IRR of McDonalds expansion plan


Abraham A

McDonalds is planning to open it's outlets in various neighborhoods (hoods)of welfare Queens and Kings county, New York following the official decreeby Federal government that mandates "Free services for all Americans" regardless of color, race, creed, religion, sexual orientation and county of origin (not country of origin ). McDonalds like many other businesses across the U.S. has no option but to follow the instructions of Uncle Sam Jefferson Clinton or else face the wrath of Chaka Khan. The mayor of Toronto had inpast endorsed similar social programs that allowed him to hold the glass pipe and light up the free base at the City Hall but all such allegations sound like a smear campaign by the opposition that wanted a mayor that is a mirror image of the American President. People in such neighborhoods are armed with uzis and automatic rifles thus the upper management of McDonalds has requested the Defense department to provide drones that will ensure the safety of the American work force. That has led to a backlash by the ACLU - American civil liberties union that has been inundated with scores of complaints from the Pakistani relatives of the victims of the drone attacks. This news caused mass selling of McDonalds stock by the nervous and jittery investors who fear the loss of income since McDonalds now must pay damages tothe relatives of those affected by the drone attacks. No one at McDonalds would have thought that ensuring security of the American people will turn into a nightmare on Elm street. Freddy was last caught on CCTV leaving the McDonalds outlet in eastern part of Coney Island best known as the "Little Pakistan".

But all such fears were put to rest once the finance department presented its investment evaluation report to the board of directors that stated that benefits from this investment outweigh the costs and risks. The report stated that by the turn of the century most undocumented aliens would have assimilated into the fabric of American society and there will be no wars. And American people will be at ease dining at McDonalds in inner city neighborhoods of Queens and Brooklyn counties of New York. And after having a heartymeal they all would have made love with each other at the end of March andby the Christmas eve of the same year, the U.S. population would be doubled. This would confirm the findings of the physicians that the payback period of such an investment is indeed 9 months. The historians will refer to this generation of Americans as the "Baby Boomerangs" a twist on the popular saying that "What goes around comes around".

This report brought a sigh of relief for McDonalds board of directors who at one point saw "No Way Out" of this Abyss. The management commended the work of the CFO and as a token of appreciation voted unanimously to extend his contract for another 4 years at the White House thus making him the firstPresident in U.S. history to hold the high office for two consecutive terms. This happened amid the chaos in Middle East that witnessed the "Arab Spring" that broke the pendulum of tyrants resulting in freeing of the slaves upon signing of the Emancipation proclamation. But civil war broke out in the neighboring Syria where the Americans found themselves playing a cat andmouse game with the Russians and Chinese whose interests are in direct conflict with the amendment in the U.S. constitution that safe guards life, liberty and pursuit of happiness at the expense of other nations.

Joy and happiness was the mood witnesses at the closing of 112th annual meeting of McDonalds board of directors who just received bonuses as a reward for bringing the company out of quick sands of Iraq where the U.S. forces were found scratching their heads once it was confirmed that no weapons of mass destruction were found even after strip searching the camels parked at the Al-Rasheed hotel in Baghdad.

Once the McDonalds saga was over, the reporters and journalists from TV andprint media waiting outside the McDonalds head quarters asked the departing CFO as to how he was able to analyze such an investment with risks of themagnitude not seen since the "Cuban missile crisis"? The CFO of McDonalds showed a smirk of his face at said:

"Finding internal rate of return for this project was made possible by using tadIRR function that is one of the many financial functions found in tadXL v3.0 add-in for Excel 2007, 2010 and 2013."

tadXL v3.0

The word spread like jungle fire and CFOs and CEOs of corporations across the American continent were seen rushing to order the tadXL v3.0 add-in evenbefore the product was released to the market.

And they all lived happily ever after.



Robert Miller

The word spread like jungle fire and CFOs and CEOs of corporations across the American continent were seen rushing to order the tadXL v3.0 add-in even before the product was released to the market.

And they all lived happily ever after.


They came in last night and stormed the office, they were looking for you. Mike put up resistance and they gunned him down. I escaped from the fire exit

Abe, I thought you learned your lesson in 1992 but it seems like you made them angry once more.

Sorry, Abe there is no one left at the office, I suggest you either take the exit wound or let them have it



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