PC Review


Reply
Thread Tools Rating: Thread Rating: 26 votes, 4.88 average.

Quad's Humour Thread

 
 
Hon. Acoustical Engineer
Quadophile's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Sugar Land, TX
Posts: 5,782
 
      2nd Apr 2006
Q: What is Frankenstein's favorite waterway?
A: The Eerie Canal.


Q: What is a ghosts favorite ride at the midway?
A: A roller ghoster!!


Q: Why does the Mummy keep his Band-aids in the refrigerator?
A: He wants to use them later for cold cuts!!
--Johnny B. age 10, Clarksdale,MS


Q: What is Dracula's favorite coffee?
A: De'coffin'ated!


Q: What is a baby ghost's favorite game?
A: Peek-a-boo!
--Michael R. age 9 Hanford,CA


Q: How does a werewolf like his eggs for breakfast?
A: Terrorfried!
--Johnny B. age 10, Clarksdale,MS


Q: What is a Mummies' favorite type of music?
A: Wrap!
--James H. age 9, Austin,TX


Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A: He had no body to dance with.
--Henrietta J. from the Bronx


Q: What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
A: Fangsgiving.













 

 
Reply With Quote
 
 
 
 
Hon. Acoustical Engineer
Quadophile's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Sugar Land, TX
Posts: 5,782
 
      2nd Apr 2006
A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles.

Coincidentally, by chance, while checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.

Peter, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The reverend knew that Peter and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles but he had serious doubts about Louie. Louie was just a little local farmer, who had always tended to keep to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor little Louis stuttered very badly. But, not wanting to discourage poor Louis, the reverend decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles and asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to- door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the reverend immediately asked Peter, "Well, Peter, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?"

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Peter replied, "Father, using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church."

"Fine job, Peter!" The reverend said, vigorously shaking his hand. "You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you."

Turning to Paul, he asked "And Paul, how many bibles did you manage to sell for the church last week?"

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied,"Reverend, I am a professional salesman and was happy to give the church the benefit of my sales expertise. Last week I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here's $280 I collected."

The reverend responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is also indebted to you."

Apprehensively, the reverend turned to little Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?"

Louie silently offered the reverend a large envelope. The reverend opened it and counted the contents. "What is this?" the reverend exclaimed. "Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?

Louie just nodded.

That's impossible!" both Peter and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could."

"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the reverend agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to do accomplish this, Louie."

Louie shrugged. "I-I-I- re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!"

"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you?"


I am still laughing while posting this one!


 

 
Reply With Quote
 
 
 
 
Offshore Crunchie Eater
CITech's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Channel Islands
Posts: 967
 
      2nd Apr 2006
Well done Quads

I can see you have had a busy evening!

 
 
Reply With Quote
 
Hon. Acoustical Engineer
Quadophile's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Sugar Land, TX
Posts: 5,782
 
      2nd Apr 2006
Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.>>>>>>>

A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a jazz chord ! Play a jazz chord!".

Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the whole place goes wild.
The little old man jumps up again and shouts "No, no, play a jazz chord! play a jazz chord!".

A bit ticked off by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise. The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!".

Well and truly ticked off that this little guy doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him from the stage "OK smart ass. You get up here and do it!"

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing .... (scroll down)












" A jazz chord - to say - I ruv you-u-u...!"








 

 
Reply With Quote
 
Hon. Acoustical Engineer
Quadophile's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Sugar Land, TX
Posts: 5,782
 
      2nd Apr 2006
There was a case in one hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11 a.m. on Sundays.

So a world-wide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11... Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.
















 

 
Reply With Quote
 
Hon. Acoustical Engineer
Quadophile's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Sugar Land, TX
Posts: 5,782
 
      3rd Apr 2006
A minister delivered a sermon in ten minutes one Sunday morning That was about half the usual length of his sermons.

He explained, "I regret to inform you that my dog, who is very fond of eating paper, ate that portion of my sermon which I was unable to deliver this morning."

After the service, a visitor from another church shook hands with the preacher as he was leaving, and said,

"Sir, if that dog of yours has any pups, I sure would like to get one to give to my minister!"












 

 
Reply With Quote
 
Senior Member
itsme's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 6,175
 
      3rd Apr 2006
Quote:

Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.

If i meet up with him when I die >Sir my ar#e

 
If MS ever make anything that does not suck it will be a> Vacuum cleaner



In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right... something is wrong.
 
Reply With Quote
 
Hon. Acoustical Engineer
Quadophile's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Sugar Land, TX
Posts: 5,782
 
      3rd Apr 2006
My mother is a cleaning fanatic. One Saturday she told me and my brother to get down to the playroom and straighten it up. We had a party there the previous evening, and she was none too happy about the mess. As she watched us work, it was clear that Mom was completely dissatisfied with our cleaning efforts and let us know it. Finally my brother, exasperated with having to do it all over, reached for a broom and asked Mom, "Can I use this, or were you planning to go somewhere?"









 

 
Reply With Quote
 
Hon. Acoustical Engineer
Quadophile's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Sugar Land, TX
Posts: 5,782
 
      3rd Apr 2006
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine "






 

 
Reply With Quote
 
Hon. Acoustical Engineer
Quadophile's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Sugar Land, TX
Posts: 5,782
 
      3rd Apr 2006
A lady goes into the butcher shop and as she is walking around the store, she spies a beef tongue in the butcher's counter. The lady asks, "What in the world is that?"

"Beef tongue," replies the butcher!

The lady gives a little involuntary shudder, "No way would I put anything in my mouth that came out of an animal's mouth!"

The butcher nods sympathetically while peeking into the woman's shopping cart, "I see you're buying a dozen eggs!"












 

 
Reply With Quote
 
 
 
Reply

Thread Tools
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
ShowDialog - Cross-thread operation not valid: Control'CheckAccountInfo' accessed from a thread other than the thread it was createdon. Tom C Microsoft C# .NET 9 20th Feb 2008 09:15 PM
Cross-thread operation not valid: Control '' accessed from a thread other than the thread it was created on Joe Microsoft C# .NET 4 12th Mar 2007 10:59 AM
Rush`s Humour thread (sorry Quad) Rush General Discussion 3 30th Jan 2007 08:57 PM
Thread A calls a delegate on Thread B but Thread A executes it!?!? Paul Tomlinson Microsoft C# .NET 4 3rd Feb 2005 11:09 PM
Shut down thread - thread closes form, form doesn't close because thread calls it etc... Robin Tucker Microsoft VB .NET 4 17th Oct 2003 12:03 PM


Features
 

Advertising
 

Newsgroups
 


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 01:09 PM.