General Election

[darkangel]

So let’s get into a political discussion and see what everyone thinks about this election. Now I am only 16 so I don’t get the change to vote but if I could I would vote labour.

Manly because there is very little opposition. Michael Howard is just a freak and Charles Kennedy is not good enough to run this country so the only one left is Tony Blair which isn't the greatest prime mister but certainly better then the other candidates.

So what does everyone else think??

 

[ChristopherP]

Official Monster Raving Looner Party

If i could, i would vote for the Official Monster Raving Looney Party...

See the official 2005 manifesto below...

Everything below copyright http://www.omrlp.com/

Sorry... this is a bit long!

The Economy:

Overview:

Our team of experts has decided that Income Tax has not proved popular with the public and will therefore be abolished. It was started in order to finance the Napoleonic war in 1799 and we now believe that the time is right to announce the cessation of hostilities with Napoleon. Some of the money left in the coffers will be used to fill in our part of the Channel Tunnel in case no one has mentioned it to the French. Any remaining money will be strategically placed on a horse at the 3-30 at Haydock Park at odds of at least 12/1 in order to see us through until the next election. Income Tax will be officially replaced by people lending the government a bob or two at the end of the week when we’re a bit skint.

Other policies:

We will issue a 99p coin to save on change.

The Official Monster Raving Loony Party will not join the single European currency. We will invite all Europeans countries to JOIN THE POUND.

Rich people should be taxed to pay for the printing of money, as they use most of it.

Tax credits will be paid to nice people. There will be a “total *******” tax for everyone else.

Political Sleaze:

Overview:

We feel that a £57,000 a year salary is quite ample for the average person to survive on and that the £118,000 expenses that MP’s also manage to wangle is far too much. The expenses money will in future be distributed to the poor and needy so that they can waste it instead.

Other policies:

Any Home Secretary claiming to have more children than necessary will be made to run the House Of Commons Crèche.

Any cabinet minister found telling lies will be shot across the English Channel in a high velocity circus cannon to save time and first class travel expenses. Top British engineers will be employed to plot the correct trajectory. A European funded net will be set up strategically in front of the European parliament so that when the errant MP hits it, he or she will bounce through the second floor window where they will be handed champagne and canapé at a reception hosted by Leon Brittan and Peter Mandelson.

To help finance the above mentioned net, when it is not required it will be hired out to the London production of ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!’ for the child catcher.

In reaction to the old adage, “Children are so honest” we intend to reduce the age of standing for parliament from 21 to 5.


Education:

Overview:

We pledge to reduce class sizes by making the pupils sit closer to one another and issuing them with smaller desks. Any MP whose constituency sells off a school playing field for development will be required to relinquish their own back garden as a replacement sports facility for the school. All future Deputy Prime Ministers will be required to be fluent in at least one language to encourage the education system.

Other policies:

In the interests of fair education policy, under a loony government all children will automatically be given full marks in their exams.

Bright pupils will be provided with dimmer switches to prevent them distracting the rest of the class.

SAT’s tests will be abolished and replaced by Gordon Ramsey style cookery lessons and Rolf Harris art classes.

All children will be given two birthdays like the Queen.

Any child who is cleverer than their teacher will be allowed to take over the class and the teacher will stand at the back with a dunce’s hat on. He or she will then be on half pay until he or she has learnt enough to regain the upper ground. This is our policy for child empowerment.

The number 13 will be abolished due to its longstanding unpopularity. The bus to Acton North will now not have a number on it but not much else will be affected. Therefore if you see a bus with no number on it, it will be going to Acton North. Please remember this for future reference.

Policies for students:

Eton and Oxford will be relocated to Blackpool and Bognor Regis leaving the other Universities with a chance of a bigger intake.

All students will be awarded The Louis Pasteur degree for the scientific research into the growth of mould.

We intend to make free university tuition available to all students named Grant.

Any student who says the word “Like” when not grammatically called for, as in, “Hey, I’m .. Like, going down the… like, pub”, or, “I was, like, don’t do that” will be made to go and stay with George Bush for a week in order to discourage them from other stupid ‘Americanisms’.

