The Latest Microsoft News


S

Spanky deMonkey

REDMOND, Wash. - Aug. 13, 2007 -- In direct response to accusations made by
the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will
be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an
undisclosed sum.

"It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", said Microsoft
chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positive arrangement for
everyone".

Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the White
House with U.S. President George Bush, and assured members of the press that
changes will be "minimal". The United States will be managed as a wholly
owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is planned for July
of next year, and the federal government is expected to be profitable by "Q4
2013 at latest", according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer.

In a related announcement, George Bush stated that he had "willingly and
enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president with Microsoft,
and will continue to manage the United States government, reporting directly
to Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the mantle of executive
authority to Gates, Bush smiled and referred to it as "a relief". He went on
to say that Gates has a "proven track record", and that U.S. citizens should
offer Gates their "full support and confidence". Bush will reportedly be
earning several times the $400,000 annually he has earned as U.S. president,
in his new role at Microsoft.

Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond as
"silly", though did say that he would make executive decisions for the U.S.
government from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters.
Gates went on to say that the House and Senate would "of course" be
abolished. "Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed, "and look how well
we're doing".

When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was proceeding,
Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking place".

Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that United
States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in government
services and discounts on all Microsoft products.

About Microsoft

Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide leader in
software for personal computers, and democratic government. The company
offers a wide range of products and services for public, business and
personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and more
enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of personal
computing and free society every day.

About the United States

Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successful nation
in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy and
opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C., the
United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation.

"The United States of America" and "Microsoft" are registered trademarks of
Microsoft Corporation.
 
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M

Mike

Spanky deMonkey said:
REDMOND, Wash. - Aug. 13, 2007 -- In direct response to accusations made by
the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will
be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an
undisclosed sum.

Seriously, you need some new material. This stuff is all at least 10
years old.

Mike
 
S

Spanky deMonkey

I had a few minutes to kill. I regurgitated some old crap and here we go
again.
 
A

Adam Albright

W

Wayne M. Poe

Mike said:
Seriously, you need some new material. This stuff is all at least 10
years old.

Mike, why the hell do you keep replying to his posts if they are so
stupid? You're not suposed to feed trolls; you're giving him exactly
what he's craving ffs.
 
R

Richard Urban

Are you bored now that Kevin is no longer with us?

--


Regards,

Richard Urban
Microsoft MVP Windows Shell/User
(For email, remove the obvious from my address)
 
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S

Steve K.

Adam said:
There's no bigger idiot here then YOU Frankie numbnuts.

Please stop replying to useless idiots like Frank so those of us that
have him killfiled don't needlessly see his text in replies.

-saran
 
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F

Frank

Steve said:
Please stop replying to useless idiots like Frank so those of us that
have him killfiled don't needlessly see his text in replies.

-saran
Go screw yourself steve, aka saran!
Frank
 
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