Latest Polling Shows Bush Losing Key Supporters
WASHINGTON, June 23rd - President Bush appears to be losing support
among a key group of voters who had hitherto stood firmly with the
president even as his poll numbers among other groups fell dramatically.
A new Gallup poll shows that, for the first time, Bush's approval
rating has fallen below 50% among total fecking morons, and now stands
at 44%. This represents a dramatic drop compared to a poll taken just
last December, when 62% of total fecking morons expressed support for
the president and his policies.
The current poll, conducted by phone with 1,409 total fecking morons
between May 4 and May 8, reveals that only 44% of those polled believe
the president is doing a good job, while 27% believe he is doing a poor
job and 29% don't understand the question.
The December poll, conducted by phone with 1,530 total fecking morons,
showed 62% approved of the president, 7% disapproved and 31% didn't
understand the question.
Faltering approval ratings for the president among a group once
thought to be a reliable source of loyal support gives Republicans one
more reason to be nervous about the upcoming mid-term elections. "If we
can't depend on the support of total fecking morons," says Sen. Rick
Santorum (R-PA), "then we've got a big problem. They're a key factor in
our electoral strategy, and an important part of today's Republican
coalition."
"We've taken the total fecking moron vote for granted," says Rep. Tom
Feeney (R-FL), "and now we're paying for it. We've let the Democrats
control the debate lately, and they've dragged discourse back into the
realm of complex, nuanced issues. So your average total fecking moron
turns on his TV and sees his Republican Congressman arguing about
Constitutional law or the complexities of state formation in the Middle
East, and he tunes out. He wants to hear comforting, pandering,
flattering bromides and he doesn't want to hear a logical argument more
complex than what you'd find on a bumper sticker."
For Feeney, the poll is a dire warning that Republicans can ignore
only at their peril. "This should send a signal that we have to regain
control of the debate if we want the support of our key constituencies
in the coming election and beyond. We need to bring public discourse
back into the realm of stupidity and vacuity. We should be talking about
homosexual illegal immigrants burning flags. We should be talking about
the power of pride. We should be talking about freedom fries. These are
the issues that resonate with total fecking morons."
But some total fecking morons say it's too late. Bill Snarpel of Enid,
Oklahoma is a total fecking moron who voted for Bush in both 2000 and
2004. But he says he won't be voting for Bush in 2008. "I don't like it
that he was going to sell our ports to the Arabs. If the Arabs own the
ports then that means they'll let all the Arabs in and then we'll all be
riding camels and wearing towels on our heads. I don't want my children
singing the Star Spangled Banner in Muslim."
Total fecking moron Kurt Meyer of Turlock, California also says his
once solid support for Bush has collapsed. "He invaded Iraq and all
those soldiers died, and for what? We destroyed all their WMDs**, but
now their new president is making fun of us and saying he's going to
build nuclear bombs and that we can't stop him. Well, nuclear bombs are
even worse than WMDs, so what did we accomplish?"
** does this remind one of Leythos or what?!?
Laura McDonald, a total fecking moron from Chandler, Arizona, says she
is disappointed that the president hasn't been a more forceful advocate
of Christian values. "This country was founded on Christian values," she
says, "but you'd never know it looking around and seeing all the
Mexicans running around. I thought Bush was going to bring Jesus back
into the government. Instead, Christians are being persecuted worse than
ever before in history, because all these Mexicans come here and tell
Christians that we have to respect their religious beliefs. So now it's
illegal for children to pray in school. Soon it will be illegal for them
to speak English."
Not all total fecking morons have turned their backs on the president.
Jeb Larkin of Topeka, Kansas says he still fully supports Bush. "He is
doing a great job. He is a great president. He is a great decider.
I have a puppy.
His tail sticks straight up and you can see his butthole."
And not all Republican lawmakers are concerned about the poll. Sen.
Lamar Alexander (R-TN), for one, does not find it a cause for anxiety.
While he agrees that his party should not take total fecking morons for
granted, they "really don't have anywhere else to go. They're never
going to be able to understand someone like Al Gore or John Kerry or
anybody intelligent and articulate who wants to talk about substantive
issues. Just try having a conversation with one of them about global
warming. They'll say, 'Oh, but Rush says volcanoes consume more ozone
than humans do.' I mean, they're morons! Total fecking morons!"
"They've got nowhere else to go," Alexander reaffirms with a smile,
"and they always vote."
Ya know what this says about Bush if even the total fecking morons have
wizened up enough by now to realize that he is a terrible leader. That
means Bush only dreams of rising to the esteemed level of a total
fecking moron. LOL
I love how the FL guy Tom Feeny says they have taken them for granted -
the state that can't vote because it doesn't know how.
