Abarbarian
Acruncher
- Joined
- Sep 30, 2005
- Messages
- 11,023
- Reaction score
- 1,221
Picture it happening as you read its hilarious
How to give a cat a pill
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right fore-finger and thumb on either side of cats mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while
holding pill in right hand.
As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth, allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws firmly with left hand.
Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger.
Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse in from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.
Ignore low growls emitted from cat.
Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.
Drop pill down ruler and rub cats throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail and get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.
Carefully sweep shattered figurines an vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.
Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down straw into mouth.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away.
Apply band-aids to spouses fore-arms and remove blood from carpet with soap and cold water.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbours shed, and another pill from foil wrap.
Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing.
Force mouth open with dessert spoon.
Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab.
Throw what's left of T-shirt away and fetch another one from the bedroom.
12) Ring Fire Brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road
Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.
13) Tie cats front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table.
Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed.
Push pill into cats mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak.
Hold cats head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Get spouse to drive you to hospital.
Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and fore-arms and removes remnants of pill from right eye.
On way home call at furniture shop to order new table.
15) When home call RSPCA and arrange for cat to be collected
then ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters!!!!!
How to give a cat a pill
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right fore-finger and thumb on either side of cats mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while
holding pill in right hand.
As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth, allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws firmly with left hand.
Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger.
Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse in from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.
Ignore low growls emitted from cat.
Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.
Drop pill down ruler and rub cats throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail and get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.
Carefully sweep shattered figurines an vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.
Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down straw into mouth.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away.
Apply band-aids to spouses fore-arms and remove blood from carpet with soap and cold water.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbours shed, and another pill from foil wrap.
Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing.
Force mouth open with dessert spoon.
Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab.
Throw what's left of T-shirt away and fetch another one from the bedroom.
12) Ring Fire Brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road
Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.
13) Tie cats front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table.
Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed.
Push pill into cats mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak.
Hold cats head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Get spouse to drive you to hospital.
Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and fore-arms and removes remnants of pill from right eye.
On way home call at furniture shop to order new table.
15) When home call RSPCA and arrange for cat to be collected
then ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters!!!!!
