Dell 3100cn Color Laser reconsidered

When I got the Dell 3100cn it looked like a fast and decent bargain in
a BIG (70 lb) home/small office color laser. Then the usability
issues, if you do more than print 8.5 x 11 pages on it appeared.

And then came my second and final attempt to obtain 'technical
support' from the clowns at Dell:

Dial the correct 800 number, get misrouted to Bangalore and 18 mins on
hold while a recording tells me over and over how to clear paper jams
and suggests I turn my printer upside down and shake gently... since
we're talking about a 3100cn here, I don't bother attempting to get
the hernia...

Connect to Rajeesh who figures out that as a Business Printer I should
be talking to some clueless flunky with better language skills
stateside and transfers me...5 mins on hold and I have Gina...now the
issue at hand is 'classic': simply trying to print some standard #10
envelopes from the MultiFunction Feeder. Now to start even TRYING
this..you need to know the 'trick':

Not only must you set the printer drivers properly, as you would
expect, but you must physically program the printer itself through the
front panel buttons to handle ANY change in paper size or type for
either the MF or the standard paper drawer. That's right..while the
printer comes with built in ethernet and networking software...any
time you want to change any paper settings, you must drill down thru
the settings menus and manually reset them. (I think the last time I
had a printer THIS stupid, I was running CP/M ).

Anyway, even knowing that, I still can't seem to get the settings so
the damn thing will stop requesting I load #10 envelopes and then
insisting there's a size mismatch....

So Gina is explaining to me how to use a mouse to get the Dell help
files open...I suggest she stop pointing me to headings inside there
that don't deal at all with the issue... and she's getting flustered,
as she browses thru the same files, which she clearly is perusing for
the very first time...after 15 mins of this nonsense, when I point out
that she has never seen a 3100cn, wouldn't recognize one if she
tripped over it, and probably can't even tell me where the on/off
switch is located unless I give her a few minutes to 'study the issue"
she seizes the opportunity to change the subject to my "attitude"
since her bluff has clearly been called... I insist on speaking to a
Supervisor...

After 20 mins of silence I get transferred to Level 2 and Kurt... now
in the meantime I've actually found the correct settings, or rather
blundered on ones it's willing to accept, and the damn printer has
finally fed thru a single envelope (printing from Word 2000 under
XP... bog stock normal... it prints just fine on my ancient Epson
ActionLaster 1500 and my Lexmark Optra S1255).. with the result that
the entire address of 6 lines and return addy were overwritten on 2
lines (one near the top and one in the middle).....well at least I'll
have a different question for Kurt...

So I start to ask Kurt about what's happening and he cuts me off: "Did
the printer actually feed and print an envelope ?" I reply "Well yes
you could say that in a literal sense it did print something on an
envelope...though nothing legible..." He interrupts "Well if it
actually fed an envelope then the problem cannot possibly have
ANYTHING to do with our printer !!..." I cut HIM off.. "Err, have you
ever heard of the concept of printer drivers Kurt ?? what you just
said is total bullsh*t..."

His reply is "I don't have to take that crap from anyone...."
dialtone..

Kurt, evidently, as a Level 2 doesn't even bother attempting to bluff
that he knows anything...

This series of printers 3000/3100 are rebadged Fuji-Xerox units.
Nobody at Dell knows or cares ANYTHING about them at all. Dell has
gone from poor support for what they sell, to nonexistent sham
support.

Definitely my last hardware from Dell....ever...

Coup wrote:
> When I got the Dell 3100cn it looked like a fast and decent bargain in
> a BIG (70 lb) home/small office color laser. Then the usability
> issues, if you do more than print 8.5 x 11 pages on it appeared.
>
> And then came my second and final attempt to obtain 'technical
> support' from the clowns at Dell:
>
> Dial the correct 800 number, get misrouted to Bangalore and 18 mins on
> hold while a recording tells me over and over how to clear paper jams
> and suggests I turn my printer upside down and shake gently... since
> we're talking about a 3100cn here, I don't bother attempting to get
> the hernia...
>
> Connect to Rajeesh who figures out that as a Business Printer I should
> be talking to some clueless flunky with better language skills
> stateside and transfers me...5 mins on hold and I have Gina...now the
> issue at hand is 'classic': simply trying to print some standard #10
> envelopes from the MultiFunction Feeder. Now to start even TRYING
> this..you need to know the 'trick':
>
> Not only must you set the printer drivers properly, as you would
> expect, but you must physically program the printer itself through the
> front panel buttons to handle ANY change in paper size or type for
> either the MF or the standard paper drawer. That's right..while the
> printer comes with built in ethernet and networking software...any
> time you want to change any paper settings, you must drill down thru
> the settings menus and manually reset them. (I think the last time I
> had a printer THIS stupid, I was running CP/M ).
>
> Anyway, even knowing that, I still can't seem to get the settings so
> the damn thing will stop requesting I load #10 envelopes and then
> insisting there's a size mismatch....
>
> So Gina is explaining to me how to use a mouse to get the Dell help
> files open...I suggest she stop pointing me to headings inside there
> that don't deal at all with the issue... and she's getting flustered,
> as she browses thru the same files, which she clearly is perusing for
> the very first time...after 15 mins of this nonsense, when I point out
> that she has never seen a 3100cn, wouldn't recognize one if she
> tripped over it, and probably can't even tell me where the on/off
> switch is located unless I give her a few minutes to 'study the issue"
> she seizes the opportunity to change the subject to my "attitude"
> since her bluff has clearly been called... I insist on speaking to a
> Supervisor...
>
> After 20 mins of silence I get transferred to Level 2 and Kurt... now
> in the meantime I've actually found the correct settings, or rather
> blundered on ones it's willing to accept, and the damn printer has
> finally fed thru a single envelope (printing from Word 2000 under
> XP... bog stock normal... it prints just fine on my ancient Epson
> ActionLaster 1500 and my Lexmark Optra S1255).. with the result that
> the entire address of 6 lines and return addy were overwritten on 2
> lines (one near the top and one in the middle).....well at least I'll
> have a different question for Kurt...
>
> So I start to ask Kurt about what's happening and he cuts me off: "Did
> the printer actually feed and print an envelope ?" I reply "Well yes
> you could say that in a literal sense it did print something on an
> envelope...though nothing legible..." He interrupts "Well if it
> actually fed an envelope then the problem cannot possibly have
> ANYTHING to do with our printer !!..." I cut HIM off.. "Err, have you
> ever heard of the concept of printer drivers Kurt ?? what you just
> said is total bullsh*t..."
>
> His reply is "I don't have to take that crap from anyone...."
> dialtone..
>
> Kurt, evidently, as a Level 2 doesn't even bother attempting to bluff
> that he knows anything...
>
> This series of printers 3000/3100 are rebadged Fuji-Xerox units.
> Nobody at Dell knows or cares ANYTHING about them at all. Dell has
> gone from poor support for what they sell, to nonexistent sham
> support.
>
> Definitely my last hardware from Dell....ever...

I can replicate all that - just replace "Dell" with "Canon".