Joke Competition

Who's the winner?

  • Rush

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Frodo

    Votes: 1 5.3%
  • Itsme

    Votes: 2 10.5%
  • Ian

    Votes: 3 15.8%
  • Bohdi

    Votes: 1 5.3%
  • Chris

    Votes: 2 10.5%
  • Quad

    Votes: 4 21.1%
  • Bex

    Votes: 1 5.3%
  • Feckit

    Votes: 3 15.8%
  • Crazylegs

    Votes: 2 10.5%

  • Total voters
    19

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Rush

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With it being Fools Day Saturday..we thought here at PCReview we would have a little Competition to see who has the Best sense of humour...

Enter your 1 Clean joke here and lets see who is Top Dog for the weekend...
Remember you can only post 1 and it has to be clean ..then we will have a poll to see the winner .

Good Luck :)
 
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Rush

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Here goes....

A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary hospital. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, " I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The Vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returning moments later with a beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet then led the dog out, but returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the ex-bird. The cat sat back, shook it's head, meowed and left the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, " I'm terribly sorry, but like I said, your parrot is most definitely, 100%, certifiably dead."

He then turned to his computer, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill.

"£150.! " she cried. "£150. just to tell me that my bird is dead?!"

The vet shrugged, "If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would only have been £20. But with the Lab report and the Cat Scan...what did you expect?



:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
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There were some people who liked computers,one day they placed an order for a nice new machine with Mesh.
 

Rush

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By Murdoch



I'm thinking of one but i only know rude/naughty ones:D
now why doesn`t that surprise me :)
 
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Two Welsh building labourers had a new building site to go to in Africa, on route they where flying over the Sahara desert, one said to the other Oh! I don’t fancy this, why came the reply, looking at the amount of sand I hate to think of having to carrying the cement when it arrives.
 

Ian

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This bloke is working on the buses collecting tickets. He rings the bell for
the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus.

The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed.

At the trial the bloke is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's
sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair
and the executioner grants him a final wish.

"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?"
"Yes" answers the executioner.
"Can I have that green banana?"
The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it.

When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of
thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still
alive.
The executioner can't believe it.

"Can I go?" the man asks.
"I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never happened before."

The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets.

Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on.
A man falls under the wheels and is killed.

The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair.

The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to
the electric supply for the whole of Texas. The bloke is again sat in the
chair.

"What is your final wish?" asks the executioner.
"Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?" says the condemned man.
The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana.

The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch.

Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas.
When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the chair.
The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.

Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses.
Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this time
killing three of them.

He is sent to the electric chair again.

The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to the chair,
determined to get his man this time.
The man sits down in the chair smiling.

"What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner.
"Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?"
The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included.

The executioner pulls the handle and a zillion million trillion volts go
through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive
without even a burn mark.

"I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you can still be
alive after all that?".

He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it" he
asked.

"Nahh" said the bloke,

"I'm just a really bad conductor"
 
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A man walks into the doctors surgery and says "doctor, i think im a moth". The doctor thinks for a second and says "to be honest sir, i think you need to see a psychiatrist, there is one a few doors further down the street". The man says "I know, thats where i was heading, but i saw your light on".

:)
 
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I think i told this one already...

A man goes into hospital, just been in a terrible car accident, screaming AAARRRGHH I CANT FEEL MY LEGS!!! DOCTOR!!!

The doctor replies "Yeah, i know, we had to cut off your arms"
 

Rush

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Ok then if its ok with Ian ..we will close this thread at 10pm tonight then have the poll 2moz ...get them in quick ..
Thanks
 

Quadophile

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Peeping Tom


A girl lived on the 4th floor of an apartment, and even though it was a fairly good neighborhood, she has been having trouble with a Peeping Tom that lived next door. :(

Every time she went out on her balcony to catch a bit of sun while wearing her bikini, this Peeping Tom would look over from his balcony and stare at her. :mad:

She had complained to the superintendent about this Peeping Tom, but he said she must have positive proof before he can do anything. :confused:

She FINALLY got a picture of him while he was staring at her. :cool:


 

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Ian

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Whoops sorry Rush, didn't close the thread at 10PM. Do you want to let it run till tonight to get a few more entries in, then we'll close it?
 

muckshifter

I'm not weird, I'm a limited edition.
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Ian Cunningham said:
Whoops sorry Rush, didn't close the thread at 10PM. Do you want to let it run till tonight to get a few more entries in, then we'll close it?
It is Sunday ... Sunday is still the weekend ... close it later.

:p
 

Becky

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For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want."

And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.

Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll **** on its head."


 
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A joke

A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"

A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I
want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says".
The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?"
The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage,
a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all of it."

The teacher fainted.
 

crazylegs

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You may or may not have heard this one before but for the benefit of all that haven't

This particular story is self explanatory and never fails to make me cry with laughter, but you have to try to imagine the scenario to achieve the full effect....

Any way, here's the extract from the Insurance form:

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information for your Insurance forms..... In block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put "trying to do the job alone" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient:

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which, fortunately, was attached to the side of the building, at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh 135 pounds.

Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and broken collar bone.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately fifty pounds.

I refer you again to my weight in the block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations of my legs and lower body.

The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks and, fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel six stories above me....I again lost my presence of mind....

I let go of the rope.................

 
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