A quandry

[cirianz]

Now this is a problem.

Last week I had a grande mal seizure (for those who don't know, I'm epileptic)
& made a real mess of myself. I have these seizures about every 2 months & usually it results in nothing more than a few bumps & bruises. but this time I made a real mess of myself.
Lots of blood & I look rather like I've been a round in the ring with Mike Tyson. It's healing now, nothing really wrong except a rather persistant concussion (hence my general absence here) &, now that the swelling's gone down, I've found that my right eye isn't quite keeping up with my left & my vision is hard to focus seperately as well. I broke my glasses & got some glass in that eye so I expect that the focusing trouble will fix itself over time, but I'm a bit worried about the trouble with getting them to focus together... not a good look for an artist. I hope that sorts itself out.
Asides from that though, it's just messy & annoying, but it's raised some interesting points. Especially in combination with my nearly drowning due to a seizure on our honeymoon.

This is the first time I've actually stayed at home because the injuries looked so bad.
And I hated it too, feeling imprisoned, as if I had something to be ashamed of.
But, unfortunately, if I do go out, it won't be me that has to wear the sideways looks, & the scorn.
But even so, most of our neighbours see me out & about with various bruises on a reasonably often basis.
If something happens to me & I die as a result of a seizure, the conclusion is going to seem pretty obvious to most of them.
I have insurance too. Not much, just enough to see me disposed of, the lawyers paid, & a bit of cash towards my kids education etc. As you can guess, not many insurance companies like to insure epileptics. But it is only accident insurance, & if I die because of an accident resulting from a seizure then there is no question that the lawyer would have to fight the insurance company for the money.

So, I spent yesturday on the phone to my Lawyer. making sure that he's aware of the situation, knows who my medical specialists are & where my medical records are held. With instructions to fight for John & my Kids insurance. And also, to hire a really GOOD criminal Lawyer for John if need be.
Since, given that, unless it happens in public, there's no way to prove that a seizure ever took place.
Hands up everyone who thinks there wouldn't be an investigation!

The chances of me dying as the result of an accident caused by a seizure are miniscule. Nowhere near as high as the chances of me dying in a car accident or the like. But it has nearly happened three times now (No, not last week, that was messy, but no long term injuries, so long as this eye sorts itself out anyhow)
So how do I protect my family from the consequences if it does happen?

 

[Alf]

...gloomy...
i have a friend who is epileptic, but she dont seem to be nearly as bad as you... i dont know how you manage, unfourtunatly im not one to consult on the legal side of things. Hope you find help

 

[cirianz]

Thanks Alf

 

[PotGuy]

Wow. Glad to hear you are getting better at least

Must be really unsettling having problems like that with your vision. Must make you feel a bit helpless

My mum's friend is epileptic and a good few years ago now he had a huge seizure at Watford FC on a boiling hot day on an open day, fell down a flight of concrete stairs and whacked his mouth into the steel rail at the bottom. Lost 4 teeth and had a fractured skull. Horrendous.

Sincerely hope you are all better soon

 

[Abarbarian]

Surley your doctor has it on record that you have epilectic fits and gives you medication for them . Don't know a great deal about the condition . Can offer a big hug is all .

 

[cirianz]

Thanks PG The 'lazy eye' thing is driving me a bit potty, but then that's nothing new lol.

Over the years I've had a few adventures with this & it's certainly a pain.
Was worst when i couldn't just hold my boy when he was a baby
I was having seizures 2-3 times a week then.

But I've never really had to worry about the chance that someone I love could get charged with my murder if I die because of an accident caused by a seizure.
I really don't know how I can protect my family from that.
it's stupid, but I'm at a total loss here

 

[cirianz]

Thanks AB
Yes, It's all on record.
But it can't be proved that I've had a seizure at the time.
In the end I suspect that it will depend on how good the lawyer is
& if the injuries are consistant with an attack.
This time three seperate nurses at the hospital thought I'd been beaten.
If I'd drowned when we were on our honeymoon...
with no witnesses...

 

[floppybootstomp]

Cirianz, gotta admit that most times you post, I gotta laugh.

Hey, tell John you should have a badge labelled 'Accident on 2 legs waiting to happen'

I don't know about the legal side of this thing, all I know is you should be honest cos your GP will have a revcord of your Health status.

Not a lotta help I know, but just my POV on this thing.

And gal, please take care of yourself

And on a side note, I keep collecting credit cards, and considering I'm living in a Council Flat, have been through the cancer crap and have no assets whatsoever, I think it's dead funny I keep getting 'em

I have ten now, totalling £30K credit, but the only one I take seriously is Barclaycard.

If I die, I will have had one over on the lot of them

I honestly, at this stage of life and considering everything, don't care

Once, I was actually quite well off, then - we split

 

[cirianz]

I'm thinking I should probably cancel my insurance.
But, in this day & age just burying me could bankrupt my family.
& I do want to leave something for my children's education.
That ain't cheap these days

 

[cirianz]

Cirianz, gotta admit that most times you post, I gotta laugh.

