Friends may die, but the beuraucracy goes on

[cirianz]

How is it that in this day and age they can not diagnose something like Leukemia until less than a month before the person is going to die?
Chris was diagnosed 2 weeks ago, we got the call last night. By now they say she has only a couple more days to a couple more weeks to live.
They don't want visits, even from loved friends, with such a short time they are only wanting to spend it with family. And I understand of course. I wouldn't want to spend my last few days/weeks playing host to a stream of visitors. But every instinct wants to rush around there.
But now the only thing I can give them is privacy.
And not to inflict my grief on them.
I wish I had a god so I could pray at least to take away the pain for these last few weeks she has.
I wish I had gotten around to all those get together for coffee's and come around for dinners, that we were always talking about, but that got lost in the day to days of life.
I wish.......

And I wish there was someone or something to hate
because even when I'm crying
I am so angry.

And, why her?
But then everyone asks that don't they
and there's never any answer.

 

[bootneck02]

I am so sorry for you and Chris and her family it seems so unfair and you have my heart felt sympathise.

Bootneck02

 

[cirianz]

Thank you bootneck

 

[Alf]

Sorry to hear that Cirianz.

 

[Taffycat]

Very sad news indeed Ciri, it must be devastating for Chris and her family and awfully hard on you, not to be able to spend one last hour or two with your friend. As you said, it is understandable about them wanting privacy, the news must have been a huge blow which sent them reeling. So don't give up hope that there might be a change of heart.

 

[muckshifter]

Life is a mystery, no one must stand alone in the end.

I hear you ...

 

[floppybootstomp]

You have my sympathies, I know the pain you're going through, I can only wish you well and the strength to get through this very sad time.

 

[cirianz]

Thank you, everyone.
I won't say much here because if I start talking it will all be whining and ranting since that seems to be what is swirling around in there at the moment and none of it would be anything you couldn't figure already without me saying it over and over again for some indeterminate time. I suspect it might take me a lot longer to stop than to start.

But the one I can't drown out is "How can that happen? By the time they found it they could only give her 2-4 weeks to live. With all our modern medicine how can something like leukemia slip through the net?"
But I know the answer to that question.
It just happens.
no one & nothing is infallible
And it's always horrific
If I'm honest, the question really is "How can that happen to someone I love?"
Instead of someone anonymous to me.
And I know it's only human to feel that,
but it's still horrible.
And "Why Chris?" She is such an incredible and indescribable person,
and the world is full of ar*eholes
I don't even have to think hard to think of a few who's personality would be greatly improved by a pine box and a deep hole.
I am horrible aren't I.
but I still aren't sorry for thinking it.
And I know I shouldn't be whining like this
I can't even imagine what it's like for her daughter Terry and the rest of her family.
I am a coward because my mind flinches away at the thought.
So selfish, but I don't ever want to find out.
And it's not like I haven't lost people before
But this is different.
And I can't even say how or why.

And you know something really funny.
I'm only a friend. Not the victim.
Chris herself is handling it much better than I am.
Laughing and making jokes about it.
Which is so very like her.
It makes me smile just to think about it.
About her.

which is where I should stop
because I was right, I shouldn't've started.
Thank you my friends.

 

[Abarbarian]

You have my sympathies, I know the pain you're going through, I can only wish you well and the strength to get through this very sad time.

My thoughts exactly and Flops said it much better than I could.

 

[cirianz]

Thank you All sympathies and strength appreciated and needed. I don't seem to be doing so well on the strength department on my own lol.

 

[itsme]

I am so sorry to hear that Cirianz.
My thoughts are with you. Hugs*