Political Reform:

Overview:

Relocation of the Houses of Parliament

The Houses of parliament will be demolished and replaced by a mobile parliament. This will allow MPs to be picked up in the mornings if their cars won’t start. It will also allow the public to see parliament at work and members will be able to wave to the public as it is going along. It will also cut out any necessity to have regional assemblies as it can park up at different towns and villages throughout the year. On the old site of parliament a large statue of Screaming Lord Sutch will be erected and a loony village will be built where it will be obligatory to enjoy yourself. Pogo sticks will be provided free of charge.

Other policies:

We will replace the House of Lords with the House of Cards, to make it easier for the Government to deal with.

Portional Representation will be introduced in England. One vote, one Raffle Ticket.

Government Whips will only be used if a politician has been really bad. Minor offences should receive the political slipper.

Transport:

In order to combat motorway congestion we will immediately close all motorways to all vehicles with the exception of bicycles to encourage our green policy and fitness. Any bicycles with more than 3 gears will also be banned for safety reasons. Apart from anything else this will allow police to get on with catching burglars. Traffic cops who are not intelligent enough to cope with proper police work will be allowed to wear their uniforms for a transitional period before being re trained as vicars.

Pram lanes will be created in all shopping centres.

All cars will be converted to run on Venos to help stop congestion.

4 wheel drive vehicles will only be allowed to drive off road, therefore stopping mothers picking up their children from school in them when they only live 100 yards down the road. They will also be wrapped in bubble wrap to make them safer.

All trains will be fitted with an automatic braking system that will function as soon as it sees red; this will include people who have been completely enraged by having to stand waiting on a platform for 3 hours.

Rather than to attempt re-opening disused railway lines we will put sound systems every 500 yards along the disused tracks which will play sound effects of old steam trains to keep railway loonies happy. When they choose to walk along the old railways nostalgically, men will be employed to throw buckets of soot over them every so often.

Drivers will be allowed to drive over roundabouts when there’s nothing about. This will make driving through Milton Keynes much more fun.

All speed cameras will be abolished and replaced by a new device fitted to your cars which will automatically slow down to the speed limit when driven though an infra-red beam. This will also apply to police cars; their device will be set to 5 mph though built up areas.

Traffic wardens will be re-named Dick Turpin because, let’s face it, it’s daylight robbery.

Any kerbs that are caught crawling will be arrested and the council will be fined £100.000 pounds.

 

[ChristopherP]

Law & Order:

We fully back the government’s policy of discouraging binge drinking by opening pubs for 24 hours. We believe that 24 hours is not quite long enough and propose to make the length of a day 32 hours long so that the pubs can be open for even longer. We also rather like the government idea of coming down hard on drugs by legalising them. Regarding tobacco it will now only be legal to smoke it with cannabis. Anyone found to have a ciggy not containing any cannabis will be made to walk to Coventry with a stone in their shoe, unless they come from Coventry in which case an alternative major city will be substituted on the advice of a committee who will meet far too often and eat dope cakes.

Anyone caught breaking the law will be made to mend it.

Any child found breaking the Auntie Social Order will be sent to their Uncles for a good clip around the ear.

All police will be made to say HELLO, HELLO, HELLO when making an arrest, this will treble the police force.

Police helmets will be re introduced and made even sillier. The higher a police rank then the higher their hat becomes. At Christmas they will be able to put flashing lights on them and generally decorate them. Once they have achieved the rank of Chief Constable the height of their hats will not allow them to leave their office, which they don’t anyway.


Home Affairs:


We will set up an enquiry to find out why there’s a Polar bear on Fox’s Glacier mints.

The Millennium Bridge will be made wobbly again, by building a pub at either end.

All computers will carry a hazard warning sign saying “Please do NOT forget to open your window before you throw this computer out of it”.

