HUMOUR: International Signs (Mis-Translations)

[Quadophile]

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
[/font][/font]

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Acapulco hotel sign: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Athens, Greece hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push botton for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Copenhagen airline ticket office: WE take your bags and send them in all directions.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours--we guarantee no miscarriages.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Denmark: in a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] German/Austria: a sign in a hotel catering to skiers read Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] German/Germany: in a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Germany's Black forest sign: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Istanbul hotel corridor sign: Please to evacuate in hall especially which is accompanied by rude noises.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Japanese information booklet about a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of war in your room, please control yourself.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Kyushi, Japan Detour sign: Stop: Drive Sideways.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] London department store: Bargain basement upstairs.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] London office: After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
[/font][/font]to be continued...............
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]

[/font][/font]
​

 

[Quadophile]

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Majorcan shop entrance: English well talking.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Majorcan shop entrance: Here speeching American.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Moscow hotel lobby across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Moscow hotel room door: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Roman doctor's office: Specialist in women and other diseases.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Sweden: in the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Thailand: an ad for donkey rides asked Would you like to ride on your own ass?.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Tokyo hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read this notice.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they are best in the long run.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Vienna, Austria hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Yugoslavia: a sign in a hotel read The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. Turn to her straightaway.
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Yugoslavia: in the Europa Hotel, in Sarajevo, you will find this message on every door: Guests should announce the abandonment of theirs rooms before 12 o'clock, emptying the room at the latest until 14 o'clock, for the use of the room before 5 at the arrival or after the 16 o'clock at the departure, will be billed as one night more..
[/font][/font]
​

[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.


[/font][/font]

 

[Me__2001]

these are so funny, theres a website of them but i cant think of the name

 

[Flower Girl]

Thanks for the laugh

Thanks for making me smile Quadophile

Ailsa

 

[CITech]

Hey Quads,

Have you got a little bit too much time on your hands - where on earth did you find that bunch of cherubs?

Must admit, did make me smile thou'

 

[cirianz]

Still ROTFLMAO! Good one Quads .

 

[Quadophile]

I am a collector of jokes, have plenty saved up on me drive From time to time I unleash them

 

[CITech]

I am a collector of jokes, have plenty saved up on me drive From time to time I unleash them

Good lad, may they long keep flowing.

I will see if I have got any that would actully be permitted onto a website and post 'em up.

 

[Me__2001]

i found the website

www.engrish.com

 

[CITech]

i found the website

www.engrish.com

Nice one!

Like the Windows dialogue boxes. There was a rumour going around, but it could have just been one of those urban myth things, that a website had been set up for all the strange messages which people have seen on various Windows systems.

The one that sticks in my mind is a dialogue box with a statement to the effect:

ERROR: Process completed normally

May be it wasn't funny, perhaps the software engineer was genuinely amazed that it had actually managed to do something right for a change!

Has anyone else ever heard of such a site?

 

[itsme]

ERROR: Process completed normally


I like it! I like it!

 

[itsme]

I am a collector of jokes, have plenty saved up on me drive From time to time I unleash them

Very good Quad!

 

[lawnmower]

The men amoung you may appreciate this but I am sure the women will condem me to a painful death!!!

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t. There is a clock on the cooker.

Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door , who do you let in first?
The dog of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don’t like to interrupt her.

Marriage is a three ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me, “What’s on the TV?”
I said “dust”

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping in the High Street and said “I haven’t eaten anything for days.”
She looked at him and said “God I wish I had your willpower.”

Young son: “Is it true Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?”
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

A man inserted an ad in the classified:
Wife Wanted. The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
“You can have mine”

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

 

[CITech]

Lawnmower, are you fed up with life, or just very brave?

I hope your life insurance is paid up to date!

 

[itsme]

Very good!

But I am waiting?

 

[Ian]

Oh dear We had a bit of a heated discussion with Women/Blond jokes last time - so prepare yourself! Just be careful is all I'll say

As long as everything is taken in context then its fine

 

[muckshifter]

uh oh ... lawnmower, you are on your own, I will not offer any assistance, I wipe my hands ...

DON'T ANYBODY PM ME ABOUT THIS THREAD

 

[Quadophile]

The men amoung you may appreciate this

What makes you think so? I certainly don't!

 

[itsme]

uh oh ... lawnmower, you are on your own, I will not offer any assistance, I wipe my hands ...

DON'T ANYBODY PM ME ABOUT THIS THREAD

I won`t honest mucks

 

[cirianz]

OK Lawnmower... you asked for these

Men are like.... Vacations.... They never seem to be long enough

Men are like.... Blenders.... You need one, but you're not sure why.

Men are like.... Chocolate Bars.... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head straight for your hips.

Men are like.... Mascara.... They run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like.... Lava Lamps.... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Men are like.... Government Bonds.... They take soooooooo long to mature.

B*mmer... Byt the time they're edited for propriety & 'political correctness' I could put less than half of them up. Gunna need some help here. In the meantime...