How To Create a new Operating System in 3 Easy Steps


J

Jon

The first thing to say about this is that it's alot easier than you may
think. Here are the 3 basic steps.


1 Remove some features from an existing OS
2 Add some new features
3 Get some customers


Ok, to illustrate, we'll start with Vista as our base (although similar
principles could in theory be applied to any OS).

STEP 1. Remove some features

Right, so Vista was fat and overweight and nasty people laughed at her
waddling obesely along the street. So could you perhaps slim her down, speed
her up and make people generally like her?

Yes, it's possible. Take out Movie Maker, Windows Calendar, Windows Photo
Gallery,.. and make them separate downloads. You then have an instant
performance gain (until of course they are re-added, but no need to mention
that). This has another advantage of making it appear that you've spent a
few years fine-tuning performance features, when really it's easily done in
about half an hour.

STEP 2. Add some new features

Well we're gonna need at least one new feature, but no need to do a lot
here. A new taskbar will be sufficient, given the remarkable performance
gains obtained via step 1. Throw in a few new desktop backgrounds too, if
you like, for those really hard-to-please customers.


STEP 3. Customers

Ok, and now for the final, and arguably most important, stage; customers.
Marketing.

We've got performance gain, we've got new features, but we still need target
customers. Otherwise all our vast efforts will have been in vain.

Right, now Vista users could be tricky, since they may well spot the
similaritities with the existing OS, but what about all those XP-lubbers;
those who figured waiting and skipping Vista as their best option? Perhaps
we could get those to switch to our new OS?

Indeed. And Fear is the key.

Pick a feature of XP that's not in the new OS (any old feature will do) and
start a vulnerability scare surrounding that feature. Blame it on some
obscure Russian hacker or Ukrainian botnet if you like, which always tends
to add a bit of pseudo-credibility to the tale.

Then preferably team up with a media outlet, or two, to emblazen the scare
further; many currently pay good rates for any stories designed to scare the
wits out of the general populace. In no time at all you'll have the
panic-stricken crowds running to your new OS.

And you're done. A new OS in 3 easy steps. Enjoy.
 
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J

Jon

What do you mean New OS?????

Windows7 is the final product... whoever was using vista was in reality
using a beta codenamed vista, and paying for it!

Thats explains all the bugs and horrible performance.


Possibly. In which case, when they said the 'Wow starts now' perhaps what
they really meant was one long persistent echoing 'Wow', reverberating and
bouncing among the mountain tops, growing louder and louder until the 'W'
finally formed the start of Windows 7. A poetic thought at least.

Just so long as the 'Wow starts now' doesn't become the 'Fear starts here',
then I'm happy.
 
B

+Bob+

The first thing to say about this is that it's alot easier than you may
think. Here are the 3 basic steps.


1 Remove some features from an existing OS
2 Add some new features
3 Get some customers

I think your algorithm could be applied retroactively to Vista over
XP, but you left out a few important sub items:

As part of item 1, claim that you've improved the user interface by
eliminating useless little bits that only confused users, despite the
fact that many users were fond of them.

As part of item 2, create new convoluted features (e.g. Vista Search)
that are absolutely horrible to use, but make it look like you were
thinking of "something" when designing it (God knows what). In order
to create the illusion of _many_ new features, rearrange the user
interface.

As part of item 3, strong arm the computer manufacturers into only
selling the new OS by intimidation. Stay just shy of the law as the EU
is now an issue in this area.
 
J

Jon

I think your algorithm could be applied retroactively to Vista over
XP, but you left out a few important sub items:

As part of item 1, claim that you've improved the user interface by
eliminating useless little bits that only confused users, despite the
fact that many users were fond of them.

As part of item 2, create new convoluted features (e.g. Vista Search)
that are absolutely horrible to use, but make it look like you were
thinking of "something" when designing it (God knows what). In order
to create the illusion of _many_ new features, rearrange the user
interface.

As part of item 3, strong arm the computer manufacturers into only
selling the new OS by intimidation. Stay just shy of the law as the EU
is now an issue in this area.



Thanks for the additional tips Bob.

Yep, them there EU boys and girls. Gotta love 'em. Ever enforcing new laws,
which were rubber-stamped by an MEP without being read.

Which incidentally reminds me. Voting tomorrow ......
 
B

+Bob+

Thanks for the additional tips Bob.

Yep, them there EU boys and girls. Gotta love 'em. Ever enforcing new laws,
which were rubber-stamped by an MEP without being read.

Which incidentally reminds me. Voting tomorrow ......

Hey, with the lack of any anti-trust enforcement in the USA in the
last eight years at all, the EU is all we have to fight massive
monopolistic forces. Here we reverted to the 1880's with the Robber
Barons building their multi-billion dollar empires larger and larger
with no restrictions whatsoever. It was nice for them while it lasted,
but it did crash most of the world's economies. Whoops. No matter, as
long as the Robber Barons profited.
 
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F

Frank-FL

Jon said:
The first thing to say about this is that it's alot easier than
you may think. Here are the 3 basic steps.


1 Remove some features from an existing OS
2 Add some new features
3 Get some customers


Ok, to illustrate, we'll start with Vista as our base (although
similar principles could in theory be applied to any OS).

STEP 1. Remove some features

Right, so Vista was fat and overweight and nasty people laughed at
her waddling obesely along the street. So could you perhaps slim
her down, speed her up and make people generally like her?

Yes, it's possible. Take out Movie Maker, Windows Calendar,
Windows Photo Gallery,.. and make them separate downloads. You
then have an instant performance gain (until of course they are
re-added, but no need to mention that). This has another advantage
of making it appear that you've spent a few years fine-tuning
performance features, when really it's easily done in about half
an hour.

STEP 2. Add some new features

Well we're gonna need at least one new feature, but no need to do
a lot here. A new taskbar will be sufficient, given the remarkable
performance gains obtained via step 1. Throw in a few new desktop
backgrounds too, if you like, for those really hard-to-please
customers.


STEP 3. Customers

Ok, and now for the final, and arguably most important, stage;
customers. Marketing.

We've got performance gain, we've got new features, but we still
need target customers. Otherwise all our vast efforts will have
been in vain.

Right, now Vista users could be tricky, since they may well spot
the similaritities with the existing OS, but what about all those
XP-lubbers; those who figured waiting and skipping Vista as their
best option? Perhaps we could get those to switch to our new OS?

Indeed. And Fear is the key.

Pick a feature of XP that's not in the new OS (any old feature
will do) and start a vulnerability scare surrounding that feature.
Blame it on some obscure Russian hacker or Ukrainian botnet if you
like, which always tends to add a bit of pseudo-credibility to the
tale.

Then preferably team up with a media outlet, or two, to emblazen
the scare further; many currently pay good rates for any stories
designed to scare the wits out of the general populace. In no time
at all you'll have the panic-stricken crowds running to your new
OS.

And you're done. A new OS in 3 easy steps. Enjoy.

They even @#$ked up FreeCell in the process.
 
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