nivrip
Yorkshire Cruncher
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2007
- Messages
- 10,888
- Reaction score
- 2,138
SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows; you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some
milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some
milk.
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks
the other, and then throws the milk away...
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to
take harmonica lessons
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a
bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and
retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force
the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a
consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a
riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they
are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times
the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called
'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they
live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where
they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn
you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting
cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine
productivity, and execute the newsman who reported the real
situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell
them that you have one. No-one believes you, so they bomb you and
invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are
part of a Democracy....
WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very
attractive.
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty
good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The Government says you
have to buy a licence to milk them, but first you have to do a risk
assessment, which only the government Quango is allowed to carry out.
They charge you 5 times the cost of doing it. They find that the
three legged stool is a risk under health and safety. You have to buy
the EC approved 5 legged stool that is designed to support a milk
maid of up to 250 kilos. It is too heavy to carry. The stool exceeds
EC weight lifting limits for workers by 4 kilos, which just happens
to be the weight of the fifth leg. To shift the stool from one cow to
the other you therefore need a special (EC approved) trolley.
The new stool and trolley are so expensive that you have to mortgage one of
the cows to pay for them and pay for the mandatory training course
that you must take to get your licence to milk the cows. You sell your
milk to the supermarket chain which pays you next to nothing for it,
and then they sell it to their customers for four times what they
paid you. Then they release a press statement about how wonderful
they are to support British Cows.
The rest of the world thinks your cows are mad but you, and your cows, know that it is not true and,anyway, the rest of the world have no intention of identifying and
counting their mad cows, so people in other countries don't know their
cows are really, really barmy do they. You sell your cows to a Polish
migrant worker and your farm to a Russian 'investment bank' and then
you leave to buy a villa by the sea in a country where it is sunny
and the cost of milk is a tenth the cost of milk at home. They don't
have a National Health Service.......but you are so happy and relaxed
your health improves and you live to be a hundred.
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some
milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some
milk.
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks
the other, and then throws the milk away...
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to
take harmonica lessons
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a
bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and
retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force
the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a
consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a
riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they
are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times
the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called
'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they
live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where
they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn
you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting
cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine
productivity, and execute the newsman who reported the real
situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell
them that you have one. No-one believes you, so they bomb you and
invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are
part of a Democracy....
WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very
attractive.
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty
good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The Government says you
have to buy a licence to milk them, but first you have to do a risk
assessment, which only the government Quango is allowed to carry out.
They charge you 5 times the cost of doing it. They find that the
three legged stool is a risk under health and safety. You have to buy
the EC approved 5 legged stool that is designed to support a milk
maid of up to 250 kilos. It is too heavy to carry. The stool exceeds
EC weight lifting limits for workers by 4 kilos, which just happens
to be the weight of the fifth leg. To shift the stool from one cow to
the other you therefore need a special (EC approved) trolley.
The new stool and trolley are so expensive that you have to mortgage one of
the cows to pay for them and pay for the mandatory training course
that you must take to get your licence to milk the cows. You sell your
milk to the supermarket chain which pays you next to nothing for it,
and then they sell it to their customers for four times what they
paid you. Then they release a press statement about how wonderful
they are to support British Cows.
The rest of the world thinks your cows are mad but you, and your cows, know that it is not true and,anyway, the rest of the world have no intention of identifying and
counting their mad cows, so people in other countries don't know their
cows are really, really barmy do they. You sell your cows to a Polish
migrant worker and your farm to a Russian 'investment bank' and then
you leave to buy a villa by the sea in a country where it is sunny
and the cost of milk is a tenth the cost of milk at home. They don't
have a National Health Service.......but you are so happy and relaxed
your health improves and you live to be a hundred.