Hey, tell John you should have a badge labelled 'Accident on 2 legs waiting to happen'

I don't know about the legal side of this thing, all I know is you should be honest cos your GP will have a revcord of your Health status.

Not a lotta help I know, but just my POV on this thing.

And gal, please take care of yourself

And on a side note, I keep collecting credit cards, and considering I'm living in a Council Flat, have been through the cancer crap and have no asset whatsoever, I think it'd dead funny I keep getting 'em

I have ten now, totalling £30K credit, but the only one I take seriously is Barclayvard.

If I die, I will have had one over on the lot of them

I honestly, at this stage of life and considering everything, don't care

Thanks Flops I needed a laugh

Unfortunately this time i was just in the kitchen trying to figure out what to cook for tea...
I just hit the bench on the way down.
Sheared the side right off my glasses! Total clean cut! pretty impressive I thought

I try not to do too many stupid things...
Like going swiming on my honeymoon for example
but asides from that it's all just lottery.
I should tell you some of my stories some day... you would p*ss yourself laughing
They really are pretty hilarious.
& I do do some pretty silly things when I'm out of it after a seizure too.

I got used to knowing I could die anytime a long time ago, back when my seizures were totally uncontrolled & very frequent.
It wasn't even about self pity or anything. Just fact-of-life stuff. I know that'll make sense to some of the people here, though it might seem weird to others.
Twice now I've owed my life to another person. & that's a weird feeling.
I had things set up then. To make sure the kids were taken care of etc.
But it's been a few years now since they've had the seizures down to about 6 a year.
& I've gotten used to thinking in the long term again

& back then there was no one who might end up taking the blame if I did die.

That scares me in a way my seizures haven't for a long time.

Gotta get one of them badges!

 

[Taffycat]

I'm so sorry to hear that you have been so badly "in the wars" Ciri, and hope your injuries - particularly your eye, will heal quickly - and completely.

It's sometimes not helpful when nurses reach the wrong conclusions about a patient with bruises........but on the other hand, at least it probably gives some unfortunate people, an opportunity to admit to being in an abusive relationship. However, they are bound to be aware that injuries happen "innocently" too, so try not to feel too badly about them checking.

Regarding the insurance - from what you have said, you are providing for your children and funeral expenses, which sounds entirely practical. The sort of thing that any mother - or father - would wish to do for their loved ones.

I can see the way your thoughts are taking you, but the people who know you and John, will know that you have a good relationship, which is loving and not abusive. They will also know about your grand mal seizures and probably also know that you injure yourself quite badly from time to time...?

Try keeping a hand-written diary, so that there would be a written "record" in your own hand, of your feelings and day to day events. It's one way of having "the last word" well, sort-of anyway. Make sure you include a referral to this website, where there will be an archive of your posts, which make happy, sometimes zany, but always very entertaining reading.

You don't come across here as being in any way "battered" Ciri, and somehow I think this will come across to others too. Even your children will be capable of testifying how happy you and John are together, don't you think?

Hope you will feel much better very soon Ciri

 

[crazylegs]

So sad to hear of your seizures Ciri and hope you heal quickly..

Can't help you with the other thing though, but it must be bloody scary never knowing where you might wake up...(I went through that phase a few years ago but we won't talk about that here.. )

You take it easy Girl...

 

[cirianz]

Thanks Taffy & CL
Bumps etc are healing fine, hopfully the eye won't take too much longer

Unfortunately part of what I'm worried about is that John & my children might end up being dragged up 'on the stand' in such a fashion. Especially since I remember what they did with what I said after the car accident.
They took my injuries & my words (which included me stating that it was only because of John's driving skills that we were still alive) & twisted them beyond any credible belief, then used them to charge John with dangerous driving endangering life.
It was appalling. I would hate to have someone do that to my children.
And I don't trust the police & the 'system' not to do it.

As for battered? No, I'm afraid I just don't have the personality for it. Put up with enough rubbish when I was a kid. The one person who tried, about 20 years ago now, would've had considerable reproductive difficulties for quite a while after I expect
The thing that horrified me the most was that his wife & his kids all came to me afterwards. They couldn't believe that I'd fought back. Turned out he'd been hitting them for years & none of them had ever dared.
They didn't even know how & all I did was block & kick. Nothing complex.
She left him a year later though, so maybe it did some good.


The trouble with this situation is that I just, simply, can't think of what to do.
Only thing I can come up with is to leave a sworn & witnessed statement with the Lawyer.
It can only cover up until that time of course. But it should mean something.
& if John doesn't know that it's there then it can't've been done 'under duress'.
It's the best I can think of so far.

 

[muckshifter]

ouch!


You is worrying and getting yourself overly anxious ... do something about it.

The "badge" idea ain't that silly, maybe it's not a badge you need but a leaflet ... you have a PC & a printer.