Due to the government’s policy of opening pubs 24 hours a day, a loony government for public safety will make the wearing of seat belts compulsory in all pubs, and pub tables will be fitted with airbags so you can fall over drunk without damaging your head (this does not offer protection from your wife attacking you with the rolling pin when you get home drunk).

Immigration: everyone wanting to come and live in the UK will be made welcome, so long as they are over the age of 85 and accompanied by both parents.

The Environment:

All foxes will be issued with sheep’s clothing.

Half the grey squirrel population will be painted red in order to increase the red squirrel population.

All houses built on flood planes will have foundations made of sponge, in order to soak up surplus water.

All people that think that they have a right to roam will need permission from the Pope.

Fox hunting will be re introduced under the “one hound – one dog” policy to make it a bit fairer.

Food and Fisheries

All food shall be clearly labelled “Recommended for Oral Use”.

All fast food will be clearly labelled “May contain traces of real food”.

With the growth of the motorist’s nightmare, the HUMPS, town farm cows WILL BE RE-INTRODUCED, as when they are going for milking they will block roads admirably and keep the speeding traffic down.

Health:

To solve the increasing obesity problem and global warming, all TVs and home computers must be run only by exercycle generators. A phase-in period of this major remedy will be allowed - maybe 5 to 5m minutes.

We will ask the Tooth Fairy to bring back all our good teeth and stop the rot in your Dental services.

The Care in Care Homes needs to be addressed, under an OMRLP government. Cocktails of drugs used to keep the elderly quiet will be banned and replaced by Fruit-Cocktail, Oxtail and prawn cocktail.

All foreign G.Ps in England and Wales will be taught the local dialect so they know when their patients feel Jiggered (Tired), Manky (Rough), Gipping (Vomiting) or have got somit rang with their Fizog (Face).

To prevent congestion on hospital wards, all hospital visits will be cut to 30 minutes a day, with the exception of Coco the clown to entertain the nurses.

Defence:

All WMD’s (weapons of Mass Distraction) will be made highly visible so that we can find them.

Any politician wanting to start a war will be shipped off to the country in question with a bag of conkers. They can then conker the country themselves.

The white cliffs of Dover will be painted blue to camouflage our islands.

Buckingham Place will be defended by triffids, cultivated by Prince Charles.

Anyone criticising defence will be made to mend it with de hammer and de nails.

Pets:

Anyone believing that their pet understands every word that they say to them will be asked to make the pet write a thesis to prove it.

It will be legal to keep Tapirs. People will be encouraged to keep them as pets because they are very funny and will cheer up the population no end.

Anyone keeping crocodiles will have to have their teeth removed. But the crocodiles won’t.

OAP's:

We will raise the old age pension to £2,000 a week for every pensioner who, for a period of more than 6 days, manages not to bore everyone witless about how brilliant their grandchildren are. To ease the transition period, special centres will be built where they may go once a week and rattle on about them. Unemployed people will be paid a ‘Bore Allowance’ of £27-50 a day to sit in front of them pretending to give a damn and saying “Mmm, how interesting” and “Really, well I never” and other statements as determined by the government. Tea and biscuits will be provided and the Samaritans will be on hand to council any of the ‘Bore Allowance’ volunteers.

Meals will be served on plates not on wheels.

Norman Wisdom will be made Minister of Pensions. Pensions will be raised by 100% on inflation, because I am nearly at retirement age myself.

Old age will be made officially 5 years older than you are.

All O.A.Ps will have the luxury of a woolly muff and free electric chairs

Sport:

All footballers will be made to wear slippers to make the game more interesting.

Boxing will be made obligatory for people we don’t like.

The Olympic Games will only allow British sports people to take part in order to help our gold medal chances.

In view of the new sports being introduced into the Olympic Games we intend to make ‘Synchronized farting’ a national sport and to reintroduce cheese rolling.

To keep up with the present government we promise to introduce many policies that have not been thought through properly, purely for cheap votes.

These include:


Making everyone a lottery winner
Providing beer for school children
Giving everyone a quid who votes for us


and finally...

