100
million volts. An electrical surge of all the static electricity in the
stratosphere will surge through it and send it to the 5th dimension creating
a teleporting effect similar to the one in the Philadelphia experiment.
12. Install XP and make it into a fake vista with themes and wallpapers...
it will be 100% faster than the real horrid thing.

-thank you

 

[Jiminator]

You forgot one

Strap your puter to the fan blade on a 3gigawatt electrical wind turbine,
at least it will help generate some electricity.

 

[Doris Day - MFB]

1. drop it off the empire state building, you will have g accelaretion
minus air friction. Use an aerodynamic case.
2. Stuff it inside a nuclear cannon and pull the trigger.
3. Place on top of a Saturn 3 stage rocket and hurl it into space
4. Place it inside the CERN particle accelerator
5. Send it inside a black hole where it will accelerate close to the speed
of light
6. Place it inside a small time machine, so that its time continuum is
faster than ours
7. Take your vista and install it on the computer from the crashed Roswell
UFO that is a trillion trillion teraflops,
it will probably slow it to a crawl, but the dead aliens wont care much.
8. Freeze all humanity in hypothermic stasis using cryogenics until vista
finished loading a program, then when its finished, thaw them. Vista will
not really be faster, but at least you wont die waiting for it.
9. Kill yourself and let your ghost use vista, as a ghost time has no
meaning,
10. Collide vista that is made of matter with anti-vista that is made from
antimatter. The result will be an explosion were all matter is converted
to pure energy in the form of gamma rays traveling at the speed of light.
11. Place Vista on top of a Tesla coil and step up the voltage to 100
million volts. An electrical surge of all the static electricity in the
stratosphere will surge through it and send it to the 5th dimension
creating a teleporting effect similar to the one in the Philadelphia
experiment. 12. Install XP and make it into a fake vista with themes and
wallpapers... it will be 100% faster than the real horrid thing.

-thank you

Install Vista on IBM's new Power6 processor, the fastest processor in the
world. Ooops, sorry. Linux will install on it, not Vista.

Love and Kisses,
Doris

--
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