Make your "condition" known to your community. Start a wee campaign and let people you come in contact with regularly, know that you suffer from Epilepsy. The shops you frequent, ask to see the managers, go prepared with information, go and see the local police also.

You are no threat to the people around you, but those same people need to know what to do if they find you having a seizure ... involve your local religious groups, they are one of the fastest ways of getting information like this out in the community.

You can't be the only person in your area who is Epileptic ... is there any local groups already established.

Go on the offencive, the best form of defence, is attack.

People are very quick to judge others, "rumours" soon escalate into overblown exagerations of the facts.


FIGHT BACK!!


We don't bury our friends too quickly around here ... get back on your feet, round two is about to start.

 

[michael 118]

I'm sorry to hear how bad you injure yourself ciri!
Hang on in there
You always have the support of your family, John and your lovely kids are always there for you .
Best of luck with the legalities, I would offer advice but I don't know anything about courts and lawyers .

 

[nivrip]

But I've never really had to worry about the chance that someone I love could get charged with my murder if I die because of an accident caused by a seizure.
I really don't know how I can protect my family from that.
it's stupid, but I'm at a total loss here

Hi Cirianz,
I've read, with great interest, your story and am very sorry to hear that you have suffered with recurrent seizures despite your medication. I have had a lot to do with epileptics over the years and, although I have never had a fit, I know that the condition causes both physical and mental traumas of the most severe kind. It is, therefore, no surprise that you feel as you do.
However, I feel that you are being a little over pessimistic when it comes to worrying about someone being charged with your murder.The most important thing here is that your own doctor, and,I assume the hospital, have extensive and accurate records of your condition. If anything horrendous did happen, and I think it very unlikely, then your medical records would go 99.999% towards answering any questions. You do not need to protect your family from the worries of a murder investigation - the protection comes from your medical records.
Anyway, you are going to be OK and I hope you soon recover from your recent injuries. You should think about getting some shatterproof glasses even if they turn out to be a little expensive.
Hope this makes you feel just a little bit better.

Look after yourself,
nivrip

 

[cirianz]

Thank you mucks, michael & nivrip
I expect that I am over reacting here,
I have had many injuries over the years, many much worse than these,
& even just turning up with black eyes & the like is pretty common for me around here.
I think it was the fact that this time the injuries did look so excatly like I had been struck that was the problem.
could even trace the blows,

Right eye
nose
right cheek
right Jaw-upper lip

luckily nothing broken & it's all healing nicely so don't worry about that
But anyone here who's ever spent a rowdy night down the pub, has probably seen almost the exact same pattern of injuries somewhere the next morning (on the other guy of course )
&, unfortunately, while my medical records can speak in general terms, they cannot prove anything about any particular instance.
If I had drowned in that lake on our honeymoon
There would've been nothing to indicate that I had had a seizure.

& even now our police force are trying to put David Bain back in prison
even after he's just been released with an
Öoooops, sorry... did we accidentally 'misrepresent' evididence that wasn't wholely accurate & thereby steal a decade from your life?

& I can think of a few more
I'm sure you can to.

& after I broke my back in the car accident the police went after John
really, seriously went after him.
& the charges they laid weren't minor (there are a scale of dangerous driving charges)
& even one of the other police officers we dealt with said it was ridiculous
& that the officer in charge of our case had literally had the hard word put on him by his superiors to get a conviction or else.
And what they did with what i said when they interviewed me in hospital was litterally unbelievable.
I would never have believed they could do that, let alone get away with it.
Most coppers are just people doing their job.
& this guy didn't even have a bad rep
But, he'd been told & his career was on the line.
& he chose his career.
& what it put me & John through, when we were already trying to deal with the accident itself & it's consequences.
was just appalling.

And if I do die violently... are you absolutely sure that you wouldn't wonder?
even knowing about my epilepsy?
Are you sure it wouldn't occur to you that that would make a perfect cover?
I know John wouldn't do that
But, how can you know that I was right?

I would like to believe that everything will be hunky-dory
That the 'witch-hunt' for someone to blame only happens on TV
But I have seen it in real life
When there were 30 witnesses,
& 2 of the 3 perpetrators confessed in sworn statements
But someone else went to prison.
& maybe I'm being cynical,
But I'm still going to cover John's a*se the best I can, just incase it doesn't

 

[floppybootstomp]

I'm sorry, but it's bloody obvious John is a homicidal maniac and has thus far been unlucky in his attempts to dispatch you

Next time, he may get lucky

Hahahahahahahhaha... six feet under or ashes?

Don't forget to sign the will

Hey gal, don't think bad of me, you (hopefully) know I'm joking, in a different kind of way I've been close to death myself

But - who gives a ****?

 

[cirianz]

rofl

Thanks Flops

Remind me to tell you some of my stories one day

you're one of the few people who'd laugh not cringe

& some of them really are pmsl stuff

 

[Anon_F]

Hi cirianz, sorry to hear you have been unwell.

Don’t listen to what others say, those of us who are eccentric are life’s chosen ones!
And remember that your a special lady too.
All the best.