The Queen:

In future the National Anthem will be ‘Bring Me Sunshine’ as sung by Morecambe and Wise. It is quicker, more tuneful and people know the words. On state occasions Prince Philip will juggle his spectacles up and down and say, “Hey!” before the whole of the The Royal family do the dance off at the end. If the music can not be found because it was left in the pub then it may be substituted by ‘The Hippo Song’ by Flanders and Swann.

 

[Ian]

This is the first time I've been able to vote (only just missed out last time), but I'm going to be voting on local issues. I've downloaded all of the parties manifesto's and I've been reading up on the local candidates. There are 8 in my area, covering quite a diverse spectrum of views (I can pretty much discount BNP, UKIP, English Democrats and a few others - although I did actually read their manifestos out of interest).

I'm undecided as yet, but I'm going to be voting based on my opinion of things that need doing in our local area. My old MP from Northumberland was very active, everybody knew him, bit of a rebel (excellent viewing for PMQ's on TV ) - he made an effort and worked hard (even if I didn't agree with 100% of his policies).

 

[Belloni]

lol Chris !!! We have that up in our school !!! We are having like a mock election lol there's posters of the Raving thingy everywhere round ours !!!

There was nearly a little fight between this year 10 and this 6th former coz the year 10 was going round taken down the 6th former's posters ! LMAO

haha was funny ... i don't think i would be bothered to vote ... as it's only my vote lmao 1 person outa millions ...

That's my view anywayz ...

 

[floppybootstomp]

There was nearly a little fight between this year 10 and this 6th former coz the year 10 was going round taken down the 6th former's posters ! LMAO

Blimey! I can remember that happening when I was at school, there was more time spent sabotaging than promoting, lol

Things ain't changed much then

 

[darkangel]

haha was funny ... i don't think i would be bothered to vote ... as it's only my vote lmao 1 person outa millions ...

That's my view anywayz ...

This type of thing rely annoys me, no offensive meant on u Belloni, but millions of people think this. That there vote wont make a difference so they won’t vote but if those millions of people actually voted then they might actually make a difference. It’s like the energy efficiency adverts. "What difference can 1 person make", the answer a lot.

Lastly just think about people in those countries who don’t have the change to vote or places like Iraq were people risk there life to vote. British Soldiers have died giving the Iraqi people the change to vote. At least people in this country can take half-an-hour out of the day and walk down to the polling station and put a cross in a box.

I know I am only 16 but I do have a very strong political view and sorry for making a mountain over a mole hill about people not voting just like expressing my opinion.

 

[psd99]

yes im gona vote for sure!

 

[floppybootstomp]

This type of thing rely annoys me, no offensive meant on u Belloni, but millions of people think this. That there vote wont make a difference so they won’t vote but if those millions of people actually voted then they might actually make a difference. It’s like the energy efficiency adverts. "What difference can 1 person make", the answer a lot.

Lastly just think about people in those countries who don’t have the change to vote or places like Iraq were people risk there life to vote. British Soldiers have died giving the Iraqi people the change to vote. At least people in this country can take half-an-hour out of the day and walk down to the polling station and put a cross in a box.

I know I am only 16 but I do have a very strong political view and sorry for making a mountain over a mole hill about people not voting just like expressing my opinion.

Well said.

60 years ago our soldiers fought and died for something which we take for granted. It actually took me a long time in my life to realise that.

If you don't vote, you have absolutely no right to moan about Goverment, which is something to consider.

I could talk about politics here, but these things sometimes get a little heated

 

[Belloni]

I knew this would come up when i wrote this lol

I understand obviously ... just on da day if i can be bothered to actually GET up !!! lol

Flops ... yeah not much !!! Sabotaging to win haha and i won't moan about the government if i don't vote Flops lol i probz won't care by then ...

 

[1nteger]

I definitely will vote but i still haven't decided who I want to lead the govt. Tories are total tossers and labour's only saving grace has been Gordon Brown (probably the next PM anyway). The Lib dems may lack 'gravitas' but I reckon if they were given a chance, they might make some significant changes for the better and lead from a more moral high ground that Tony Blair seems to have lost.

