- Joined
- Mar 5, 2004
- Messages
- 1,736
- Reaction score
- 123
REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building and
improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The
grasshopper
thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come
winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper
has no
food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END
THE BRITISH VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a
fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter,
the
squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press
conference
and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and
well
fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and
starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering
grasshopper; with
cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a
table
laden with food.
The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a
country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so
while
others have plenty.
The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper
Council of
GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC,
interrupting a
cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news,
broadcasts a
multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".
Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the
squirrel
has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an
immediate
tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and
increases the
charge for squirrels to enter inner London.
In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
Economic
Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the
beginning
of the summer. The squirrels' taxes are reassessed. He is taken to
court
and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work
he was
doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told
the court
the grasshopper did not want to work.
The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to
furnish
it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially
mobile. The squirrels food is seized and re distributed to the more
needy
members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly
imposed
retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a
new
home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as
a
temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to
get to
Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On
arrival
they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love
of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking
and
attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police fed
them
pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then
return
them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they
would
face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain
money
from peoples credit cards.
A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the
squirrels' food, though Spring is still months away, while the
council
house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to
maintain
the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government
funding is
blamed for the grasshoppers drug 'illness'.
The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment
since
arrival in UK.
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a
burglary to
get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released
immediately
because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the
care of
the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few
weeks he
has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and
state the
obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug
rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers
representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are
praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural
diversity
and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the
cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the
press
blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root
causes of
despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of
prison.
They call for the resignation of a minister.
The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were
infringed
when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the
United
Kingdom.
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing,
the
burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on
their
credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for
law and
order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because
of a
shortfall in government funds.
THE END
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building and
improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The
grasshopper
thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come
winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper
has no
food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END
THE BRITISH VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a
fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter,
the
squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press
conference
and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and
well
fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and
starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering
grasshopper; with
cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a
table
laden with food.
The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a
country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so
while
others have plenty.
The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper
Council of
GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC,
interrupting a
cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news,
broadcasts a
multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".
Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the
squirrel
has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an
immediate
tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and
increases the
charge for squirrels to enter inner London.
In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
Economic
Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the
beginning
of the summer. The squirrels' taxes are reassessed. He is taken to
court
and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work
he was
doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told
the court
the grasshopper did not want to work.
The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to
furnish
it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially
mobile. The squirrels food is seized and re distributed to the more
needy
members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly
imposed
retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a
new
home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as
a
temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to
get to
Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On
arrival
they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love
of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking
and
attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police fed
them
pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then
return
them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they
would
face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain
money
from peoples credit cards.
A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the
squirrels' food, though Spring is still months away, while the
council
house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to
maintain
the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government
funding is
blamed for the grasshoppers drug 'illness'.
The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment
since
arrival in UK.
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a
burglary to
get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released
immediately
because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the
care of
the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few
weeks he
has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and
state the
obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug
rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers
representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are
praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural
diversity
and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the
cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the
press
blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root
causes of
despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of
prison.
They call for the resignation of a minister.
The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were
infringed
when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the
United
Kingdom.
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing,
the
burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on
their
credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for
law and
order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because
of a
shortfall in government funds.
THE END