I think I'll go lib Dem - they maybe unlikely to win but if no-one votes for 'em, then they definitely won't win! I'm going to vote FOR a party rather than AGAINST one. Here endeth my comments.

 

[floppybootstomp]

Good grief. I think 1nteger and I have found some common ground.

imo there is no longer a labour Party, they've sold out. Last straw for me was student fees.

Tony Blair was just a continuation of John Major, possibly even more right wing.

I have voted Labour all my life, kinda ingrained in me I suppose, but I've had enough.

I would rather stand head down in a Glastonbury Festival trench toilet than vote Tory.

I'm disillusioned with Labour.

I quite like what the Lib Dems are saying, so they will be getting my vote.

Probably won't make much difference as I'm living in a Labour stronghold, but that's the way I'll vote anyway.

All BNP members should be deported to Zimbabwe and forced to live in a communal hut with the local elders.

And that's it, I hope, my final comments

 

[1nteger]

Good grief. I think 1nteger and I have found some common ground.

Does that mean we normally disagree?

 

[floppybootstomp]

Does that mean we normally disagree?

Nah, didn't mean it like that

I just meant, right, if other people are going to nail their colours to the mast, I may as well do the same, and your views are very similar to my own.

I must admit since working for myself and seeing things that go on in the workforce, having worked for a local Council for instance, I can actually sympathise with the Tory philosophy.

But no, I couldn't

 

[1nteger]

Nah, didn't mean it like that

I must admit since working for myself and seeing things that go on in the workforce, having worked for a local Council for instance, I can actually sympathise with the Tory philosophy.

But no, I couldn't

First, no worries my friend, I didn't take offence and my tongue was firmly in my cheek in that post

Second, I'm in local govt. too and it does give you a different view of things politically doesn't it? You end up getting the crap end of the Govt's policy no matter who's in power...and half the time they talk about making cuts - you know it's the public sector that they have control over.

BTW ...I agree with your system hardware choices , too...

 

[PETE5555]

This is the first election I can vote in and i will be voting Conservative.
I don’t care if MH looks like a vampire, this isn’t the US, we are not going by personality politics, but policies. I no longer have any respect for Blair, he lied, and not just over the Iraq issue!

 

[KGB-911]

Vote Labour... If you don't like Iraq!

If you want to detroy Iraq, you can do it legally, just vote for Blair!

 

[Belloni]

We had one of those MOCK elections in our school today ... 2 representatives from Labour (I HATE THEM) and Conservative came lol

Was pretty funny ... i just went coz we missed some of the next lesson lmao ...

I am voting Conservative what ever when i can vote lol

I hate Labour ! There representative was just rubbish !!! lol

haha one of the 6th formers got in a stress with our representative for Conservative saying it's all lyes about the student fee's being lowered ... everyone was laughing at da kid !!!

VOTE CONSERVATIVE !!!

 

[psd99]

did anyone see question time on bbc1 on hursday nite?

oh my word
i thgt it was SUPER!!!!!!!

did u see the bloke that was having a dig at Micheal Howard?

he went crazy never seen nething like that live on the telly be4!

 

[bodhi]

This is the type of thread which is going to end up causing trouble!! ;-)

From my point of view, if you have the vote you should use it, or else you have 4 years of grinning and bearing what the government is doing because if you dont vote, you dont get to moan about someone.

I hate Tony Blair and his insincerity. Also, if you look at the last 4 years he and his party have just stumbled from one disaster to the next. I thought about a Tory vote as a tactical vote just to get labour out, but i would rather see them both brought down to earth by another party (lib dems) winning. That might make them less arrogant and maybe they wouldnt treat the british public like fools then. Unfortunatly, the lib dems wont win and labour probably will which will make grinning blair and his ugly pig faced wife even more irritating.

Anyway, rant over..................

P.S. Use your votes people. Im 12,000 miles away but have organised a proxy!! Its important.